Worn Like Paint
by Gilbert's Door
Summary: 'Just a ghoul! That's all, isn't it' Amon screamed at Eyepatch. In his world of black and white, of rules and regulations, this creature was evermore blurring everything into a lowery shade of grey. Amoneki, angst, obsession, mania, abuse.
1. Trapped

_This plot line starts from around Tokyo Ghoul ch106, when Kaneki infiltrates Kanou's house and laboratory (or I think it's Cochlea in the anime's second series). It's after he goes crazy as a kakuja, has a confrontation with Shinohara, and then one with Amon._

* * *

'Just a ghoul!? That's all, isn't it?' Amon screamed at Eyepatch.

Shinohara was twitching on the floor. Suzuya was panting manically, his scythe in hand. Amon was staring at the ghoul that had fallen at his feet, as its destroyed kagune retreated into the exposed skin on its back.

'I don't…' said the ghoul, muttering into the floor. 'I don't want to eat anymore.'

Amon heard a sigh escape from his lips. In his world of black and white, of rules and regulations, this one thing before him was evermore blurring everything into a lowery shade of grey.

Eyepatch twitched. Then, faster than Amon could believe, it had pelted away across the room.

'He's running awayyyyy,' said Juuzou in that sing-song voice of his.

'Amon-San!' cried one of the supporting investigators. 'Shinohara-San is alive! It's mostly his armour that's been eaten…'

'Stay here, Investigator Suzuya. Protecting Shinohara-San is top priority.' Hoisting his quinque into the air, Amon gritted his teeth resolutely. 'I'll chase the Eyepatch ghoul.'

The grey walls were fast becoming a blur as Amon raced through them. Eyepatch had left a trail of destruction that was easy enough to follow. By the look of it, its kagune had already regenerated and had taken many a chunk out of the surrounding concrete.

Within minutes Amon could tell he was nearing the ghoul. Echoing crashes sounded in front of him, and as Amon turned a corner he saw the ghoul slip down through a vent.

Amon followed, which due to his size was more of a challenge, but he was soon through the vent himself and stumbling through basement tunnels that looked more than a little worse for wear.

Then the eyepatch ghoul was stopping, and turning around. It had heard Amon, and now it could see him.

'I have to protect everyone…' the ghoul said, almost screeching. Amon met this with a crashing roar and ran head-on at the ghoul.

The ghoul lashed out wildly with his kagune, and the surrounding walls crumbled where the limbs crashed into them.

It was all happening so fast. They both struck, and defended themselves, and struck again. Another crash, and now the falling dust didn't cease, and the ceiling began to fall.

* * *

Amon seemed to have blacked out momentarily as he was knocked to the ground and his quinque was sent flying out of his hands. When he came to he was covered in dust and completely surrounded by piles of broken concrete, brick, and iron framing. The long basement tunnel they were in had imploded, and been cut to only a dozen or so square metres, completely enclosed by rubble. The floor Amon was lying on seemed stable enough, and the position of the metal and ceiling seemed to be preventing a large part of the rubble from squishing him, but Amon was concerned about a much more imminent danger. He backed against the wall as the grotesque figure of Eyepatch loomed out of the dust.

Amon was wary of and utterly perplexed by Eyepatch's behaviour; it appeared utterly deranged. This ghoul had seemed so steadfast, so articulate and sincere when they had first met in the rain those weeks ago, but now it seemed it couldn't even make sense of their precarious situation. Its red, tentacle-like kagune was writhing about in the air as rambled words fell out of its mouth.

'Why did i throw away my humanity? I can't… Not anymore... sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry… Eating me… From the inside… insides… gently scrambled… 923… 916…'

Amon was terrified of what was before him, trapped with him under a pile of rubble, but there was one thing that could still give him the edge. His eyes swept the ground, searching everywhere for the glint of steel that would tell him his quinque was within reach. He was ready to cry with relief when he saw the edge of the briefcase poking out from beneath what looked like a cross beam, but the elation was short lived. Amon skirted across to it, keeping as much distance between himself and the lunatic ghoul as he could. He crouched down to try and pull the weapon free, but it was stuck fast under the debris.

He was trapped, weaponless, and otherwise utterly incapable of defending himself.

'No,' he suddenly heard a small voice say in the raving darkness. 'You always fight, even if it costs you your arms and your legs.'

Amon stood up determinedly and turned to face Eyepatch. The bold movement seemed to have notified Eyepatch of his presence, and the ghoul turned towards him as it knocked its head to one side.

'867… 860…'

It look a step forward, still muttering madly. Amon balled his fists as the ghoul approached him, but then it let out a yell of pain and clutched at its stomach.

'I can feel it… It's eating me…'

The ghoul's kagune was going wild, thrashing about and hitting off the already precarious ceiling. Amon, in what felt like utter desperation, crouched down and tried to tug again at his quinque, but it was no good. He heard a roar of utter anguish and stood up in time to see Eyepatch run forward. The ghoul jumped at Amon and latched its legs around his chest, its strong arms frighteningly close to Amon's throat. The impact of the hit sent them both falling to the ground. Eyepatch had its hands wrapped in Amon's suit and its face in the nape of Amon's neck, but where it had once taken a bite out of Amon's shoulder it was now just murmuring incoherently.

Trickling dust continued to settle, as Amon lay beneath the ghoul. The only sound was their heavy breathing, their rising and falling chests millimetres apart.

Amon didn't know what to do. He lay still for a moment, paralysed with utter shock, but then he reached up his hands slowly and applied a slight pressure to Eyepatch's stomach.

Eyepatch fell away from him easily, landing with a thud on the dusty concrete as its kagune receded into its back.

'They're eating me. They're eating me. This feeling… dissolving into their mouths…'

Eyepatch was lying defeatedly on the ground in front of him, but Amon knew its mind was somewhere else. The ghoul was, truly, the most crazed and insane thing he had ever seen. It began twisting into itself on the ground, muttering all the while.

'Watching me from inside my stomach. Scuttling in my ear. What's 1000 minus 7? I don't know… please… mother, please. I'll be a good boy. I can't eat anymore. I want to be free. Please… please…'

Amon stared at Eyepatch as he saw sobs shudder through it. It wasn't the first time he had seen Eyepatch cry, but it still had him rooted to the spot.

Because it went against everything Amon had ever learnt. Everything he had ever experienced. Ghouls were ruthless killers, and yet here was one lying on the floor, crying and calling out for its mother. There was nothing touching the ghoul, no obvious wound or injury of any kind, and yet it was writhing as though its insides were on fire.

'Maybe it _is_ hurt, and I just can't see it,' Amon said under his breath. They had both been trapped beneath falling rock, after all…

The space they were in went suddenly quiet. The ghoul had apparently passed out, clutching itself tightly in a ball. All Amon could really see now was its bare back that had been sprouting kagune limbs moments before.

Amon retreated as far away as he could in that small space, and after having another half-hearted pull at his quinque, he knelt down on the floor, crossed his arms over his chest, and tried to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do now.

* * *

 _Sorry if it's a bit shoddy in some places. Please review... I would love to know what you think and if I should continue this story. :) Other people have to love a bit of Amoneki as much as I do haha._


	2. After the Dust Has Settled

The tunnel in which the two creatures, human and ghoul, were trapped together had grown deadly quiet. A fluorescent, flickering bulb hanging from a socket was the only source of light. It had been swinging initially, as the building settled around them, but now even that had grown still.

Amon had been unable to sleep a wink. A shiver had set into his bones, and the adrenaline that had coursed through him before had faded to leave him aching and tired.

Amon had almost forgotten that he wasn't alone until he saw a movement at the other side of the room. The ghoul had begun to stir. A leg twitched, followed by a sleepy sigh and then a more pained sounding grunt. Amon could only see Eyepatch's back. Out of Amon's sight, Eyepatch adjusted something on his face, and when it turned around it was wearing the normal, gummy eyepatch mask, as opposed to the spiked one it had been sporting before.

Eyepatch pushed itself up onto all fours, looking pained as it did so, before using the wall to push itself into a standing position.

Amon found that he was already on his feet, and every muscle in his body was tensed. This was different now. Whatever had been going on in Eyepatch's brain to make it so deranged had obviously cleared, and now the ghoul was gazing steadily at Amon. This was the sane version of Eyepatch; the one that had let Amon run away the first time they met. The investigator wasn't yet completely doomed to be ghoul meat, but he still felt like his insides wanted to liquefy and seep out of his skin.

Amon tensed his arms even more, ready to fight, but after watching Amon with a cool look in its exposed grey eye, the ghoul put a hand to its forehead and leant back against the wall behind it.

Its gaze circled the room before looking back at Amon.

'What happened? The ghoul sounded tired, and not at all willing to start a fight.

'You... You don't remember?' Amon said, his voice catching in his throat.

'You're that investigator,' Eyepatch said, wincing as it clicked its back before wrapping its arms around its waist.

Amon couldn't help but blink. Eyepatch looked… fragile.

'I was fighting you...' Eyepatch said. 'Wait, no, it wasn't you, but I fought an investigator and then I ate…' Eyepatch voice faded away momentarily. 'No, then us two did fight, but that's all I can remember.'

'It is?' Amon heard himself say. He didn't really know what else to say.

'What happened?'Its gaze was fixed on Amon again, waiting for an answer.

'We… we fought, you ran. I chased you down here, and we fought again. Then the roof came down and now we're trapped under all this rubble.'

'And you're a bit less willing to fight now, I see,' said the ghoul with a slight smile in its voice, although any proof of such was obliterated by the already grinning mask. Amon was surprised at his words; he hadn't even realised the ghoul had spotted his quinque lodged under the broken beam.

Amon stood up to his full height. 'I will fight if I have to.'

'I don't want to fight you, Mr Investigator. What I want is to get out of here, as I'm sure you do too.'

'That's all you want?' Amon asked, thinking this must have been the easiest killing opportunity for a ghoul ever.

'I wouldn't mind a really good cup of coffee…' the ghoul said, half to itself.

Amon wasn't even sure if he had heard the ghoul correctly, so he pressed on. 'You're right, we have to get out of here.'

'I can use my kagune…' Eyepatch said, its head lifting and its exposed eye turning black. Right on cue, the red limbs came twisting out of its back towards the walls.

'No!' Amon shouted, so his voice bounced repeatedly off the walls. To prevent the ghoul doing anything he stepped forward, and at the same time jumped back in alarm at the sudden appearance of the kagune. Thus, he performed something embarrassingly close to a half pirouette, and stumbled as he glared determinedly at the ghoul. 'I tried to pull my quinque out and all the rubble nearly collapsed on top of us.'

'I'm sure if I just…'

'No, don't!' Amon yelled. 'You might be able to survive it, but I'd definitely be ghoul meat if the rest of that rubble fell on top of me.'

The ghoul looked up as its kagune retreated slowly into its back. 'I think we'd both be gonners.'

'We're just going to have to wait,' Amon said, trying to stay calm at the prospect.

'For what, the CCG? I'm not waiting here for them,' the ghoul said.

'Eyepatch…'

'Eyepatch?'

Amon blinked. 'That's your code name.'

It was the ghoul's turn to blink. 'I have a code name?'

'All the ghoul's do… but that's not the point. The CCG will be looking for me, it's only a matter of time…'

'I am not going to sit and wait for the CCG to get here and throw me into Cochlea,' Eyepatch said, taking a step forward.

'It's where you belong,' Amon said adamantly, taking a step forward too.

'Where I should be is anywhere but stuck in here with you.'

'You're an SS ranked ghoul, just think about how I feel stuck in here with you.'

'Well, I'm not going to eat you, if that's what you're thinking,' the ghoul said, clenching it's fists.

'And why not, exactly?!' shouted Amon.

'What do you mean, 'why not'?'

'You're a ghoul. That's what ghouls do, isn't it? Why are you being so strange?'

'Oh, so you want me to eat you, do you?' Eyepatch said, with a derisive laugh.

'No.'

'Then shut up.'

They had moved closer and closer, and now the ghoul was barely less than a meter away. Its figure really was very slight. It was just when it had the kagune out that it looked so large and powerful.

'I could have people looking for me too,' said Eyepatch quietly.

'You mean ghouls.'

Eyepatch narrowed his exposed eye at Amon. 'When people notice I'm missing they'll start to look for me. I suppose all we can do is wait to see who gets to us first.'

'And what are we supposed to do until then?' Amon asked, a little apprehensively, although he tried not to show it.

'You have no way of fighting me, even if you wanted to, Mr Investigator,' said the ghoul quietly. 'I don't want to hurt you. I suppose all that's left to do is just sit here and wait.'

If Amon was not mistaken, the ghoul seemed a little apprehensive too. Amon wasn't entirely sure what the ghoul was so worried about. As soon as Amon died, the only human trapped in the small space, the ghoul would be able to keep his own strength up, probably enough to bust himself out of there. Now that Amon thought about it, he shouldn't have pointed out the fact that the ghoul had a chance of surviving if the roof caved in. There was nothing to stop Eyepatch making a break for it and leaving Amon to be squished by the rubble. Amon cast a wary look at the ghoul, but his kagune was now completely away and Eyepatch had retreated to lean against the far wall, its visible eye cast downwards.

The ghoul looked very… Ordinary. Amon was shocked at the thought as it flitted across his mind. Eyepatch was still wearing the toothy mask, and dressed all in black, but as it stood there, leaning almost casually against the wall, the ghoul looked rather human. Amon was used to seeing twisted features and flailing kagune and blood splattered everywhere when dealing with ghouls, and was not at all used to seeing them so calm and measured. The ghoul was paying Amon no attention, its exposed eye looking rather glazed. Amon wasn't sure what the ghoul's thoughts had wandered onto, but it was wearing a look that Amon had never before associated with a ghoul. The emotion didn't match ghouls. Those monsters inflicted all the pain, they didn't feel it. They were raging beasts, but the aura Eyepatch was emitting felt so melancholic Amon almost wanted to get up and give him some gesture of reassurance…

Amon felt his eyes widened as he realised how his thoughts had changed. It. It. The ghoul wasn't a he, a person, a being that could hurt and cry and feel loss. It was one of the evil things that caused those bitter emotions in humans, and it didn't deserve Amon's empathy.

Eyepatch let out a long sigh and sank to the ground. It clearly wasn't paying any mind to Amon at all, and he likewise should ignore the ghoul. Just when Amon was trying to find something less disconcerting than a human-like ghoul to think about, Eyepatch said something.

'It's a lot colder now.'

Amon stiffened involuntarily, and immediately decided he didn't like the ghoul talking to him in such a way so close to small talk. But the ghoul was looking at him now, and it seemed to be expecting a reply.

Amon cleared his throat. 'It must be the early hours of the morning by now.'

'And we're just going to wait, are we?'

'Yes,' Amon said, meeting the ghoul's gaze. 'Let's wait.'

* * *

 _Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm not really sure where this is going, I have a tendency to make things up as I go along... Fred and George style ayyyyyyyy. Anyway yeah, I will probably write more anyway, but reviews always make my day so if you have a minute... :)_


	3. Sneak

Amon was almost certain the ghoul was asleep; he hadn't moved for over an hour now.

Amon let out a small growl of anguish and frowned inwardly at himself. Eyepatch was an IT, not a he. If Mado had been there and able to read his thoughts, Amon would not have been able to live for the shame. But ghouls, it seemed, looked exactly the same as normal people when they slept. The ghoul was lying on ITS back, its chest rising and falling steadily. One arm was lying limply across its chest, and the other was resting by its head.

The mask grinned at Amon in the dim light, which gave the investigator a sudden idea.

It was sneaky. Very sneaky. As soon as the ghoul woke it would notice, but it seemed like too good an opportunity to miss. Under that terrifying mask was the face of one of the most wanted ghouls in Tokyo. If Amon could study it even for a moment, then it would be extremely beneficial to the CCG. Of course, Amon wouldn't be able to tell the CCG anything if the ghoul got so angry it decided to eat him after all.

It was a frightening prospect, and the action seemed foolish when Amon thought about it like that. But then his thoughts wandered to his colleges. They would surely ask him what he had done for hours stuck with a ghoul. Amon was still an investigator, and still had to do his best to bring ghouls to justice, including the one now asleep in front of him.

Mustering up all his courage, Amon crept towards Eyepatch. It felt strange being this close to it, and Amon was half surprised that the ghoul had lowered its guard so much to allow itself to fall asleep; not that Amon was so dishonourable that he would kill Eyepatch whilst he was unconcious.

Amon was in a half crouch by Eyepatch's side, and, holding his breath, he leant over and put his hands on the mask. The leather was smooth and warm. Fumbling in the low light, Amon's hands found a small clasp at the side.

His fingers were poised to unclip the mask when Eyepatch's eye snapped open.

Its hand flashed up to grab Amon's wrist. He felt a pressure on his shoulder, and with an ease that mirrored the mere flipping of a pillow the ghoul pushed Amon off and flipped him under him. Amon's back was now pressed into the concrete, and Eyepatch was now almost sitting on top of him, Amon's wrist still grasped firmly in his hand.

Paralysed with fear and embarrassment, Amon stated at the grey eye in the sea of black leather and white hair.. The hanging florescent bulbs cast a dull glow on the white of the ghoul's eye. Amon silently prayed that it would remain that colour.

He still couldn't move, and he didn't know why his limps just wouldn't work, why his hands wouldn't reach up and knock a punch into the ghoul's face. Maybe it was because he knew that anything he did to the ghoul could be reciprocated with ten times the lethal power. But it didn't feel like that. It felt more like when children are caught stealing biscuits from the kitchen. Amon was so used to charging at ghouls head on that sneaking up on Eyepatch in the night now felt utterly wrong.

Eyepatch's body was rigid on top of Amon. One knee was in the ground, and another pushing down on Amon's lungs. His breath felt sharp and quick. The ghoul leant forward, its face an inch away from Amon's neck, and Amon held his breath as he pictured gushing blood and tearing flesh and the cry of pain that would surely spill from his lips. But with a small and defeated sigh the ghoul relaxed, and swung himself to kneel beside Amon on the ground. The ghoul reached up towards its own face. There was a sharp click, and when Eyepatch's hands came away from its face, the mask came away with them.

Amon stared transfixed at the face of the ghoul before him. The grey eye he knew so well had a twin beside it, above delicate features and a soft mouth. The ugly and frightening face that the mask had created had come away to reveal one that not only looked strikingly enthralling, but also painfully human. The troubled expression Amon had caught a glimpse of earlier was even more pronounced when both eyes were showing, and looked like it had been etched into Eyepatch's skin long before that moment.

'There you go,' Eyepatch said, and pressed the mask down into Amon's chest. 'You can keep it. I suppose I won't be needing it anymore.'

The ghoul sat there on his knees for half a moment, then got up and walked to the other end of the room. There he slid down the wall and pulled his knees up to his chest, as if for Eyepatch the investigator had left the room as much as the mask had left the his face.

Amon stared down at the thing that had given Eyepatch his now infamous nickname. It bared its teeth as much as it had ever done. With a small shiver Amon quickly rolled over and let it fall on to the concrete.

Amon felt embarrassed and ashamed, emotions he had never dreamed a ghoul would be able to invoke in him. It felt like he had invaded the ghoul's privacy, and the word sorry started to form in his mouth. It was ready and waiting to be said, but Amon didn't dare. The silence was heavy, and instead, hoping to erase the awkwardness, Amon rolled onto his side, facing away from the ghoul, and pretended to fall asleep.

* * *

When Amon woke up he for a moment forgot where he was. He stretched, rolled over, sat up, and immediately let out a small yell and backed away from the freakish set of teeth grinning up at him from the floor. The ghoul's mask looked scary, but somehow broken when it was not being worn by its owner. Amon's thoughts flicked to the ghoul and his eyes followed suit.

The ghoul had fallen back to sleep. He had slipped down from his sitting position and was lying with his eyes closed and his back against the wall.

Amon felt himself leaning in closer to get a better look at the young man, because that was something Amon was now sure he was. And what was more, it was a young man Amon recognised. What had the others at the CCG called him? Amon had seen his name written on the case notes. Kaneki… Kaneki Ken! The student who had been in the accident and who had disappeared from his home and workplace. That student, it seemed, was the ghoul lying asleep before him.

A muscle twitched in the ghoul's arm, and the investigator quickly jumped backwards, sat down against a wall and looked anywhere but at the ghoul. Eyepatch yawned, and changing a glance Amon saw him prop himself up on his arm. One side of his white hair was dishevelled, and the side of his face that had been covered by the mask was almost comically whiter and cleaner than the rest of his exposed skin.

The ghoul looked over towards Amon with slightly bleary eyes, then he blinked as his eyes came into focus and he touched a hand quickly to his newly uncovered eye. Eyepatch's gaze fell onto the mask that lay between them, and he let his hand drop. Amon wanted to squirm with how awkward he felt. He couldn't, he couldn't do it. He scrambled up and stepped forward as quickly as he could before bending his body in a low bow.

'Please accept my most heartfelt apologies,' Amon said, keeping his eyes fixed on the cracked concrete and his back arched.

He heard the ghoul get to his feet and walk forward, but still Amon remained in his bow.

'What are you apologising for? That's your job isn't it, unmasking ghouls?'

'I feel ashamed of the manner in which I went about it. It was dishonourable to sneak up on you, and was a complete breach of privacy and trust…'

'Trust?' the ghoul said with a small, amicable laugh.

'I am sorry for it!' said Amon again.

'Mr Investigator, would you mind telling me your name?.

Amon froze, his back rigid. Was he allowed to do that? Surely, it was the least he could do, and there was nothing wrong with the ghoul knowing…

'Amon. Amon Koutarou.'

'Pleased to make your acquaintance, Amon Koutarou,' said the ghoul softly, and Amon was shocked upon looking up to see the ghoul's hand outstretched towards him.

Amon stared at it for a moment, then stood up and cleared his throat awkwardly.

The ghoul called Kaneki watched him with a warm and apparently sincere smile. 'We've both been very rude really, having attacked each other so often without even introducing ourselves.'

Amon found himself laugh under his breath, then mustering up all his investigator courage he walked forward and shook his enemy's hand.

'I'm Kaneki Ken,' the ghoul said as their hands met.

Amon paused. 'I know,' he said, rather dumbly. 'I… I recognise you from the missing persons posters. The CCG has a few files on you too.'

'Really?' Eyepatch said, releasing Amon's hand and folding his arms with a casual smile playing about his lips. 'Then you must know about Rize.'

'Rize?'

Kaneki smiled even more. 'You see,' he said quietly, 'no one cares about you!' He was almost smirking now as he said, 'And you call yourself an investigator?'

Amon could tell that Eyepatch was half joking, but it stuck a chord with him. He already felt like a fool of an investigator for getting trapped with a ghoul.

'Well, I don't know who Rize is, but I know quite a lot about you,' Amon said, thanking Mado in heaven that he had taken the time to read the reports thoroughly. 'I know you were a literature student. I know you lived alone, that your mother died when you were very young…'

'None of this has anything to do with her,' the ghoul said, somewhat stiffly, all trace of a smile gone. Now the injured-looking young man was back.

Clearly Amon had managed to strike a chord too.


	4. Turn of Feeling

_Did anyone read the latest Tokyo Ghoul: re chapter? I don't want to spoil it for anyone but ahhhhh I think they're finally going to meet again! ...ahhhhhh! (Why am I so obsessed with this pairing? Anyway…)_

* * *

After their pretence at formalities, and their conversation that had yet again resulted in antagonism, the trapped two had fallen into another awkward silence as they sat across from each other on the concrete.

Amon felt very uncomfortable to say the least, and not just because he knew that some time soon he was going to need to take a leak, and didn't want to have to do it against a collapsed wall while an SS ranked ghoul watched.

His brain was also a whirlwind of thoughts. He was remarkably still alive, and the biggest threat was just sitting casually across from him picking at a loose thread in his trousers. He was even referring to said threat as an actual person now, and that alone was disconcerting.

Additionally, was this not what Amon had always wanted? A chance to stop fighting with this peculiar ghoul and actually talk to him? And now he had the perfect chance.

'We've been in here for ages now…' Eyepatch said, without looking up.

Amon didn't respond. His vocal chords felt like they were doing something close to eating each other, leaving him unable to make a sound.

Then in the silence, and almost as though Eyepatch's words had been the cue for which they were waiting, a faint scraping and thudding started. It was very quiet, but it sounded like it was coming from one end of the caved-in tunnel.

Eyepatch had heard it too.

'Do you think…?'

Just ask him, Amon thought. He needed answers, and their time stuck together was running out.

'Eyepatch…'

'Kaneki,' the ghoul corrected. 'Ghouls may not be 'people' as far as you're concerned, but we still have real names.'

'Well, I…' Amon felt awkward yet again, and so skirted around the ghoul's comment. 'I want to talk to you, Kaneki. I've wanted to, ever since the day we first met and you told me to run away.'

'You never clock off, do you Amon?

'Pardon?'

'We're sat here waiting for a rescue we're not even sure is coming, and you're still investigating?'

'No… no, that isn't why I want to talk to you. It's for more… personal reasons.'

Eyepatch sat up a little straighter and looked at Amon.

Amon took a deep breath and continued. 'The thing is, Eye- Kaneki, you see… I was orphaned at a young age, and I was brought up by a priest who turned out to be a ghoul. He ate… All the other children were killed by him, except me, and ever since, I've wondered why he let me live. And then I met you, and you let me live as well. I want to know…'

His voice faded away, and Kaneki also seemed to be lost for words. The ghoul closed his eyes briefly, then met Amon's with a steady gaze.

'Amon… I'm sorry, but I didn't let you live for any reason other than because you were a living, breathing person, and I didn't want to become a murderer.'

Ice felt like it was being poured down Amon's back. A horrid feeling stirred in his belly at the sight of Kaneki's expression, which was unbearably close to pity. And what he had said… it was such an obvious… such a blatant lie. This GHOUL, didn't want to kill humans? How was he still alive if he had never killed and eaten someone before? It was clear he had been eating other ghouls of late, but he was only half a kakuja, and so he obviously had been eating people before he made the switch.

Amon had poured out one of his inner most secrets to 'Kaneki', and he was being met with lies.

'But… you're a ghoul for crying out loud!' Amon said, the anger solidifying within him.

'Thanks for reminding me,' Eyepatch said dryly, but with a relatively friendly smile on his face.

Amon just stared at the ghoul, because he didn't know what to say. He was angry because he just wanted a straight-forward answer.

No, he knew why he was really angry. He had been waiting to hear something more; that he was in some way different, special even. With his closest thing to family being an ex-priest murderous ghoul, he had wanted, in fact _needed_ meaning in this shitty life full of stress and work and death.

Amon had thought Eyepatch was the key to something, but he wasn't. If anything, he was like the priest. There he sat, smiling sweetly and lying, and all the while the blood running through his veins was that of undiluted evil.

It was clear that Eyepatch had sensed Amon's agitated state, and he was looking over with an imitation of concern on his face. The tone with which he spoke was obviously supposed to be comforting.

'Amon, I don't know why that ghoul didn't kill you, but… you shouldn't let his actions haunt your thoughts. He probably didn't even think about it, didn't even make a conscious decision to let you live. The point is he did, and it's not your fault that the other children were killed and you weren't.' Eyepatch let out a sigh. 'I used to let stuff like that bother me, Amon-san, and blame myself for everything that went wrong in my life, but it eats you up from the inside.'

Amon raised his head and looked into the young man's grey eyes. One of them he had seen black and red numerous times. And the mouth… that mild-mannered mouth of his was the same one that had once ripped a chunk of flesh away from Amon's shoulder. It was the mouth of a monster.

The investigator crossed his arms stiffly and found a spot on the floor to stare at.

'What I want to know, Eyepatch, is if you didn't want to kill me, then why did you fight me at all?'

The ghoul had clocked the returned use of his codename, but didn't comment. He just pulled his knees up to his chest, looking even smaller than he had before. Despite how hard he tried to squash the emotion, Amon still felt guilty for rejecting Eyepatch's kind words.

Eyepatch sighed. 'Of course he hates me! He's a Dove, isn't he?' he said, not looking at Amon.

'What?'

Eyepatch's gaze shifted to the investigator. 'Are you talking about that time in the rain?'

'You might not have killed me, Eyepatch, but because of you my partner was killed. Because you wouldn't let me go and help him.'

The ghoul frowned. 'That is the exact reason why I fought you. Your partner was hunting down my friend, and if I had let you reach her, she and my other friend would have been killed. I had to stop you…'

'Those friends you are referring to are no doubt the child and Rabbit. They killed my partner!' Amon said, glaring as he stood up, his fists clenched.

'Yes, and if I had let you reach them you and your partner would have killed my friends instead,' Eyepatch said, getting up himself. 'I wasn't going to let you do that, not after I had watched you kill her mother and been unable to stop it!'

Kaneki came forward into the middle of the small space, his fists also balled together.

'It was horrible, that feeling of being utterly powerless and unable to save my friends! And d'you know what, Investigator Amon? The day I met you was the first moment I realised that I had a unique position. Humans and ghouls are forever fighting one another, and none of them understand each other, but I do! I remember what it was like to live in fear of ghouls, and I know now what it's like to be constantly hunted and be a slave to your bloody dietary requirements, whilst watching friends and family be killed around you. For ghouls it's completely normal to have countless loved ones die, and then can you imagine how horrific it is when those same family members are turned into your damn quinque weapons to be used to kill even more of us!'

A louder scraping came from behind the debris. Whoever was trying to dig them out was getting closer.

Amon felt panicked. His thoughts were racing, and he couldn't take it all in; what Eyepatch was saying didn't make any sense. He was leaving Amon with even more questions than he had answers.

'You're… you're friggin insane,' Amon said.

'Oh! You see? There's no point! I've only told you a snippet of the truth, and you don't believe a word I say!'

'Of course I don't!' Amon shouted. They were now only a foot away from each other. There was some twisting anger in him that wanted to escape, and his hands itched to hold his quinque, so everything could go back to normal; an Investigator confronting a ghoul.

'Because you can't see that I'm a person with people I want to protect!'

Eyepatch was so close now, looking up at Amon aggressively. Amon couldn't stand it.

His arms moved up and pushed Eyepatch hard in the chest, making him stumble backwards.

'But you're claiming you don't want to hurt me either?' Amon said with something between a sneer and a snarl as he walked forward.

Eyepatch shook his head. 'Not if I can help it.'

Amon pushed him again, sending him snack into the wall and causing dust to fall, tinging Eyepatch's white hair with grey.

Amon caught the strands in his fist and yanked the ghoul's head back. The ghoul let out a gasp of surprise, but when he did nothing else to respond Amon pulled even tighter. He felt a few hairs snap.

'Fight back, god dammit!' Amon seethed. 'You're a ghoul. You could rip my arms off right now if you wanted to, but you're letting me do this? You're a friggin ghoul… I don't understand why you don't act like one!'

And Eyepatch wasn't even doing anything to protect himself; he only had his blackened fingers pressed lightly against Amon's stomach. It was like trying to protect yourself from the rain with a sheet of tissue paper.

Kaneki's face was wrenched back towards the ceiling, but he was watching Amon out of the bottom of his eyes.

'You're right,' Kaneki said quietly. 'I am a ghoul.'

Amon watched as the ghoul's Adam's apple quivered in his throat. His face was white, like his hair, which was grasped tightly by Amon's fist. It was odd seeing the whole of his face so up close like this, when he had been only an unnerving mask for months now. He looked so incredibly young, and yet, far from innocent. His expression was hard and his gaze unwavering.

'I am a ghoul,' Kaneki said again, almost in a whisper. 'You're an investigator. Maybe you should kill me.' Amon felt a cool grasp on his free hand, and the ghoul pressed it to his midriff. 'Look.'

Amon could feel warm leather and hard muscle, and from deep within, a low, growling rumble.

'Can you feel that, Mr Investigator?' Eyepatch said. 'I'm hungry.'

Amon stiffened, and his hand didn't object as Kaneki leant forward and pulled his hair out of Amon's grip.

The ghoul, still holding Amon's hand to his stomach, leant further forward still, until the two of them were less than a finger width apart. There was silence, but for their quiet breathing and the constant scraping in the background. Kaneki's head was in line with Amon's shoulder, and he took a deep, whispered sniff.

'You smell really, really nice.'

Amon was immobile. His body seemed to have shut down on him. There was some kind of static between their two bodies, keeping him in place. What was the matter with him? The presence of this damned ghoul was both drowning him and drawing him in.

Suddenly Eyepatch was laughing as though someone had cracked an hilarious joke, and looking over Amon's shoulder he said, 'Exactly! He doesn't know how good he smells! This whole damn room is saturated with the flavour.'

'Shut up!' Amon screamed, and grabbing Kaneki's throat he pushed him back against the wall. 'Who are you talking to, you mental case?! Shut up shut up shut up.'

'Every time you move, Amon, I get a whiff of it. My mother used to make hamburgers, and cook them in our kitchen. The smell would fill the house and draw me to the oven, so strong on the air it was like I could already taste the hot, sizzling meat. Time would go incredibly slowly until I had that very first bite.'

Amon could feel Eyepatch's breath, unhindered, tickling the hairs on his skin. No matter how hard he squeezed, the ghoul's neck would not give.

'I want to eat you, Amon-san. But I won't. I refuse.'

With a roar of anger Amon let go and stumbled backwards. 'I don't understand you!'

Eyepatch nodded, casting his eyes sideways. 'I don't understand why that bothers you so much.'

'I suppose,' said Amon, as the clogs started to clink in his mind, 'You don't eat humans because you only like to eat other ghouls.'

Eyepatch's face was an instant grimace, and he stood up a bit straighter. 'No one could possibly like eating ghouls. They taste like death itself.'

'Then why do you eat them, Kakuja.'

Eyepatch shot Amon a look at the obvious name calling. 'I don't want to eat humans, and I want to be stronger. The only alternative would just be… to let myself die, and I'm not… I'm not ready for that yet…' Their was a strange look on Kaneki's face now; his smile all of a sudden felt very fake. 'I suppose that's just me being selfish.'

So. Many. Questions. And so much loathing. And so much of… what was this feeling? Guilty interest?

'I don't understand you, Eyepatch,' Amon said quietly, 'but I want to.'

* * *

 _Abrupt ending sorry, because it felt like this chapter was getting too long. Btw, I'm quite busy over the next few days, so sorry if updates are more spaced out._

 _Thanks for the lovely reviews! I love the intrigue from you guys and hearing what you think and which bits you like._


	5. Rescue

The scraping sound had become louder than ever.

'That's one of our sides, I suppose,' Eyepatch said.

There was a very silent pause, quickly followed by a louder and more intense scrape, and several clangs and thuds.

'If it's friends of mine, then don't worry, Amon-san. I won't let them hurt you.' Kaneki smiled mirthlessly. 'And don't worry about reciprocating that statement either. I know what your people will do to me; not that I plan to give up without a fight.'

More clanging and banging sounded from behind the wall by which they stood. Kaneki span around and came to stand beside Amon. Amon cast a sideways glance at him. Here stood an incredibly powerful ghoul, who didn't want to attack and eat people. A sensitive and emotional youth, who was decisive, determined and strong-willed. And his behaviour was just so… so human.

'It sounds, very much, like some kind of crane or digger,' Kaneki said, his eyes scanning the debris. 'My friends wouldn't need to use anything like that.'

That was enough said. 'It's the CCG,' Amon said under his breath.

'Where's my mask?'

'You're…? Oh! You're mask…'

Kaneki's eyes were scanning the concrete floor. 'Where is it?'

'There,' Amon said, pointing to the side of the room.

Eyepatch darted towards it and fastened the clasp around his face. Then an especially large scrape sounded and the room was filled with swirling dust as a large chunk of concrete was removed from the wall.

'Amon!' Kaneki yelled. A cross beam that had been supporting a lot of the remaining wall had failed, and raining chunks of metal and rock were crashing everywhere. Amon made himself as small as possible as the noise ceased and the dust settled. His eyes had been tight shut, but he opened them when a cough came from above him.

Amon looked up into a twisting mass of red and pulsing kagune limbs.

'Ow,' Eyepatch said with a grimace, because it was definitely Eyepatch again now, his immobile, gummy grin leering at Amon.

It could have been worse. It was only one wall that had imploded, and there was now a way through to the rest of the tunnel, but Amon knew that if Eyepatch hadn't been crouched over him in protection, then he would most certainly be dead.

'Th… thank you.'

Eyepatch retracted his kagune and slid sideways into the floor.

'Amon-san!' Came a voice from the tunnel beyond, that looked to be lit by several floodlights.

'The idiots,' Amon muttered. 'They could have killed us.'

'I have to get out of here…' Eyepatch said, wincing as he pulled himself to his feet. 'Are you going to let me leave?'

Amon paused momentarily, then nodded. 'But we can't leave it here. I have a lot I want to talk to you about.'

'I'd be happy to talk,' Kaneki said with a small smile, and Amon almost smiled back. Almost.

Then a shadowed face appeared in the hole in the wall, coupled with a hand that pointed a torch into the room. 'We're so sorry, Amon-san. We didn't realise how precarious the construction was.' Then the person, presumably an investigator, let out a yell and stepped back in alarm. They had spotted Eyepatch.

'Time to go,' said the ghoul, and springing forward he jumped through the hole. Amon heard more yells and shouting, but from what he could tell there had been no one there ready to stop an escaping ghoul. Soon Amon was climbing through the hole himself, into the midst of rather flustered but concerned looking investigators.

He was met with several cries of greeting as he emerged, but he was quick to usher them all out if he precarious tunnel. Once they had reached safety Amon turned to the underling investigators.

'I appreciate you coming to free me,' Amon said, 'but the thoughtlessness of trying to open the passage as quickly as possible nearly cost me my life. Please be more discerning in future.'

The investigators looked appalled, and Amon turned and walked towards the larger gathering of CCG members.

'Amon-san, the ghoul, the centipede…'

'He was down there with you the whole time?'

'What happened?'

'He got away,' Amon said. That was all he was going to say, at least to these lower ranks. He couldn't even make sense of it all in his own head, let alone voice what had happened.

He spotted Suzuya and caught his eye.

'Ahhhh, Amonnnn. You have been gone for so long! They made us wait.'

'What happened with Shinohara? Is he alive?'

Juuzou laughed and stuck out a tongue. 'Just bashed up! Shinohara said the ghoul only nibbled at him. It found his armour more appetising than his old man flesh!'

The damn kakuja, Amon thought, although he was glad that Shinohara was alright.

'Don't call him that, Second Class,' Amon said sternly. ''Old Man' Shinohara could easily have died, and then think about how upset you would be.'

'Oh, but I wouldn't,' Juuzou said, twisting one of his slippers into the ground with his foot.

Amon frowned. 'Is that supposed to be a joke?'

'Nope! I think nothing of stuff like that; it really doesn't bother me!'

All of a sudden Amon's hands were aggressively clutching Suzuya's stupid, oversized shirt. Amon stared at him with deepest loathing.

'What?' Juuzou said, wearing a rather derisive expression.

With a huff Amon let go of him and turned away. He was a nut job, just like Eyepatch. Maybe that was why he was so quick to anger and turn to violence when dealing with them both.

Or, Amon thought sarcastically, maybe it's just because they both have white hair and an irritating tendancy towards breaking the established rules of society.


	6. CCG

Her pealing laugh echoed around the wide street, as she strutted along beside him.

' _Well, Kaneki, I have to say it; you have never looked finer!'_

Kaneki rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his pockets.

' _Awwwww_ , _don't be like that_!' Rize closed the gap between them and slid her arm through his.

'Everything is a joke to you, isn't it?' Kaneki muttered.

 _'By no means! Although, if this isn't a joke, Kaneki, then it is unbelievably stupid. Although,'_ she said, with a flick of her hair _, 'this turn of events might be rather amusing to watch. Especially with you dressed like that!'_ And she burst out laughing again _._

The disguise was necessary; white hair caught far too much attention, and he wanted to blend in with the other office workers. Reflected in the large glass windows of each passing building was a black haired, smartly dressed man dressed in a coat, shirt and trousers, with no purple haired woman hanging on their arm.

 _'Ahhhhh, but Kaneki! Just look at them all_!' Rize was looking this way and that, at all the straight faced men and women with briefcases hurrying by. ' _All heading off to their dismal desk jobs. It was where you were heading, Kaneki. After uni you would have been left wth nothing more than this. Aren't you glad I saved you from this monotony_?'

'Gosh, yeah,' Kaneki said. 'I really should be grovelling at your feet in utter appreciation.'

Rize laughed again and clutched his arm tighter.

Kaneki sighed. Although most of the time she was a nuisance, and a constant reminder of how his sanity had been stolen from him, on this occasion her presence was actually rather comforting, as the imposing grey headquarters of the CCG loomed into view.

 _'Kanekiiiiiii, it's really not worth it. They'll catch you and kill us, or there'll be a cell in Cochlea with your name on it.'_

It had taken him a couple of days to work up the courage to do this, and now he was finally here he wasn't about to give up.

'I've done this before, with Touka,' Kaneki said, 'and I know I can get through the RC scanners, so there's no way of them finding out that I'm a ghoul.'

 _'They'll sniff you out, I know they will, and all this to find that stupid Amon. He might catch one glance of you and immediately sound the… what are you doing?'_

Kaneki had flipped his phone out of his pocket and pressed it to his ear.

'This might be news to you,' Kaneki said, 'but most people get funny looks when they walk down the street talking to someone who _doesn't actually exist_.'

 _'Pffff, you always say that,'_ Rize said _._

'Because it's _true_ …'

 _'I'm just a different section of your brain, you fool!'_ Rize exclaimed _. 'Although the phone trick is actually pretty clever.'_

'Wow, thanks Rize, an actual compliment!' Kaneki said, with obvious sarcasm.

They had reached the front doors, but Rize stopped abruptly, making Kaneki turn to face her. She didn't even have to say anything.

'I'm serious, Rize,' Kaneki said. 'I'm going to find Amon. We never arranged a time or place to meet, and this is the only way I'll find him again.'

 _'Anddddd... like I told you before, he despises your very existence_ ,' Rize said _,_ folding her arms _. 'And he was pushing you about all over the place! He seems like an angry person…'_

'I have to try and talk to him again. I gave to try and make him understand.'

 _'You're being very foolish, Kaneki,'_ Rize said _,_ all hint of humour gone _._

'And you're becoming very boring,' Kaneki said. Turning on his heal he left Rize standing on the curb as he walked into the building of the CCG.

* * *

The reception area was as Kaneki remembered; it was clean, modern, and bustling with the polite chatter of suit-clad CCG workers.

A receptionist gave him a pleasant smile as Kaneki approached him.

'What can I help you with, sir?'

'If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to talk to Investigator Amon Koutarou.'

The receptionist frowned ever so slightly. 'Do you have a scheduled appointment?'

'No, but I'm a… friend of his. If you would just…'

'I'm sorry sir, but you can't just come in and ask to see a first class investigator like that. The investigator is very busy…'

Kaneki opened his mouth to respond when a female voice interrupted their conversation.

'You want to see Amon?'

Kaneki turned to see a petite woman with short blonde hair, immaculately dressed in a grey suit.

'Er, yes. I'm a friend of his, and I've been trying to get hold of him. I just need him for five minutes…'

'Well, I'm sure that would be alright.' The blonde woman nodded at the receptionist and gestured for Kaneki to follow her. She was limping ever so slightly as she led him across the entrance hall.

'What's your name?'

Kaneki's brain flickered. He hadn't thought to prepare a fake name. Kaneki Ken wouldn't do at all. His brain whirred into panic and his mouth said the first name that came to mind.

'Nagachika Hideyoshi.'

The blonde woman stopped dead and span on her heels to look at him. Her gaze was unnerving to say the least; she seemed to radiate shrewd intelligence.

'Interesting.' She folded her arms, tapping one finger against her elbow. 'My name is Mado Akira,' and she reached out to shake his hand. 'I'm Amon's partner.'

In Kaneki's mind there was a flash of a flailing centipede kagune, red blood, Amon Koutarou brandishing his quinque and this woman crouching behind him. Kaneki hoped to hell that it wasn't his fault she was limping.

They had reached the RC gates now. Akira walked through, and gestured at Kaneki to follow with what looked like a rather calculating smile on her face.

Kaneki new he was miraculously immune to the gate, but he still felt uneasy as he walked through. Akira looked at him for a very long moment, before taking him to a lift.

'Eighth floor, office 409,' she said. 'I'm afraid I don't have time to accompany you any further.'

And that was that. She walked away, and Kaneki got into the lift, hoping that the outcome of this bold move of his was anything close to favourable.

* * *

It had been three days now, and Amon couldn't get the encounter in the tunnel out of his mind. He had been offered paid leave to recover, but had only taken a day of it to catch up on sleep. Upon his return he had been questioned an innumerous amount of times, by what felt like the entire building, about what had happened for those hours trapped in Kanou's lab. Amon had been as vague as possible without being obviously avoidant. Most people were shocked by the fact that Amon hadn't been eaten, but Amon would at that point mention kakuja and that would be enough to quell the questions.

A knock sounded on his and Akira's office door, and expecting another of these curious investigators Amon called a less than warm bid for them to enter.

A man with black hair and a shirt and tie came in. He had a coat slung over his arm and…

He was wearing an eyepatch over his left eye.

Amon shot up from his chair, pushing it backwards noisily.

'You!?'

Eyepatch offered Amon an unsure smile.

'Hello…'

'What are you going here?' Amon cried, walking around the desk. The door was still open, so Amon lowered his tone as he went on to say, 'are you really as crazy as I thought you were, Eyepatch?'

It was curious, Amon thought, that Kaneki still wore the eyepatch even when he was pretending to be human, and even curiouser that he wore it over the opposite eye. He was also sporting what Amon guessed was a wig, although to any unknowing eyes his hair looked perfectly normal.

'Well, I knew you'd be here, and there was no way that you could find me, so the choice was obvious,' Kaneki said, and his eyes bunched up in a smile. 'I hope that wasn't too intrusive of me.'

Amon didn't know what to say.

'I couldn't help noticing that there aren't any posters with my face up saying WANTED. You haven't ratted me out yet, which is interesting.'

'What's to stop me grabbing your ghoulish ass and sending you to Cochlea right now?' Amon asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Kaneki smiled. 'I did consider that, and it is probably where you think I belong, but surely you must have realised by now that there is no danger with me being loose in the streets.'

'Your intention does seem to be fairly honourable, but what if you were to lose control, and say, bite a chunk out of someone's shoulder? It's happened before, after all.'

'Er… I'm really sorry about that, Amon,' Kaneki said, sheepishly scratching his head. 'Although, at that point I hadn't lost control. I actually bit you because I needed to be stronger in order to fight you off.'

'Oh.'

'Amon-saaaaaan, konnnnbannnwaaa,' came a voice down the corridor, followed by an airy chuckle.

'Koutarou, how's it going?' asked Shinohara in his usual friendly tone, as he swung his head around the open office door. Although still bruised and battered from the fight a few days ago, he was now out of hospital and back to his normal cheery self. He was followed by his garishly dressed partner, who half danced his way into the room.

'Oh, excuse us,' Shinohara said as he spotted Kaneki. 'Are we interrupting something?'

This was bad. Kaneki being in the CCG headquarters was alone appalling, but him talking to other investigators? They would surely notice something.

Juuzou Suzuya walked right up to Kaneki and peered at his one visible eye. 'You look very different compared to when I last saw you.'

Amon didn't at all like the way Suzuya was looking at the ghoul.

Kaneki blinked. 'Have… have we met?'

Suzuya hummed tunelessly with a calculating look in his red eyes.

'Do you work here by any chance, young man?' Shinohara asked.

Amon wondered whether or not Kaneki recognised Shinohara as the person he had nibbled a few days prior. Clearly the investigator hadn't recognised Kaneki, but this was still a situation that was less than ideal.

'Er, no, Sir. I'm just here visiting Amon-San.'

'Ooooh?' Suzuya said, in that high pitched way of his, before he turned to Amon. 'Who could this person be to you, Amon-San? Your lover, perhaps?'

Amon felt the heat rise in his face, and saw the same embarrassed shade on Kaneki.

'Certainly not, Suzuya. This is just my… friend.'

Kaneki just looked at him.

'Pleased to meet you, Amon's friend,' Suzuya called, but instead of offering a hand to shake he did a kind of salute.

'His name is Tsuki Yukio,' Amon said quickly.

'But please call me Yuki,' Kaneki said, with half a glance at Amon. Other than said sneaking look, he articulated the lie perfectly.

'And my name is Suzuya Juuzou! Hajimimashite, Yuki-chan,' said the wack-job, pulling at the stitching in his mouth.

'Nice to meet you too,' Kaneki said.

'And I'm Shinohara Yukinori,' he said shaking the ghoul's hand. 'Yuki my man, if you're friends with Amon here then you must have heard about his near death experience!'

'Shinohara,' Amon said, disapprovingly, 'I would say that your experience had you much closer to death than mine.'

'Nah,' Shinohara said, waving a hand. 'I only got a few cuts and bruises. Amon-San was trapped with a ghoul for nearly a day with no weapon, and lived to tell the tale!'

Amon could just feel in the air how tense Kaneki was. He only hoped that the others didn't notice it too.

'But as I've said before, Shinohara, the ghoul was in no fit state to attack me anyway. He was unconscious for most of the time.'

'It's a shame you didn't have your quinque, Amon-San,' Juuzou said, with a glint in his eyes. 'That would have been an easy kill, after all!'

'Yes, well…' said Amon, not looking at Kaneki. 'Can we change the subject? I feel like all I've been talking about lately is that damned ghoul.'

'Of course, of course!' said Shinohara, laughing and clapping Amon on the shoulder. 'Juuzou and I were about to clock off for the day, and we were going to get something to eat. You in? And please bring your friend! It's not often we get new people for dinner.'

'New people… for…?' Kaneki said quietly.

'No, no… thank you, Shinohara, but _Yuki_ was only popping by…'

'Amon-sannnn!' Suzuya cried childishly. 'We want to get to know your friend!'

'Yes, come on, the more the merrier!' Shinohara said, and Amon stared in horror as Suzuya put his arm through Kaneki's and led the way down the corridor towards the lifts.

* * *

 _Thank you if you are one of those who reviewed!_


	7. Friends for Dinner

Perhaps Rize had indeed been right. Kaneki had been just a _little_ foolish when he wandered alone into the CCG headquarters. He had been so solely focussed on Amon's reaction and gaining his trust, that he had completely disregarded the fact that he might be forced to engage with other investigators. It was a stupid, idiotic oversight. He was only thankful that Rize wasn't present at that point, so he didn't have to hear _'I told you so_!'.

The young blond investigator was still clutching onto Kaneki's arm as the group of four walked down the darkened and busy streets of Tokyo. He was incredibly peculiar, and also smelt more like a child than an adult investigator. Kaneki could guess at his sex, but didn't want to jump to any conclusions. This person was endearingly ambiguous to say the least.

The older investigator was walking behind Kaneki and Suzuya Juuzou, conversing with Amon. They sounded like they were deep in conversation, and yet Kaneki could feel Amon's eyes on the back of his neck; the hairs there were sticking up like needles stabbed into his skin.

'The place is just around the corner. It's a Korean-style restaurant I've taken a liking to recently.'

'Do you like Korean food, Yuki-San?' Amon asked, with a certain edge to his voice.

Kaneki paused for a split second. If he was going to get away from this meal without a quinque through his stomach, then his human-like behaviour would have to be immaculate.

'Hum, that depends, Amon-San. I don't mind bibimbap and the like, but the barbecues aren't really to my taste.'

'Oh, that's fine,' Shinohara said dismissively. 'They have lots of options.'

Amon was walking behind a ghoul, who was arm in arm with an investigator, who were both chatting amicably.

'He's quite a good looking lad, your friend,' Shinohara commented, following Amon's gaze. 'Although, don't pay any attention to what Juuzou said!' he added, after watching Amon's features form into a frown.

'I don't really know him all that well, if I'm honest,' Amon said.

'Well, he seems nice enough, and Juuzou's certainly taken quite a shine to him.'

'I'm not sure I entirely trust Juuzou's judgement of character,' Amon said gruffly.

'Cheer up, Koutarou!' Shinohara said with a laugh. 'Oh, here we are,' And he jumped ahead of Kaneki and Suzuya, into the Korean restaurant.

'Table for four please,' Shinohara requested, and soon they had sat down and were perusing the menu.

Amon had taken a seat across from Kaneki, and kept shooting him glances over the top of the drinks list he was holding.

'I think I'll have the kimbap…' Suzuya said, to himself it seemed, 'And the sesame sauce and sweet potatoes. Shinohara-San, can I have pudding too?'

'…yes,' the investigator said with a sigh.

'Get whatever you like, Yuki-chan. Shinohara always pays!' Suzuya said with a tinkering laugh.

The waiter came. Amon ordered bibimbap with mushroom rice, Shinohara got the barbecue platter, and Kaneki…

'And for you, sir?'

'The beef noodles, please,' Kaneki said, without missing a beat, 'And a large iced coffee.'

'Black?'

'Yes, please.'

In no time at all their food had arrived. Amon was watching Kaneki very closely, and the ghoul noticed.

He looked Amon right in the eye. 'Do you wish you had ordered what I did, Amon?'

'Ah! Food regret is the worst,' Shinohara said, happily digging into his meat skewers. 'Your food looks pretty good too though, Amon.'

As they ate and flitted through conversation, Amon took every opportunity he could to watch Kaneki. He used his chopsticks with expertise, and was apparently content with his meal. At one point Amon could have sworn he saw Kaneki gag slightly, but it turned almost immediately into a polite cough. The only thing that seemed off in the slightest was when Kaneki finished the bowl. He chomped the last few mouthfuls as quickly as he could and washed it down with a gigantic chug of coffee. After that, however, he leant back with a smile and a hand on his stomach and said how full he was.

'I'm not!' Suzuya said, as he threw the last bite of his meal into his mouth.

'Here's the desert menu, Juuzou,' Shinohara said defeatedly.

'I'm far too full,' Kaneki said with a smile as he watched Juuzou pour over the list. 'None of you smoke, do you?'

The other three shook their heads. 'I'll just pop out for a quick fag then, while you guys eat your pudding. Won't be a minute.'

He grabbed his coat and slid off his seat. Amon watched the ghoul walk away, who bowed politely after almost bashing into a waiter.

'You guys go ahead and order yourselves pudding,' Amon said. 'I'm going to take a leak.'

'I think I'll get the mochi and the ice cream…'

'No! Juuzou, you can't have two…'

Leaving them to their familiar bickering, Amon walked through the restaurant, around the corner, past the bathroom and out the back door.

He heard it before he saw it. A retching noise was coming from behind a large bin, followed by a disgusting splattering sound. Amon took careful steps forward, and there was Kaneki, crouching on the floor beside a puddle of his own sick.

He span around quickly at the sound of Amon's shoes on the gritty back road, but relaxed when he saw who it was.

'You followed me, Amon?' he said in a shaky voice. 'I had a feeling you might, but I don't really know why you would want to see this.'

'I was watching you in there. To an unknowing eye you didn't step a toe out of line.'

Kaneki frowned, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 'But you yourself could tell I wasn't enjoying it? Which part?'

'You chugged down your coffee a little too quickly at the end, like you wanted to get rid of the taste.' There was a pause, as a somewhat trivial question popped into Amon's head. 'Hang on, can ghouls drink coffee?'

Kaneki threw Amon a look, coughed into his hand, and pulled himself to his feet. 'You're right, I did want to get rid of the taste. Those noodles were like slippery worms and the spice tasted like I was eating stomach acid. The beef was like hot sewage sliding its way down my throat,' Kaneki said with a grimace. 'You don't know how long it took for me to get that good at stomaching it, but I guess I still need some practice.'

He spat sideways onto the ground and straightened up. 'How do I look?'

'Pale,' Amon answered honestly.

There was a pause, then Kaneki said, in a rather sad voice. 'I'm sorry that this happened. I know you only wanted to talk to me to get answers, and I know you're not happy having me so close to your friends.'

'You definitely shouldn't be here, and if it wasn't for the fact that I want answers from you then I would have revealed you as a ghoul on the spot,' Amon said stiffly, 'But that… that doesn't mean to say that I didn't enjoy your company.'

And when he thought about it, he actually really had enjoyed it. Kaneki had laughed and joked along with everyone else, listening well and asking questions, and when Shinohara had got onto the topic of a certain series of novels he was reading, Kaneki's eyes had lit up. The two had continued to talk animatedly across the table about books, while Suzuya buried his head in his food and Amon watched them silently. Kaneki seemed to have really hit it off with all of them, and Amon had had to tell himself more than once that this was a ghoul sat at the table with them, pretending to enjoy his food and talking casually about going to uni and reading books and being a normal human.

'We should go back inside,' Eyepatch said. His coat brushed past Amon's to get to the door, and as he passed, Amon reached out and grasped his wrist.

'Can we meet again?' Amon asked. He felt the tendons ripple in Eyepatch's slender forearm before the ghoul spoke.

'Yes. Where?'

'We could… go for a coffee or something?' Amon suggested.

'Actually,' Kaneki said with a smile, 'All I seem to do lately is drink coffee. It should be sunny tomorrow. How about going to Gyoen Park?'

'Oh… ok.'

'I can meet you at the gate near Shinjuku station, at 1, if you like?'

'I'll take a long lunch,' Amon said rather inanely, before following Kaneki back into the restaurant.

You don't know how many fanfics I've read where Kaneki and Amon meet in a café… so I thought I'd try something different haha.


	8. Gyoen Park

Amon arrived 5 minutes before 1pm the next day. The ghoul had guessed right, and sunshine was casting a pleasant glow on the trees that lined the pavement.

So far he'd been unable to shake off his subordinate. Akira crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot irritably.

'Amon, don't you want to go and get something to eat? Or do you expect me to get it for you?'

'No, Akira, I'm not hungry. Please excuse me, I'm going to have a walk and have an hour to myself.'

Akira frowned. 'You? You're going to take a calm and pleasant stroll and miss out on valuable time you could be working?'

'Look here, Akira, I started half an hour early today, and I have a few things in my head that I want to think through, alright? Is that a problem, Miss 'investigator of the year'?'

Akira raised her eyebrows. Amon didn't think either of them knew whether their constant squabbling was casual banter or genuine disagreement. Either way, she made some passing remark and, turning on her heels, left him to it.

Amon sat down on a bench beside Gyoen gate and leant his arms on his knees. It was mostly true, what he had said to her. He had an immense amount of things in his head that he wanted to sort out. He just needed to talk to Eyepatch to do that.

After the meal the night before, the four of them had parted their ways in merry spirits. Suzuya had called a long drawn out goodbye to Eyepatch, accompanied with a hug (Suzuya of course hadn't know what he was hugging), and Shinohara had said he very much hoped to see Eyepatch again. The ghoul had been most polite, and smiled with all apparent sincerity in that annoyingly cute way of his. Then he had walked away and melted into the crowd, his black hair instantly blending in with the passersby.

'Good afternoon, Amon-San. I'm glad you could make it,' said a familiar voice.

Amon, expecting the same person he had eaten dinner with last night, looked up to see a very different Kaneki standing before him. His wig was gone, and the pure white locks of his hair stood out like a rip in a photograph. His eyepatch had also been removed, and his slender form was dressed head to toe in black. It was an outfit incredibly similar to his ghoul costume, but now he looked a lot more like a rogue teen who had dyed his hair against his parent's wishes.

'Eyepatch,' Amon greeted gruffly. He stood up and fumbled in his pocket for some change to enter the park. 'I haven't got long but here, the walk's on me.'

Kaneki looked surprised, but held out his hand for the money. 'You didn't have to do that.'

'Well, from what I know of ghouls you aren't generally people of abundant means.'

Kaneki laughed quietly. 'Yeah, who am I kidding. I haven't got a five yen coin to pray with.'

They went through the gate, and walked down the gravelled path. Kaneki was picking at threads in his clothes again.

'Amon, before we talk about anything else, I have to say thank you for last night, for not revealing me to your friends. And despite what you may think, I had a really nice time. It was all so… so normal.' He said it almost wistfully, staring at the ground.

'Normal?' Amon said. 'You had to excuse yourself to throw up, Eyepatch. That isn't normal.'

'Well, it's as close as I'm going to get, isn't it?' Kaneki said, ignoring Amon's antagonistic tone.

The two lapsed into silence, as they turned down a smaller side path.

'So, Amon, I thought you had a lot of questions to ask.'

'I do,' Amon said, frowning at the ground.

They stopped by a small building that looked like it belonged to some kind of caretaker, beside which a family, two parents and a child, were sat having a picnic on the grass.

'I've been thinking over some of the things you said, Kaneki, when we were down in the tunnel. In fact, I've ran the conversations over again and again in my head, trying to make sense of everything.'

Kaneki opened his mouth to say something, but Amon held up a hand.

'Just listen for a moment. You said a lot of crazy shit, Kaneki, but two things really didn't make sense. You said you knew what it was like to be afraid of ghouls, and also be one of them, yes? So what, you were scared of them because you were a ghoul outcast for a quarter of a century or something, before you came out into the open? And…'

'I'm nineteen.'

'I… what?'

'I'm nineteen. I thought you said you read reports on me, Amon-San?' Kaneki asked innocently.

'I… I did, I just forgot I suppose.' Amon looked Kaneki up and down. Sure, he looked pretty young, but Jesus, nineteen? Amon was twenty six, a whole seven years older. Did that matter?

Amon blinked in shock at his own thought. Did that matter for what?!

'Well, look, forget about that!' Amon said. 'You also said something about eating hamburgers. You talked about them being delicious, but then I saw you throwing up those beef noodles last night. Why would you use that as an example if you find them disgusting?'

Kaneki opened his mouth, then closed it again. Amon wanted to shake him to make him hurry up and say something, but instead he waited, his fists clenched.

'Unless…' And Amon felt a sickening feeling in his stomach. 'Did you mean burgers made from HUMANS?'

'Shhh!' Kaneki said, glancing at the nearby family. He gestured for Amon to follow him as he walked around the side of the building, out of site from anyone. 'Of course I didn't mean human burgers! That's…'

'Then what _did_ you mean?'

Kaneki ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 'I'm… I'm wary to tell you, Amon. It would probably make you see me in a better light, maybe even make you see me as one of you, but... then my friends would be dismissed as nothing more than ghouls, when they _do_ hurt and they _do_ feel…'

Amon stared at the ghoul, right in the eyes; both of them, which itself felt odd. Eyepatch's eyes were a deep grey and wide open, watching Amon.

'So, you're not going to give me any answers at all then?' Amon said, the bubbling anger within him getting ready to boil over.

'No, Amon, I just don't know how to tell you…'

'Ughhh! Don't try and weasel your way out of it, Eyepatch. More and more I keep asking myself why the hell you're still walking around.'

Eyepatch's expression didn't change, but his body went tense.

'Amon, you mean…'

'I'm an investigator for crying out loud, and you're a friggin _ghoul_. And not just any old ghoul either, but an SS ranked ghoul, who seems to be more than a little messed up in the head.'

'What… what makes you think that…?' Kaneki asked quietly.

'Do you not remember that we were trapped together under all of that rubble?' Amon for a moment heard a crunch of gravel from behind the small building, but he paid it no heed. 'Don't you remember freaking out like you did? You were a level of insane that I didn't even know existed, screaming with imaginary pain and counting backwards randomly.'

Kaneki was very still. 'I don't remember doing any of that.'

'My point exactly!' said Amon, shouting again. 'You knocked me to the ground and muttered a stream of nonsense into my ear, then had a fit and passed out. With this friendly demeanour of yours, like how you were at dinner last night, I forgot how friggin _mental_ you are.'

Amon didn't know why he was talking like this, but he couldn't deny that this was how he felt. Maybe it was seeing Eyepatch in a ghoul-style getup again, instead of his human disguise? Maybe it was just because he was so confused? He found the person before him incredibly intriguing, and he sometimes felt this strange tingling feeling throughout his whole body whenever Eyepatch was near. But at the same time, the thing in front of him ate _people_.

'I haven't… I haven't always been like that,' Eyepatch said, shifting from one foot to the other. 'And I thought… I mean, we talked a lot when we were stuck in there. We're not just a ghoul and an investigator anymore. There is something deeper between us now, and you must know me well enough to believe that I don't want to hurt people.'

'You're a frigging oddball, Kaneki Ken. I believe that's what you think, but part of me thinks you're lying to yourself. Perhaps there is a part of you that doesn't like hurting humans, but…'

'There is _no_ part of me that likes hurting humans…'

'But there's still a part if you that likes _eating_ us…'

'Not really…'

It was then that Amon snapped. It was something about the words that sounded so close to a lie, coming out of a creature that he despised to the pits of hell. With a roar that seemed to reverberate through his whole body, he grabbed Eyepatch by the neck and slammed him up against the wall behind him. He was doing that a lot lately.

'YOU. ARE. A. GHOUL,' Amon shouted in a whisper, hoping his voice wouldn't carry to the family nearby. 'No freak-show oddity like you is going to erase the years of experience I have dealing with your kind. You're all monsters, and the sooner you realise that the better for all of us.'

'I don't understand you!' Kaneki shouted. 'Why are you so determined to see the bad!? Ghouls just want to be normal… to be like you! Have a normal life and not have to constantly feel guilty about their own existence. I'm sick of being the freak-show, and I'm sick of living in the shadows, and you can help me with that! I admire you, Amon-San. I'd go so far as to call you my friend, and if it wasn't for all this... animosity between us… you might feel the same way about me.'

Amon felt hatred bubble in him as Eyepatch's words sank in. Friends? An investigator and a ghoul? Heaven would melt before that ever happened.

'Are you two… having a fight?'

The soft words interrupted the hostile conversation like a killer whale being chucked into a bubble bath. Both Amon and Kaneki looked down to see the child from the family picnic. Small, skinny, and no older than six, he stared up at them inquiringly with big round eyes.

Amon retracted his hand immediately and took a step back from Kaneki. The latter turned into the wall slightly and looked obviously pained, but he smiled down at the young boy.

'It's not a real fight, don't worry. We were just practicing.'

'Practicing?'

'Yes,' Eyepatch said. 'We need to be strong so we can fight off the bad guys.'

The boy looked at Kaneki for a long moment, down at a Frisbee that had landed beside the ghoul, and then back up again with a scrunched up look on his face.

'My mummy told me not to fight in the playground. She said it's not nice when people get hurt.'

'No, no, that's true,' Eyepatch said, nodding. 'Your mummy is right. Me and Amon here are only making sure we're strong, just in case a baddie tries to hurt someone and we have to protect them.'

'Oh,' said the boy, nodding with solemn understanding. 'It's for just in case.'

'Is this yours?' Eyepatch asked, pointing at the Frisbee.

The boy nodded, and kneeling on the ground, Eyepatch picked it up and held it out to him. The ghoul was behaving the same way he always did: well-mannered and friendly.

'There you go,' Eyepatch said with a smile, which the boy returned brightly, before turning around in the direction of his family.

'You damned ghoul…' Amon cursed, as he watched the boy trot off around the corner.

As soon as the small figure had disappeared, Kaneki immediately seemed to deflate. He sank down onto the gravel and clasped his hands to his nose and mouth.

'The smell of… that boy… I hate it. It's sick.'

Amon looked down at the ghoul in disgust. 'You mean… that… that's twisted! You're... you're just like the rest of them.'

'…I'm so fucked up…'

Amon just stood there, looking down at him.

'I _am_ twisted… a centipede… ate my mind. It grew back… but it's all wrong…'

Amon felt his nostrils flare. 'This is exactly what I was talking about, Eyepatch. You're doing it again.'

'If I just... count back… from 1000…'

'You're a complete nutter.'

Amon didn't know where this cold-heartedness was coming from, but he had to make the separation clear in his mind, as it always had been. Humans were allowed to have feelings and be upset. Kaneki wasn't human.

'I'm sorry...'

'You're sorry, huh?'

'...I'll do anything. Not in my ear, please!' Kaneki whispered in obvious desperation, and to Amon's utter disbelief he put his forehead down on the gravel and started counting. '1000… 993... 986… 979…'

'Stop it… stop it!' Amon said, and before he could think his leg had shot out and kicked Kaneki in the stomach. The ghoul keeled over sideways, then just lay there on the ground looking up at him, his white heir splayed around his face. Wherever he had been before, it looked like now he was back.

'Are you going to hand me over to the CCG?'

Amon paused for a moment, thinking. 'I... god-damn it! I should, but…' He sighed. 'I still need answers from you, Eyepatch, and if I were to turn you in then the CCG would find out everything along with me.'

A strange expression came to sit on Kaneki's face; something like a curious smirk. 'What don't you want the CCG to find out?'

'Well, I don't know, do I? You haven't told me yet. I'd rather have the initial control over that information.'

It wasn't strictly true. He did want to be the one in control of the information, but another part of him didn't want to lose control of _Kaneki_.

'What if I refuse to tell you anything?'

'If you don't answer my questions, or you runaway, then I'll be forced to tell the CCG exactly who you are and exactly what you look like.'

'But what about the threat I pose? Are you just going to let me walk off now?'

'It's not exactly an ideal situation, but it's the way it has to be for the moment.'

'Well, Amon, I suppose I should be thanking you,' he said, with a note of irony.

'There is no need,' Amon said coldly. 'Do you have a phone?'

Kaneki nodded, taking it out of his pocket. Amon grabbed it, and exchanged their numbers.

* * *

From her position behind the caretaker's building, Akira watched quietly as her partner Amon chucked the phone onto the ghoul's chest, turned abruptly on his heal, and left the ghoul lying in the dirt.

* * *

 _So I think I have an idea of where I want to take this... down the old road of love-hate relationships ay ay ;). I'm taking it slow and steady because I want to make sure it's all believable and makes sense, if ya get me. Hopefully I'm achieving this haha._

 _Thank you to you guys again for your reviews! You leave me such detailed feedback and it's so nice knowing you are enjoying the story._


	9. Passive Observer

The ghoul continued to lie there, his gaze directed at the softly swaying branches of the trees above him.

He was muttering something once more. Akira couldn't quite make it all out from the place she was standing, but it sounded a lot like numbers again.

Akira had been right to follow Amon. When the young man with the eyepatch had come into the CCG yesterday wanting to see Amon, and deceptively called himself Nagachika Hideyoshi, she had been on the alert for any peculiar activity. She had followed her instincts, and tailed Amon, watching him meet with a white haired boy whom she had quickly realised was the Nagachika imposter. Why the man had used Nagachika's name she was as yet unsure, but after hiding by the side of the building and listening in, she had realised there were a lot more pressing questions.

At best she had been expecting some kind of dodgy deal (illegal steroids were her best bet - she couldn't quite believe that Amon had that physique naturally), and at worst some kind of teenage prostitution situation.

The reality was something incredibly worse.

The white haired boy was a ghoul, and Amon was completely in the know about it. The boy was the SS ranked ghoul Centipede, who had been stuck with Amon under the collapsed building, who was also the missing student Kaneki Ken. Akira felt like she was being struck again and again with fists of information. Then she had watched Amon throwing his fists at the young man, and now she was standing here in the park on a sunny day, with an apparently psychotic ghoul lying on the ground not ten feet away.

'Are you practicing again?'

Akira felt her eyes widen. The little boy was back, clutching his Frisbee and leaning over the ghoul.

The ghoul, or Eyepatch, as Amon called him, had apparently had his eyes shut, and flinched slightly when he saw the boy.

This wasn't good. Akira didn't have any kind of weapon on her, let alone a quinque. The boy and the ghoul were out of sight of everybody, and she had just heard the ghoul admit he found the boy's scent appetising. One slash of the ghoul's kagune and the boy would be dead. She internally cursed Amon Koutarou. He was an irresponsible imbecile, to leave a ghoul alive and out in the open like that.

Akira honed back in on the conversation the two were having.

'Yes, but now I'm practicing sleeping.'

'Are you upset?'

Akira inhaled a sharp breath as the boy knelt down and traced a hand over the ghoul's cheek.

The ghoul lightly batted the boy's hand away, wiped his own cheeks, then twisted around to lean on his elbow.

'Go and play. I'm not upset, I'm just very tired. You should really leave me on my own.'

'Is that because you're a ghoul?'

Eyepatch's head shot up, and he stared at the boy through his white strands of hair.

Akira's heart plummeted. If the boy was not just food, but also a threat to the ghoul, it was only a matter of moments before…

'That tall man called you a ghoul. My mummy told me ghouls are… are bad guys, like robbers and criminals, but _you_ said you were practicing fighting to chase the bad guys _away_...?'

Eyepatch pushed himself up until he was kneeling on the ground.

'If I were to tell you that I were a ghoul, it would have to be a very top, _top_ secret, between you and me, ok?'

The boy nodded slowly, then knocked his head to one side. What is a ghoul?'

'Ghouls are… er…' Eyepatch scratched his ear and smiled awkwardly. 'Ghouls can be very dangerous sometimes. Lots of people are scared of them, so if you ever see one it's probably best to stay very far away. You don't have to be scared of me though. I'm not… I'm not one of the baddies.'

The boy nodded. 'I like your hair,' he said, with a shy grin on his face.

Eyepatch laughed then, and Akira didn't know what to do with herself. She had never been shocked more in just one afternoon.

'Can I become a ghoul when I grow up?'

'Oh,' Eyepatch said, and his laughter halted. 'I'm afraid not, no. Most ghouls… already have the job at your age.'

'Could they be in my class at school?'

'Maybe…' Eyepatch said after some thought. 'It's a very secret job though, so even if you asked somebody if they were a ghoul, they still wouldn't admit it. It's a secret for me too, so you have to promise not to tell anyone, ok? Otherwise I'll get into a lot of trouble.'

'I promise I won't tell anyone.'

'Thanks.'

'Do all ghouls have white hair?'

Eyepatch laughed again, more softly this time. 'No, that's just me. Otherwise we wouldn't be able to stay secret, would we?' and he stood up and ruffled the boy's own black locks.

'My name's Aiko, what's yours?'

'Kaneki.'

'Do you want to play Frisbee with me?'

Kaneki shook his head and smiled. 'Come on, we're all on our own here. Let's go back around to your parents.'

Kaneki brushed the dirt off his black trousers, after which Aiko caught one of the ghoul's hands with his own.

'Remember,' Kaneki said, putting a finger to his lips. 'Shhh about me being a ghoul. If your parents or anyone else were to find out, I'd have to run away.'

The boy nodded, then pulled the ghoul around the side of the building.

Akira crept around, following them. Still behind the building she watched as the boy led the SS rank, mentally unhinged ghoul to meet his parents.

They were too far away for Akira to hear their conversation. She saw the parents look Kaneki up and down rather disapprovingly at first, but after talking altogether for a bit they were smiling warmly at him. Before long Eyepatch had been persuaded to play Frisbee with Aiko and his father, whilst the mother watched from the picnic rug.

This was odd for Akira. Very odd. It was like she was watching a ferocious lion at the zoo playing with a teddy bear. Eyepatch had easily won the parent's confidence with his pleasant manner. They no doubt just dismissed his rather odd appearance as a reflection of youth culture, and we're quite content to have him play with their son.

Eyepatch looked happy too. He was silly with the young boy, but ran over with fear in his eyes when Aiko nearly ran into a tree. Aiko laughed manically whenever the ghoul did spectacular dives as he lunged for the boy's haphazard throwing. The Frisbee subsequently got caught in one of the tree branches, and the young boy watched in awe as Eyepatch hoisted himself up into the tall branches to fetch it down.

It was when Akira saw Eyepatch say something to the family, give them a bow and wish them a pleasant remainder of the afternoon, that Akira realised for how long she had been stood there simply watching them.

Aiko gave Eyepatch a wave, which he returned as he took off towards the main path.

Akira didn't know what to to.

Protocol stated that any identified ghoul must be immediately eliminated or detained, but she was letting this SS rank wander off into the warm afternoon.

She had to come to a decision, and she had to do it quickly.


	10. Lying in the Dark

Kaneki felt odd. He wasn't in any way injured by what had happened with Amon in the park, but he felt incredibly deflated and cold, like he was immersed in a deep tank of opaque jelly. He couldn't see properly. He couldn't hear properly. He couldn't seem to feel or breath or think.

Kaneki had hurried home quickly after being in Gyoen Park. He opened the latch softly and slipped into the quiet house.

He had definitely stayed in worse. It was boarded up and disused, with only a few patches of mould in one corner of the hallway. Since escaping from Kanou's lab, Kaneki had ran away, found this place, and had been staying here all alone ever since.

He wanted to keep it that way, at least for now. Part of him wanted to speak to Banjo-San and Hinami-chan and even Tsukiyama, but not right now. Now he just wanted to not exist, and failing that be on his own.

 _'On your own?'_ said a flirtatious voice from the shadows. A shiny head of purple hair emerged and Rize's eyes looked at him with unfiltered amusement. _'Darling Kaneki, you can't mean that.'_

Kaneki didn't speak. He grabbed his disguise coat that he'd left by the door and put it on to protect against the cold of the house. He had left a pack of matches balanced on the radiator the previous night. He picked them up and began to light the candles in the living room. It was the only room that he really used. The house was a comfortable size, and Kaneki knew he should have chosen one of the bedrooms to sleep in, but he for some reason felt safer curled up under blankets on the sofa. The kitchen didn't have any of the amenities you'd associate with one, barring a fresh water supply, and being a ghoul he didn't need cooking appliances. It didn't have a freezer, or any electricity at all, which was a long-term problem, but Kaneki didn't have any meat he needed to store anyway. He hadn't even eaten since being trapped with Amon, and he knew it was taking its toll on his body. He felt very tired all the time, but he had a feeling a lot of that was down to his emotional and mental state rather than any wounds inflicted on his body.

He finished lighting the candles and put the matches back in their place. It was not even four o'clock in the afternoon, but he felt a bodily tiredness consume him, and suddenly wanted nothing more than to bury down on the sofa under the covers. He did just that, and Rize sat down by his feet and began stroking his legs lovingly over the blanket.

 _'That investigator, he knows_ everything _doesn't he? You've really opened up to him.'_

'Not everything,' Kaneki said, watching the candle flame nearest to him hovering above its wax. 'He doesn't know I used to be human.'

 _'What does that matter?'_

A rumble came from Kaneki's stomach, making his torso yet again feel like it was imploding. He clutched a hand to it and tried to push the sensation out of existence.

'It's important.'

Rize sighed and flicked her hair away from her face. _'Kaneki-chan, our planet used to be nothing more than dust molecules floating about in space, but then they melded together and became the Earth.'_

Kaneki raised his head and looked at her. 'So you're equating a human becoming a ghoul with dust becoming a planet.'

 _'Hummm,_ ' she said with a sly grin. _'I suppose the metaphor doesn't really do it justice, does it?'_

Kaneki slumped back down on the sofa cushion. He couldn't be bothered with her tricks tonight.

 _'All kinds of creatures have evolved to live on Earth,_ ' Rize continued, _'But do you think, if the Earth reverted back to dust particles, that those creatures would continue to call it their home?'_

Kaneki shifted and looked down at the floor, but Rize swooped down to kneel beside him, and cupped his chin in her hand.

 _'If you went back to being human, Kaneki-_ chan _, then you would lose everything you've gained since. The powerful creatures that have grown within you would_ recognise _you no_ more, _because what you_ were has _no relevance to what you are today.'_

'And what am I today?!' Kaneki asked, sitting up properly this time and pulling away from her. 'What creatures do I have? The phantom of a ghoul who won't leave me alone and who's organs are nestled within me. A centipede that scuttles into my ear every night, and a beast that has a burning need to rip the throat out of every human I see and guzzle on their flesh.'

 _'What you are today,_ Kaneki, _is beautiful.'_

'When you spend your life sitting in the dark then aesthetics hold no importance.'

Rize exhaled indignantly and stood up. _'You are useless. I don't know why I even bother to try and cheer you up.'_

'Cheer me up? You're just filling my head with your twisted thoughts of superiority.'

 _'I'm leaving you to it then, Kaneki-chan. Who knows, tonight the phantom of Yamori might come knocking, and I wouldn't want to get in the way of that.'_

* * *

Kaneki woke in the middle of the night, covered in goose bumps.

So often were his dreams filled with the shadow of Yamori falling across him. So often did a set of cold metal pliers transfigure his toes into bleeding stumps, but this night, there was no one there at all. Not a shadow or a sound. Nothing close to Hide's friendly smile, and not even Rize's mocking laughter in the dark.

There was nothing. Even the flickering candles had burnt to the ground or been blown out by a draft of wind.

Kaneki was alone.

In his dreams he had shouted and hit out and thrashed and cried. He had released his kagune, but when he had tried to move the limbs before his face they had just dissolved into the black. He had been surrounded by darkness that stole his sight and his feeling, and upon waking he wished more than anything that there was someone there who could hug him or hold his hand or just touch him, just so he could be sure of his own existence.

And, he thought bitterly, the last adult who had properly touched him had been Amon, when he kicked Kaneki into the ground.

It was Yamori all over again. Kaneki was being naive and idiotic, trusting this person and then being constantly met with unjustified violence and hate.

Or… was it unjustified? Did he deserve it? With Yamori it had been mindless and sadistic, he had done it purely for his own amusement, playing with Kaneki like he was his very own personal toy…

Kaneki jumped up from the sofa, grabbed the matches from the radiator, and began hurriedly lighting the candles again.

He slumped back onto the sofa and tried to calm himself down. He wasn't there anymore. He had escaped. He had left Yamori for dead! He had beaten him.

Physically perhaps, said a small voice in his mind. But he's still stuck in your head. You haven't vanquished him completely.

It was true. And now he was letting Amon treat him the exact same way.

But, a part of Kaneki, the part that was still mild and kind-hearted, couldn't help but think that this was an unmissable opportuniy. Yes, Amon disliked him, but he was a chance. A chance for Kaneki to show a human, a member of the CCG, than he wasn't evil. Amon kept meeting up with him, he had even taken Kaneki's phone number. He wanted to understand.

Another rumble in his stomach interrupted Kaneki's thoughts. He was so hungry. He felt his eyes close with exhaustion, as he hoped to leave one nightmare for another.

* * *

 _Hope you're all still enjoying and thanks for the reviews! They honestly mean so much to me :) And there should be plenty more to come... I keep going back and forth between writing bits, rather than just writing it from start to finish, so I have to make sure everything makes sense and that I've filled in all the gaps before I can post chapters... if ya get me haha._


	11. Cornered

After Amon had left the ghoul lying there in Gyoen Park, he had hurried back to the CCG, his mind running with excuses to say to Akira when he got there. Upon his arrival at their shared office he had even called a greeting to the stack of papers and reports sitting on her desk, before he realised that his colleague wasn't sat behind them. Somewhat relieved, he had immediately began tackling his own stack of work, trying to ignore the thoughts churning up in his mind.

He was a terrible investigator, he now knew that for sure. As the hours of the afternoon ticked by his thoughts twisted more and more around themselves, and he longed for the time when he had been on the good side, fighting against the dark and diabolical ghouls. He longed for that clarity.

Just one question kept circling his mind. Should he hand Eyepatch over?

He could definitely live without him, and what did he care if Kaneki rotted in Cochlea? Eyepatch was just a dark smudge on Amon's slate. He should, and would, change nothing.

The afternoon was dragging on when the office door snapped obtrusively open. Akira was still limping slightly, but that didn't stop her quick march across the room, before she sat down and began clicking quickly on her computer.

'Where have you been?' Amon asked curtly.

'Chasing a lead,' Akira said, her fingers going mad on the keyboard. 'I went immediately after lunch.'

'Any joy?'

'None.'

'Shame.'

Akira ceased with her clicking, and turning her head gave Amon a long and very blank look. God, she was weird.

'Is your lover coming in again today?'

Amon flinched. 'Lover…?'

'That charming young man with the eyepatch,' Akira said, as something shifted in her expression.

If it was supposed to be a joke, Amon was not amused. 'He is not my lover!'

'Newly-appointed Second Class Investigator Suzuya said otherwise,' Akira said, without missing a beat.

'Suzuya? How can you believe what he says?! Most of the time he's on a different planet.'

'A planet where you get saucy with a teenager?'

Amon clenched his fists under the desk. 'Shut up, Akira. I barely know the guy.'

'Then what is your connection with him?' she said, with what she must have thought was a casual, innocent tone.

'I… I…' Amon stuttered. 'Alright! I suppose he's my friend. We've… been through a lot together.'

'Interesting.'

Amon shot her a look of deepest loathing.

Apparently unfazed by this, she continued. 'Well, if you were to have a male lover, that young man would be more than suitable. He has a rather pleasing appearance.'

Amon felt a blush come over him. 'Well… yes, I suppose, as looks go he's quite… but I am not in anyway attracted to… bloody hell! _You_ make him your lover if he's so bloody pretty!'

'What is his number?'

Amon blinked. 'What?'

'I find that to be very sound advice, Koutarou. What is his number?'

She had the weirdest look on her face.

'I… I don't actually have it.'

'I see,' she said. 'Convenient.'

Akira turned back to her computer and began typing briskly

The conversation was over.

* * *

Akira had more than suspected it before, but now it was confirmed; Amon Koutarou was not to be trusted.

That did not, however, negate the surprise she felt at this affirmation. She had always seen Amon as a straight-laced, law-abiding, strong, and determined investigator. It was unbelievable that now that same man was protecting a ghoul.

Akira congratulated herself inwardly on her own strength and dedication as an investigator. She had watched Eyepatch bid farewell to the family in the park with her mind split into two. One side had said chase, confront, and eliminate the ghoul, as protocol dictated, and the other had said let him off. After all, she had been weaponless, and could not deny she felt a tad sorry for the young man.

But as she had been watching the ghoul walk away she had realised that she could still pursue the ghoul and determine his place of residence, leaving his capture for later.

Thus, she had followed him through winding streets and back alleys, before ending up in front of an unlocked, boarded up house. Sneaking up to the front window she had peeked in through a gap in the boards. The interior had been dark, but for a few flickering candles, that had illuminated a body lying on the sofa. Even in the dim light Akira had spotted the white hair of Eyepatch. He had been conversing with someone, in the next room or in the hall. Wary that she had discovered an entire hoard of ghouls Akira had retreated to the CCG, where she could process what she had learnt and formulate a plan of action.

Whatever Amon's motives were for letting the ghoul go, Akira knew that a ghoul at loose in Tokyo could never be a good thing. Kaneki Ken could answer just as many questions in a cell in Cochlea as he could pinned under Amon's fists in the park.

But she was going to tread very carefully.

Clicking away on her computer she quickly found the ghoul's address and printed off a birds-eye view of the house. Then, standing up and leaving Amon to his brooding, Akira went in search of Shinohara and his subordinate.

She found them talking to Takizawa in the hall, who jumped when he saw her and adjusted his tie.

'Shinohara, Suzuya,' Akira said, nodding in greeting. 'If you're not doing anything, I need your help with a raid.'

* * *

The two vans pulled up quietly by the side of the road. Night had set in, and the headlights felt like spot lights in the dark that would send all who saw them running for cover. But the investigators were moving quietly. As Akira had informed them, this operation had to be completed with ultimate stealth.

Despite herself, Akira's stomach had felt like a butterfly in a blender throughout the couple of hours it had taken to brief the investigators and plan their movements. She was certain it was not because of the threat of the ghoul, but because of her fear that Amon would discover what they were up to. She had managed to involve as many investigators as possible, without notifying Marude, who was in charge of the major ghoul operations. He would have called every investigator to draw arms if he had found out that their target was the SS rank Eyepatch and Akira couldn't risk Amon becoming involved. Yes, he was betraying both his work, his country, and his species by hiding information on a ghoul, but she didn't want to denounce him to everyone until she'd heard his side of the story.

The ghoul had to be taken though, said a voice in her head that sounded strangely like her father's. There was no denying Eyepatch's threat.

'And you really don't want to ask Amon-San for help?' Shinohara said, as he jumped out of the transportation van. The first van of half a dozen investigators was to tackle the front of the house, the second were to position themselves around the back, in order to cut off the escape of the ghouls, however many there were inside.

'It's the right decision,' Akira said firmly. 'He seemed very agitated and stressed, and I'm sure he can forgive us for denying him one raid once in a while.'

Shinohara looked thoughtful, but didn't argue the subject. Suzuya jumped out of the van himself, hoisting his quinque readily.

'Lead the way, Akira-San!'

'Akira is going to have a background role in this operation,' Shinohara said firmly. 'She is still injured, after all.'

Akira couldn't fault his logic. She still couldn't walk properly with her injured ankle, and she would have been much more of a hinderance than a help.

Takizawa came around from the other side of the van, quinque also in hand. 'That's a shame, Mado. You won't get to prove your worth this time.'

Akira raised an eyebrow. 'I, unlike some people, do not have anything to prove.'

Takizawa scowled, his clutch on his briefcase tightening. 'And what exactly is that supposed to mean?'

'Now, now, you two,' Shinohara said, chuckling somewhat awkwardly. 'Let's focus on the task at hand.' He reached for his radio and held it to his mouth. 'What's your status at the back of the house? Over.'

A crackling sounded before a voice replied. 'Ready and positioned out of sight. Over.'

Shinohara nodded, and signalled for his investigators to move into position themselves, as close as they could to the house without being in sight. 'Commencing operation. Wait there for our signal before moving in. If the targets are spotted trying to escape your side, move in. Reminder, we are looking to apprehend rather than eliminate, but it is understood that circumstance might dictate results. Over.'

'Roger that. Over and out.'

Shinohara clipped his walkie talkie on to his belt with a grim expression on his face. 'Let's do this.'

* * *

In his mind Kaneki was walking through Shibuya shopping district. The shop lights and fluorescent signs shone in dazzling contrast against the starless sky. Everywhere was the buzz of chatting friends and tipsy work colleagues, but there was a loud voice making them all inaudible. It was then that Kaneki realised that the voice was in fact his own, and he was shouting loudly as he walked quickly through the streets. The words he spoke weren't Japanese, or any language that he could recognise. He was scaring even himself, as alien like hisses and snarls erupted from his mouth. People left and right were scurrying away from him. They were running, screaming, and his fingers and toes were falling off one by one. He was crying out in the freakish language for someone to help, but no one cared. No one understood. A centipede as large as a bus was scuttling towards him, munching on the people that it passed, its footsteps knocking heavily on the concrete road…

Kaneki was woken abruptly from a feverish sleep by a sharp rapping at the door. He blinked, rubbing one of his eyes and trying to remember where he was. The time must have been nearing the early hours of the morning, and he was surprised that anyone would come to call at this time of night.

Then he was surprised that anyone would come to call at an empty, abandoned house.

' _Kaneki…'_

The silence following the knock was cut by Rize calling his name, but it was the fearful tone in her voice that really made Kaneki wake up.

He scrambled up off the sofa and crept towards the door. Rize was standing, her arms across her chest, as she looked through a gap in the window.

'Get down, you idiot!' Kaneki whispered, to which she laughed loudly and sarcastically. Her face, however, showed worry.

'Who is it?' Kaneki asked quietly.

 _'Look for yourself and find out,'_ she said.

Kaneki placed his fingers lightly on the door and placed his eye to the spy hole.

Another loud rapping came from outside, and Kaneki jumped back in alarm.

 _'Well?_ ' Rize hissed.

'It's the CCG.'

Shock and absolute fear raced through him. How… _how_ had they known where he was? There they stood, each with a brief case in hand. And it wasn't just any CCG members. Non other than Shinohara and Suzuya Juuzou were standing on the front step.

'Is anyone home?' said Shinohara in his booming voice. 'We're investigators, and we'd like to ask you a few questions.'

' _How many of them are out there?'_ Rize asked, whispering now.

'Just two, but I think the others are hiding. From what I can smell there are definitely more humans close by.'

 _'Why aren't they just storming in?'_

'They'll want to affirm who I am before they attack. There would be no reason for me to know they're CCG investigators if I hadn't had lunch with them yesterday.'

Kaneki wanted to laugh at that statement. And Amon had been worried about _Kaneki_ trying to kill _them_.

 _'Oh wow, so your stupidity at the CCG actually paid off?'_

'Hellooooooo,' came Suzuya's voice, and a lighter rapping came at the door.

Kaneki shook himself, then turning around he searched desperately for his mask. Spotting in on the radiator he grabbed it and clipped it into place, then ran as quietly as he could out of the living room and into the kitchen. He kept himself low as he approached the back door, but already he could smell it; there were investigators waiting outside the back. They had covered all their bases.

Kaneki heard another tapping at the front door, and rushed back into the living room where Rize was still standing looking anxious. Despite everything, Kaneki couldn't help thinking that the expression really didn't suit her.

'If you don't let us in,' said the younger investigator, 'then we might have to bash down the door,' and he laughed manically.

'Juuzou, sh!' Kaneki heard Shinohara say in a whisper. 'But, you're right.' Then louder he called out, 'Unit one, approach the house.'

Then there was the sound of many footsteps on the road outside, and Kaneki watched in the dim light as the door handle turned.

'Shit!' Kaneki exclaimed without thinking. He had forgotten. To get into the house in the first place Kaneki had had to break the latch. The door wasn't even locked.

'Did you hear that?' Kaneki heard Suzuya say. The door handle turned until it clicked, signifying it was open.

There was a pause, quieter than the dead.

Then a crackling sounded and Shinohara saying loudly. 'All units, we're going in!'

The door burst open just as Kaneki heard a bashing against the back door. That one at least had been locked.

In the blink of an eye Shinohara and Suzuya were standing before him, and with a flick of Suzuya's wrist the flash of a steel blade came flying at Kaneki's face. He hadn't even realised he had released his kagune before a red limb came up and stopped the blade from piercing his eye.

But as it stabbed into his kagune, Kaneki felt a wave of dizziness hit him, and he wobbled into the wall beside him.

He was not ready for this. He had no choice but to fight, but his body was the weakest it had been in a long time, and he had absolutely no energy.

Shinohara moved forward and made a lunge at Kaneki, forcing him backwards into the kitchen. Kaneki, aiming to rip the weapon out of the investigator's hands, sent his kagune shooting forward, but Suzuya had ducked around the large investigator, and swinging his scythe he hit Kaneki's red limbs full on, cutting one in two and wedging into another.

A smashing came from behind him. The other investigators were in.

Kaneki knew he had to think fast. He was not strong enough to beat them physically. He had to somehow get away.

Pulling the rest of his kagune together, Kaneki lifted them high into the air, aiming for Shinohara's head. The investigator raised his arms, ready to meet them, but at the last moment Kaneki let them dissolve into nothing.

Having thrown all his weight forward, Shinohara stumbled. Kaneki ducked down quickly and ran under the investigator's outstretched arm. Five or six more of the CCG were stuck behind Shinohara, but the hallway was narrow, and there were none blocking the stairs to the next floor. Kaneki scrambled upwards as shouting came from behind him.

Then a stabbing pain came from his right calve. He span around partially to see Suzuya, his eyes mad, holding a knife that was embedded in the top of Kaneki's muscle.

'Get… off…' Kaneki said through gritted teeth, but the white haired boy held on fast, as another investigator made a jab at Kaneki's head.

Kaneki jumped upwards out of the way of the blow, and did the only thing he could to free himself. He pulled with all his might, his head spinning as he did so. A squelching rip filled Kaneki's ears as the blade that was so deep in his leg was pulled out, leaving a gash lengthways that was so deep his leg was almost cut in half.

Blood was spilling from the wound, and the investigators below were crying in disgust as they were sprayed with the red flowing fluid. Only Suzuya seemed to still be enjoying himself, the white of his eyes glowing magnificently.

A dark figure made another lunge at Kaneki, but the ghoul kicked out with his uninjured leg and as the investigator cried in pain Kaneki clawed his way up the stairs, leaving the humans to bathe in his puddles of blood.

* * *

 _Ooooo… what will happen next? (Btw sorry, writing action scenes isn't really my forte haha.)_

 _You know, I was kind of unsure myself if I wanted to see Amon and Kaneki have a lover-type relationship. That's not normally how I imagine it, but I feel that might be where this story is heading. I've been reading about the similarities between love and hate. Apparently they originate in the same part of the brain, but the parts of the brain that control reasoning and judgement become more deactivated with love when compared to hate. And I think in this fic Amon and Kaneki abandoned reason and judgement a long time ago haha._


	12. Rooftop

Amon was racing. He was running as fast as he could, jumping over walls and knocking into passers-by. Every breath in his body seemed to hitch in his lungs, and his brain felt like it was made of a thousand metallic cogs spinning at the speed of light.

How had it happened? How had they found him? _Who_ had found him? Were they attacking right now? Did they want to kill him?

 _Was Kaneki already dead?_

Amon was well aware that it could already be too late. He wanted to kick himself. How long had he been sitting at his desk, casually getting through paperwork, and all the while the investigators were moving in? Amon should have known something was wrong, when the offices had been quieter than usual, and neither Shinohara nor Takizawa had popped in to say goodnight or invite him out to dinner.

Amon had been so focused on clearing his mind of every thought other than the work in front of him, that he hadn't even questioned Akira's absence until he was getting ready to leave.

It had been the receptionist who had told him that a lot of investigators were on a raid, and when he had heard the name Eyepatch fear had hit him faster than a bullet train in a hurry.

Now he was racing through the illuminated streets of Tokyo, the cab he had taken stuck in traffic half a mile behind him.

Following the GPS on his phone, Amon knew he was seconds away, and sure enough, as he turned into the next road he saw the vans of the CCG, and on the street corner a petite woman with short blonde hair.

'Akira… Akira…!' he panted, and almost ran into her as he pulled himself to a stop.

Akira eyes were wide when she realised who he was. 'Amon! You're here!'

'Why didn't you… what's going… how did you…' Amon said, still breathing heavily.

Her expression became neutral as she looked at him. 'I'm sorry Amon, but today at lunch… I followed you. I heard everything.'

Amon opened his mouth in outrage, but Akira held up her hand.

'Listen, Amon,' and her face was fierce as she looked at him. 'I told them about Eyepatch, but I haven't mentioned your involvement at all. I trusted that you would have some explanation.'

Amon could feel anger and desperation solidifying in his bones as he listened to her. 'So you trusted me enough not to dob me in, but not enough to wait until I could explain about Eyepatch?'

'No explanation is needed, Amon. Eyepatch needs to be taken off the streets.'

'Akira, you don't understand. He's not a threat.'

'He's a ghoul, Koutarou.'

'He's not just a ghoul,' Amon said, his breath finally catching up with him, as numerous shouts sounded from a house halfway down the street.

Akira frowned at him. 'When I saw you both talking in the park you said he was just like all the others.'

'He is, I mean, he _is_ a ghoul. But he seems to hate it, and he's good natured, and he's…' And he's _mine_ , Amon thought harshly. 'Please, Akira. They're going to kill him if they get the chance.'

'They'll take him to Cochlea.'

'He'll die either way. Here, or after they've extracted every possible piece of information from him.' Amon felt manic. 'You have to trust me, please? We don't know what they'll do to him in there.'

Akira was still frowning at Amon, as though trying to figure him out. 'Look, you don't need to worry. No one knows of your involvement, and they won't find out even if…'

'I don't give a damn about that! He's going to end up dead and he's… he's too important!'

There were louder shouts and cries coming from the house. And Amon felt so churned up in his stomach and in his head that he wanted to be sick. If Kaneki died...

Amon stepped forward decisively and grabbed the walkie-talkie that Akira had on her jacket, slotted in beside a Q-gun and the keys for one of the vans. He flicked it on so he could listen. Amongst a lot of crackling and white noise Shinohara was speaking.

* * *

Kaneki could hear the investigator's shouts and cries from the other side of the door, accompanied with the crackling of walkie-talkies. The unmistakable voice of Shinohara sounded above the others.

'...access is difficult. Target is alone but is locked in the bathroom. Unit one stay position, unit two, leave the house and circle the perimeter...'

Perimeter? As in the perimeter of the house? They obviously expected him to jump out the window, but Kaneki really wasn't sure if he could. After crawling up the stairs and slamming the door in their faces, just sitting on the side of the bath had his whole body shaking. His head was pounding. His eyes felt like they were melting in his sockets. And his leg… his leg…

The pain didn't bother him; Yamori had seen to that. But the sight made him want to be sick. In the way a chef might cut meat from a chicken leg, Suzuya had sliced his muscle from his bone, so he could see the white blinking up at him like a sliver of moon in the night's sky. The stands of sinew and skin that were keeping his calve muscle attached to the rest of his body could have been cut with the edge of a piece of paper.

And because of his weakened state, Kaneki had the feeling that he wasn't going to be healing any time soon.

But he had to focus. He had to pull himself together.

'Ghouuuuuuuleeeeeee…' said a high-pitched voice, accompanied with a scratching at the door. 'Let us innnnn. Let us rip you into pieces.'

'Suzuya, for goodness sake! Get out of the way or bash the door in.'

More scratching came at the door, but it was anything but aggressive. It was more like a cat playing games with a mouse before it finally snapped its neck.

'Stay in _there_ , ghouleeeee. Sit tight so we can catch you.'

'Suzuya…!'

'Let me cut off that kind smile of yours and pin it to my wall…'

Not for the first time, Kaneki had the idea that Juuzou Suzuya knew more than he was letting on. But after letting the words of the investigator sink in, Kaneki realised that Suzuya was right. His choice was either sit there and wait to be killed, or try to escape. He _had_ to try, even if his leg fell off in the process.

'Damn this stupid small corridor…' Shinohara cried on the other side of the door. 'Either get out of the way, Juuzou, or pick up that quinque of yours and actually use it!'

'Rogerrrrrrr that!' Suzuya cried, and Kaneki jumped backwards as the blade of the scythe came slicing through the door, exactly where Kaneki had been sitting.

Kaneki, channelling as much energy as he could and mustering up a red limb of kagune, sent it shooting at the misted glass of the bathroom window.

'Shinohara-san! Now my Jason is stuck!' Suzuya cried, as shards of glass rained down on Kaneki.

Half hopping onto the window sill and pulling at the frame, Kaneki poked his head out to see what the situation was. The pavement and road outside were dark, but there were still three or four visible figures standing below.

'You're more of a bloody hindrance than a help!' Shinohara roared from the hallway, and Kaneki heard the quinque yanked out of the wood before a cracking thud hit the bathroom door.

Kaneki launched himself out of the window as the wooden door splintered. Q-guns sounded from below, and Kaneki used his one pathetic limb of kagune as protection, as he pulled himself up the drainpipe and onto the roof.

* * *

As the walkie-talkie crackled in Amon's hand, his eyes fought the night as he frantically scanned the house. Even more shouts and thuds came from the upper floor, before Amon spotted a movement at the side. A dark shape hoisted itself out of a window, aided by what Amon could only presume was a kagune, and used the drain pipe to climb up onto the roof. The investigators bellow were firing Q-bullets like fireworks at New Year, but Kaneki was now completely out of their sight.

Amon had initially felt relief flood through him to see Kaneki alive, but his concern returned as he watched one of Kaneki's legs buckle under his weight, before he collapsed onto the roof.

'Damn it,' Amon whispered. 'He's hurt.'

The walkie-talkie crackled and Shinohara's voice sounded on it yet again. 'The ghoul's not in the house, any sign? Over.'

'Yes, Sir!' came the reply of one of the shooters. 'He's up on the roof! Over.'

'That's it, Amon,' Akira said softly. 'He's not getting out of that, he's completely surrounded. The best you can hope for it he'll be unconscious by the time they get up there and he won't have to be put down.'

Amon was shaky and angry and scared all at the same time, but there was a little voice in his head that was saying no. _No_. He would not give up.

But what the hell was he supposed to do?

He put his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose, and a glint of metal on Akira's belt caught his eye.

He felt his hand fly out, as if of its own accord, and grab Akira by the arm.

'Akira. Trust me now, ok? I'm sorry if this hurts, but when they ask you can tell them that a person in a ghoul mask pushed you to the ground and took them from you.'

Akira was looking at him in perplexed disbelief. 'Took what…?'

Amon reached out a hand and snatched the van keys that were hanging from her jacket, before pushing her brutally onto the ground.

He felt bad, but her story had to be believable.

He raced back around the corner, keys in one hand as he fumbled with his phone in the other.

'Pick up, dammit, PICK UP!' he yelled into the receiver, as he was met with the mind-numbingly slow ringing.

The phone rang out as Amon reached the van. _He really is unconscious_ , Amon thought, as he wrenched open the van door and jumped inside. He revved up the engine as he pressed the call button once again.

'Please… please Kaneki…' Amon said with bated breath.

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring.

'….heh-lo…?' said a raspy voice on the other end of the phone.

Amon nearly threw the phone into the air in pure joy. 'Kaneki, thank god! Listen… are you listening?'

'…Amon-san...?'

'Kaneki, you need to keep going for just a bit longer. I'm going to drive past in one of the CCG vans and I need you to jump onto the roof, ok?'

Shinohara and other investigators were still shouting instructions on the walkie-talkie, but on the other end of Amon's phone there was complete silence.

'Kaneki!?'

'Ok…' Kaneki said, very quietly. 'Jump onto the van roof?'

'Yes, yes! Get ready, I'm coming now.'

Amon revved the engine and released the handbrake. The van hurtled forward and he zoomed around the corner. The roof of the house was momentarily visible, and Amon saw a dark figure crouching on top.

'Now, Kaneki! Now!' Amon screamed into the phone, not even sure if the ghoul was still there.

It was like a crash of hope that thudded onto the roof above him. Amon swerved violently, but could still feel Kaneki's weight on the van. There were numerous exclamations of alarm from the investigators, and the walkie-talkie was going crazy, but soon their voices were lost in the whizzing of the van. Within seconds Amon was around the corner and out of their sight, performing what he could only consider to be a miracle.

* * *

 _I've realised a bit late that I have been imagining the house Kaneki was in as the Victorian stone-type house that I'm used to, rather than one that's more of a Japanese style, but oh well! Maybe I should have thrown in a tatami mat or a sliding door hahaha._

 _Hope you enjoyed._


	13. Back to the Flat

'Akira-san! Akira-san!' cried many voices as figures rushed towards her. 'Are you ok?'

Akira felt herself nodding as she was pulled to her feet, and heard the words leaving her mouth before she'd even thought about it. 'It was someone in a mask. They pushed me to the ground and took the van keys.'

'A ghoul?'

'You mean a ghoul, don't you?'

'That bastard had an accomplice.'

Akira nodded along, as the investigators rushed this way and that way, yelling orders at each other.

 _Amon Koutarou_ , she thought bitterly, as she brushed her clothes back into position. _You truly are a fool._

* * *

Amon had been driving for about a minute before he pulled the van up in a back street. He knew the traceable vehicle had to be ditched as soon as possible, but he had wanted to get away from the investigators as much as he could before pulling Kaneki off the roof.

After climbing out Amon called to the ghoul, who had been lying down. Kaneki clambered down, half falling into Amon's arms.

'You look bad, Kaneki.'

Amon was trying to get a better grip on the ghoul, but Kaneki felt like a rag doll made of lead.

'They'll be coming after us soon,' Amon said under his breath. 'We have to ditch the van and get away.'

Kaneki didn't say anything.

'There's so much blood,' Amon said. 'Your leg…' He gulped, and tried to focus instead on Kaneki's face. 'Why haven't you healed yet?'

Kaneki just shook his head.

'Kaneki!' he said, shaking the ghoul slightly. 'Kaneki, you need to wake up. We need to get out of here!'

'Ummmm,' the ghoul said quietly, and his eyelids flickered. 'Amon-san?'

'Yes, it's me you idiot, now come on, we have to go.'

Amon half dragged, half pushed the ghoul around the corner, towards where he knew the main road was. All he could think of was to find a cab or something and get the hell away from the CCG.

He stuck out his arm as they reached the road, and after a car pulled up Amon pushed Kaneki in, jumped in after him, and gave the driver the address of his flat.

He had kept Kaneki's mask on, should some investigators be on their tail, but Amon wrenched it off as the car moved off. Amon looked up to see the driver looking in the mirror at Kaneki's face, and then at his ripped and bloodied clothes. He met Amon's gaze and raised his hands on the steering wheel. 'I'm not gonna ask!' he said, and set his eyes back on the road.

'Are you going to be alright?' Amon asked Kaneki, his jaw set.

Kaneki nodded ever so slightly, then lifted the phone that was still in his hand.

'My friends… you have to call them.'

'Your friends?'

'They can help me…'

'No way!' Amon said, shocked that Kaneki had even suggested it. 'I'm not calling those kind of people.'

'Then where are you taking me?'

'Back to mine. There's nowhere else to take you, and you need rest. You look a state.'

'Well, yeah,' Kaneki said quietly, but in a rather dry fashion. 'Your damn quinques are actually quite damaging.'

The car turned down street after street, and the two of them fell into silence as they waited to reach their destination. Amon's heart was still hammering in his chest. He had been so scared; Kaneki could have died.

He still could die, Amon thought, as he looked sideways at the ghoul, slumped on the seat beside him. The thoughts Amon had had only hours ago felt so alien in his mind. Turn Kaneki in? To those monsters at the CCG who had done this to him?

 _Monsters?_

Amon felt shocked at his own thoughts. Why was he seeing the CCG as the monsters now? He was one of them, but he had betrayed them all and rescued a _ghoul_. Had it been the right thing to do?

Kaneki's knee was touching his, as he lay there montionlessly.

Amon was touching a ghoul. He had helped a ghoul. It made his skin tingle strangley, and a not unpleasant feeling shot through his spine.

Kaneki was alive, and Amon couldn't deny his happiness, but at the back of his mind the investigator in him was rather apprehensive. The ghoul before him looked close to death, and from experience he knew what ghouls did when their lives were threatened, or when they needed energy. God, even Kaneki had done as much. When they had first met, fighting in the rain the night Mado had...

Kaneki had fought and fought, never giving up, despite his inabilities. And when Amon had thought that Kaneki had finally been defeated, the ghoul had jumped up and taken a rip out of Amon's shoulder. Kaneki had eaten Amon to make sure he didn't lose. What was to stop him doing that again?

Amon saw his road come into view as the car pulled up, and decided to push these worries to the back of his mind for now. Above all else he just knew that he didn't want Kaneki to die.

Amon hadn't realised how much he had come to need the ghoul.

Despite escaping the CCG, the panic in within Amon was still flowing strong; the ghoul kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Amon put a wad of notes in the driver's hand, grabbed the abandoned mask, and helped Kaneki out of the car door.

Amon was only on the first floor, but he was half carrying, half dragging Kaneki as he fumbled with his keys and let them both inside. His fingers traced over soft skin and toned shoulders, as he laid Kaneki as delicately as he could on the sofa. Then he ran to get kitchen roll and water. Taking a pair of scissors, Amon cut the bottom of the ghoul's trousers away, so he could easily get to the wound on his leg.

Amon had seen a lot in his time as an investigator, but even this made an unpleasant feeling stir in his stomach. He tried to clean the surrounding skin as much as he could, but new that it was probably best to just leave the ghoul's body to it. It looked as though tiny bits of skin at the corners of the gash had begun meshing themselves together, but other than that there was little improvement.

'Your body still isn't healing,' Amon said, hoping Kaneki would respond.

Kaneki coughed, his eyelids flickering. 'But I have… fast… regenerative abilities.'

'Not at the moment, apparently,' Amon said. 'Does it hurt much?'

Kaneki shook his head. 'Pain doesn't bother me anymore… I just feel… so weak…'

And his eyes started dropping. He looked so incredibly pale, and Amon didn't want to guess at how much blood he had lost.

'Damn it, Kaneki? Kaneki?!' Amon said, shaking him. Then an idea struck him. 'When was the last time you ate?'

Kaneki's eyes were shut now, but he muttered quietly. 'About… four… weeks…'

'God dammit!' Amon shouted. So after everything that had happened in that collapsed tunnel, and even after throwing up all that food in the restaurant, Kaneki still hadn't eaten anything? Hadn't managed to recover his strength?

'Kaneki, listen. Just hang on, ok? I promise I'll make you better, I'll get you some food, or something. Just keep fighting, ok?'

Kaneki nodded slowly, his eyes shut. 'I'll stay… strong…'

Then Amon felt himself freeze, still holding Kaneki tightly by the shoulders.

There had been a knock at the door.

* * *

Amon opened the door to a rather flustered and stormy faced Akira.

'Thank god!' Amon said, letting out a sigh of relief. 'I thought you were the CCG.'

She looked like a volcano ready to erupt, which was an expression that was strange on the face of someone who was normally so measured. 'I am the CCG!' she said, storming into the flat.

She was looking into every corner of the kitchen, as if something was going to suddenly materialise and take a bite out of her.

'How did you get here so quickly?' Amon asked, shutting the door hastily.

'I took a cab. I figured this was where you would be.' She paused, looking over her shoulder towards the living room. 'Is the ghoul...?''

'In the living room,' Amon said, nodding. 'He's asleep, at least, he was before you started making all this racket…'

Akira poked her head around the living room door, then entered, giving Kaneki as wide a berth as possible.

'He looks bad.'

'He'll be fine. He's just sleeping.'

'What are you going to do with him?'

Amon was watching Akira very carefully. The fact that she had obviously not reported anything to the CCG was comforting, but she was still holding her quinque by her side, and other than her obvious anger it was very hard to tell what she was thinking, as it always was.

'I think…' said Amon, wary of what he was about to say. ' I think I need to find him some food.'

Akira shot him a look. 'You can't possibly mean…'

'Of course not! I need to get some from the CCG.' And an idea suddenly sprung into Amon's head. 'Akira, you could stay here and watch…'

Akira narrowed her eyes at him, then as she understood what he meant a look of utter incredulity consumed her face. 'What? Amon, no way!'

'If I leave him here on his own he might escape… or die.'

'Yes, and what do you think a dying ghoul stuck in the same room as a human will do to that human?'

It was the same fear that Amon had had in the taxi, but the risk was worth it. The alternative was donate some of his own body, or let Kaneki waste away. Neither were options he thought viable. 'You've got your quinque with you, Akira. Please?'

He began backing away as he spoke, and when Akira realised what he was doing she looked murderous.

'Amon Koutarou, don't you dare…!'

Now he was running through the kitchen, and Akira, with her sprained ankle, had no hope of following him. He grabbed his keys from his pocket and locked the door, leaving Kaneki and the extremely flustered investigator alone together.

* * *

 _Thanks for the reviews guys. As the year goes on I'm getting more and more uni work, so I haven't had much time to write this recently. I actually think this chapter feels a bit rushed, but here it is anyway haha._

 _Can I just say as well that it's so cool seeing that people from so many different countries are having a read of this! It's world wide it's crazyyyyy!_

 _I will try and update again soon, but sorry if it's a bit of a wait again. X_


	14. Sustenance

Akira wanted to murder that shoddy excuse for an investigator and feed him to the unconscious ghoul in front of her. She had come to learn that there was more to Amon than she had thought initially, but Akira would never have believed he could be so reckless, so disrespectful, and so _stupid_. Was her life truly worth so little to him, or had he just abandoned the part of his brain that handled reason and loyalty? She could easily die stuck in here, with an injured leg and only a quinque to defend herself against an SS rank ghoul.

Then a thought crossed her mind; it would be easy for her to make a quick call to the CCG, or just as easily put the ghoul down right now, whilst he was unconscious. That would solve the problem altogether.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Amon had obviously just thought of the same thing.

'You are dead to me, Amon Koutarou,' Akira said, as she accepted the call in a half whisper so as not to wake the sleeping ghoul across the living room.

'I'm not going to be long, I promise. An hour at most.'

'What's going on, Amon? Your actions… Siding with ghouls… betraying your colleges… heading off to steal human meat…'

'Akira, please,' Amon said, a note of desperation in his voice. 'You must know me well enough to know that I wouldn't do any of this without a good reason?'

Akira gulped. That much was certainly true.

'Please, I need you to do this favour for me; just… babysit him for a while. I know he won't attack you, but even if he did, I know that you can defend yourself. Please sit tight until I get back.'

'Amon, this goes against everything…'

'I am ordering you, as your superior, Akira,' Amon said in a stern rush, and then taking a breath he said, 'and I'm asking you, as my friend. Please just trust me.'

'Fine!' Akira said. 'But like I said, Koutarou, you're dead to me,' and she hung up the phone.

She really didn't need this. The late night raid had interrupted her schedule already, and now it was getting close to three o'clock in the morning, and all she wanted to do was curl up with Maris Stella and…

A voice filled the room, and Akira nearly jumped out of her skin. The ghoul had muttered something. Clutching her quinque tightly, she watched Eyepatch closely with a steadily growing sense of fear. He could _not_ wake up. Akira didn't know how to deal with that.

The ghoul lay still for a moment, then his eyelids fluttered.

'What… where am I?'

He was still half asleep. _There's still a chance,_ Akira thought, and quickly moving closer, she said in a soft voice, 'Shhhh, it's er… it's ok. You're in Amon Koutarou's flat.'

'Amon Koutarou's..?!' He was waking up, and Akira panicked.

'Shhh, shhhhh… it's ok,' she said, and kneeling down beside the sofa she gingerly placed her hand on his head and began smoothing his white hair.

His eye lids drooped and within seconds he was unconscious again. Akira couldn't believe it. What was she going to do next, sing the ghoul a bloody lullaby?

* * *

It felt like hours and hours had passed before Akira heard the key in the latch again. Amon came quietly into the living room, and placed a rucksack down on the coffee table.

'He's still asleep?'

Akira nodded. She was relieved to say the least. After Eyepatch had drifted off again she had retreated to the other side of the room and not dared to move for over an hour until Amon had come back. She had tried to push the ghoul's presence from her mind, whilst simultaneously being unable to take her eyes off the ghoul in case he should move again.

'You owe me massively for this, Koutarou.' She looked down at the rucksack, sitting rather ominously between them. 'You managed to get it then?'

'It was easier than I thought it would be,' Amon said, unzipping the sack and pulling out a bulging carrier bag from within. Akira smacked her hand to her mouth and looked away.

Amon continued. 'I just said I was visiting a ghoul in one of the cells and wanted to take some food for negotiation. It's only one serving they said, but it's better than nothing. They even left me alone in their lab for a good five minutes,' and his eyes flitted to the now less-full rucksack.

'Yes, well, they don't expect you to be sneaking some back to your injured ghoul lover.'

Amon inhaled in utter outrage. 'Are you trying to be funny again?'

Akira offered him a look of pure indignation, before saying in a curt whisper, 'Well, what do you expect me to think, Amon? You've dragged this ghoul to your flat, _saving_ him from the CCG when you _should_ be helping to catch him. You're also reluctant to tell me any of your reasons _why…_ '

Akira saw something twitch in her peripheral vision. After being so on edge and so mentally and bodily exhausted she flinched away from the sofa where the ghoul had stirred.

Amon moved past her towards Eyepatch. 'He doesn't look any better…'

The ghoul was waking up again; his eyes were fluttering as he gripped the sofa tightly. '…something… smells…'

'He can smell the meat,' Akira said, her eyes on the bag still clenched in Amon's fist as she shakily brushed her hair behind her ear.

But something wasn't right. Eyepatch was incredibly pale, and a convulsive movement flickered through his body.

'Amon, he looks like he's going to be…'

Amon lurched rapidly and grabbed the waste paper bin from beside the sofa. He put it to Eyepatch's mouth just in time. The ghoul heaved up a mouthful of gloopy yellow bile.

Amon put a hand to his mouth as the smell of sick reached him. Unfortunately it was the hand holding the chunks of human meat, and Akira almost laughed as he recoiled with a cry of horror, dropping the bag on the floor.

The ghoul looked at the bag on the floor, then at Akira and Amon standing over him, as the confusion on his face slowly transformed to disbelief.

* * *

Kaneki felt like a back of rocks was sitting on his head, and like a hook was lodged in his mouth, trying to pull him down into nothingness. There was a horrifically sour and stinging sensation in his nostrils, which made his stomach churn sickeningly. His leg felt like it was crying, with the dull ache that it was sending through him. His body felt like it was consuming him and tearing him apart, wanting to leave him as nothing more than a detached entity floating on the wind.

He blinked, looking up at two figures and trying to make them come into focus. Had he been caught? Was he locked up? Was he _dead_? If this was Cochlea, or even hell for that matter, then what he was lying on felt far too comfortable. He blinked again, and a young man with dark hair and a deep frown came into focus.

Amon.

It all came back, as though he was remembering a fuzzy dream. Amon finding him in the alley…. putting him in a taxi…. getting him here…

Behind him stood a second person. A woman, with blonde hair, who Kaneki was sure he recognised. She was a member of the CCG, and thoughts of capture resurfaced in Kaneki's mind.

Another wave of the putrid smell hit Kaneki, and with a heaving in his throat he threw up more stomach acid into the metal container. It was a horrible smell, and yet strangely familiar.

'What's making him sick?' Kaneki heard Amon say. His voice sounded very far away, like the horn of a train on a distant railway.

' _It's taking you back, isn't it, Kaneki?'_

This voice was much clearer, and as Kaneki looked up again a third figure came into view. Rize came out from behind Amon, moving around the sofa and leaning over the back of it to rest a cool hand on Kaneki's cheek.

' _You don't look good, Kaneki-chan.'_ She actually sounded concerned, and for once Kaneki was happy to see her. However unnatural her presence was, it was a comfort to know that he wasn't completely alone with these Doves.

Amon knelt down and put his hand on Kaneki's shoulder, who was still hunched over the bin, with his injured leg outstretched at a weird angle.

'Something in here smells terrible,' Kaneki said, shakily bringing a hand up to his nose.

A deep and dreadful laugh suddenly echoed through the room, and Kaneki flinched, sitting as bolt upright as he could and looking around in panic.

'What's wrong with him?' said the woman. It was the same woman Kaneki had met at the CCG…

The laugh sounded again, and Kaneki felt a sickening jolt in his stomach that had nothing to do with the bad smell. He hadn't heard that laugh since he had been stuck in that room, and Yamori's voice had lost none of its harsh cruelty.

 _'Kaneki…'_ Even Rize looked worried, as she looked into the corners of the room. _'Kaneki, fight it! Don't let him come through.'_

'It's that smell… it's reminding me…' Kaneki said, as he tried to steady his breathing and put his torturer from his mind.

'What smell?' Amon said, trying to look Kaneki in the eye. 'Reminding you of what?'

Kaneki could hear himself muttering, but he couldn't stop. 'Reminds me off… that grin in the dark, and the centipedes, crawling in one ear and out the other…'

'Oh not this again!' Amon cried.

'What is it?' said the woman, somewhat concernedly.

'With Eyepatch it's either mild-mannered teenager or unhinged mental-case. He flips like a switch.'

'One in each ear… quietly clip your fingers… wait for them to grow back… clip again…'

' _Kaneki, fight it!'_

'You stupid ghoul, what is the matter with you?'

Kaneki looked up at Amon in utter fear, his hands gripping for something, anything, as he tried to get up off the sofa. 'Please… get me out of here… I can't stand it another day… don't kill them, I…'

'Goddamit, Eyepatch…!' Amon said, and Kaneki felt the grasp on his shoulder tighten.

'Kaneki Ken!' Akira said suddenly. Her voice was followed by a resonating silence as Kaneki turned, giving her his full attention.

Akira walked forward and bending down gently touched Kaneki's arm. The ghoul flinched, but didn't move.

'Come on,' Akira said softly, and lightly pushed him back onto the sofa. She grabbed a pillow and put it behind Kaneki's head. 'You're tired and you're injured. You need to eat something and then get some sleep, ok?'

Kaneki felt himself nodding ever so slightly. Her words brought him crashing back to reality, but the effect was like landing on a feather mattress.

'How did you know that would work?' Kaneki heard Amon mutter.

'When you weren't here he calmed down when I offered him comfort, I thought it might work this time. Now quickly, give him the meat.'

Amon reached down. There was a rustling sound, and the rancid smell in the room was immediately destroyed by one a lot sweeter. It was more fragrant than the smell of a thousand summers. It was juicy and divine, and yet filled Kaneki with even more revulsion.

'Where did you get that?' Kaneki said in horror as he stared down at the bag.

Rize stood up, noticeably more relaxed now Kaneki's attention had been diverted.

Kaneki could feel his body reacting independently from his mind, and he saw his hand reaching out delicately and felt his eyes growing wide as they fixated on what Amon had in his hand.

The meat. It smelt like life. Like energy and goodness. Kaneki wanted nothing more than to devour every last morsel, but he couldn't. He wasn't like that. He _didn't eat people._ He hadn't eaten human meat for weeks and weeks, and he even consumed ghoul meat with the deepest regret. But at least that made him stronger…

'This _will make you stronger, Kaneki,'_ Rize said. ' _Hunger, injury, or exhaustion. If you don't eat that meat right now then one of those will kill you.'_ Her voice was void of its usual flirtatious and mocking tone. She was deadly serious.

'I don't want it…' Kaneki said, but again his body betrayed him. His hand was inching nearer and nearer to Amon's, as the investigator pulled apart the layers of plastic.

'If you don't eat it, you stupid ghoul, then you might die,' Amon said. The look on Amon's face expressed all his distaste, but still he continued to unwrap the wrappings. Gingerly he reached his finger and thumb into the bag and brought out a piece of the meet.

'Look at his face, my god…'

Kaneki knew the woman was talking about him. He knew he must look like a monster, gazing at this chunk of deceased human as though it were a piece of heaven itself, the blood dripping onto the carpet like raindrops of gold.

'I can't watch this,' said the woman. Kaneki felt her leave the room more than he saw her.

But now tears had sprung up into Kaneki's eyes. He knew he was a monster just as much as she did. Amon had been holding the meat out to him with his face turned away, but he looked around when he heard Kaneki sniff.

'I'm… I'm sorry…' Kaneki said, his voice catching in his throat as he wiped the water from his eyes.

Amon had an unreadable expression on his face. 'Just, get this over with. Eat it.'

And Kaneki did. He sunk his teeth into the red muscle, feeling the veins pop and the blood trickle down his chin. He tore off strands of skin with his teeth and wolfed them down, leaving nothing but five fingernails at the bottom of the carrier bag.

Amon had stayed there the whole time, his back showering Kaneki with just as much shame as his eyes would. He only turned around when he heard Kaneki let out a sigh and slump back down on the pillow.

'I'm guessing that now you feel better.'

Kaneki nodded. He certainly did. His stomach felt comfortable and full. Amon got up and took both the carrier back and his rucksack into the kitchen.

'I need to dispose of this bag properly,' Kaneki heard Amon say. 'It would be difficult to talk my way out of if anyone found it. I'll be five minutes.' He certainly felt disgusted with himself, and embarrassed that Amon had to clean up his mess for him, but nothing could compare with the relief he felt running through him. To have that sustenance in him once again was the best feeling he could imagine, and even the horrid smell had gone, which Kaneki put down to his slightly delirious state on waking. With Rize smoothing his arm softly, he closed his eyes and revelled in the momentary feeling of comfort.

* * *

Akira stayed where she was as Amon walked past her, and for the second time that night she heard the door shut and was left alone with the ghoul.

Akira edged into the living room once again, and crept closer to the sofa. All the while she was watching the ghoul very carefully, although she had to admit that she felt safer now than she ever had in his presence. At least now she knew for certain that his appetite had been satiated.

His eyes were shut. He certainly still looked tired; the dark circles under his eyes gave evidence for as much. She moved forward slightly, studying him from top to bottom. His white hair was growing straight from his scalp rather than being as a result of hair dye, which was strange, but Akira supposed there was some explanation. His face looked small and not particularly distinguishable. His black clothes were tight on his torso, showing a slim build with muscle definition. He looked fit, but not incredibly strong. Although, Akira had seen him in action, and knew that his effectiveness in battle came from skill and agility rather than brute force. She also knew, from Ken Kaneki's profile as a missing university student, that he was intelligent and studious. He was most definitely intriguing.

'But why is Amon so fixated on you?' Akira muttered, as her analytical gaze moved down to the ghoul's leg.

The bleeding had stopped, it seemed, but the wound still looked bloody and deep.

'That's a good question,' said a voice from the top end of the ghoul.

Akira's gaze flashed back to Eyepatch's head. The ghoul was watching her steadily with a pair of grey eyes, just like the ones in the missing person posters.

She wanted to jump back away from him again, but she held her ground.

'I know you,' said the ghoul, watching her.

'My name is Mado Akira.' There was a pause, before she went on to say. 'You are Kaneki Ken.'

'Do you know Amon well?'

'I thought I did,' Akira said with a frown. 'I'm his partner.'

'I know,' Eyepatch said, still watching her. All his mannerisms were rather subdued, even his shock, but Akira supposed that was because of his fatigue and injuries. Even so, Akira was shocked at how apprehensive he looked. He could join the club.

'What are you doing here, are the CCG…?'

Akira shook her head profusely. 'No! I overheard you and Amon talking in Gyoen Park, and I knew there was something going on between you both, but now Amon's roped me in to helping you.'

Kaneki blinked at her, before offering her a smile. 'Oh, well, thank you.' Then bit his lip, momentarily looking at the ground, before he went on to say, 'I'm sorry you had to see that.'

Akira gulped. 'Well, I left the room, so…'

Eyepatch shook his head. 'I mean my behaviour, with me being so…'

'Mad? Akira said, folding her arms across her chest. 'It's ok. My father was a bit on the mental side himself, so I'm used to it. He was Amon's partner before me.'

'He died,' Eyepatch said, a look close to shame on his features.

'At one point I despised Amon,' Akira said, her voice sounding rather distant to her own ears. 'I blamed him for the death of my father.'

Eyepatch didn't move, or rather couldn't because of his leg, but Akira saw his hand twitch.

'Amon isn't to blame.'

Akira frowned at him, clutching her jacket closer to her. 'What do you mean?'

'The night that your father was killed, Amon was on the way to help him, but he didn't get there in time.'

'Well, I know that much, don't I?' said Akira, somewhat angrily.

'Yes, but that was because I stopped him. Your father was trying to kill some friends of mine, and so I fought Amon so he couldn't go and help. I don't regret what I did, because I was protecting my friends, but…' Kaneki pushed himself up slightly and looked Akira in the eye. 'I'm sorry that you lost your father, and please don't blame Amon for something that was my fault.'

Akira felt stunned, not just because of what the ghoul had told her, but also because of the fact he had been truthful about it. Her whole body had frozen, and she couldn't take her eyes from the ghoul's own grey ones.

Eyepatch tried to push himself up straighter as he took another breath. He sounded pained.

'Please, if you _do_ have to blame anyone, then blame me. Amon did all he could.'

'He... Amon, he...' Akira felt like her words had abandoned her. 'He's never told me that before.'

She wanted to sit down, she wanted to rest. She felt a bit sick. Was this just shock? The knowledge that not only had Amon been innocent, and the boy in front of her was to blame.

Was he? Rabbit… they had dealt the killing blow to her father, but Eyepatch had been their accomplice. The nice ghoul that was already breaking all the rules. She didn't know what to think.

Akira opened her mouth to say something more, but then she heard the front door open as Amon came back into the flat. Akira made to leave into the kitchen, but as she was walking past the sofa a hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist.

'I really, truly am sorry,' he said. His eyes held so much sincerity Akira couldn't doubt him for one moment.

'Thank you,' Akira said, a breath hitching her throat. She had stopped blaming Amon for her father's death a while ago, and didn't want to blame anyone else either.

Akira walked in some kind of daze into the kitchen, and after being promised answers by Amon, she left the flat and walked out into the faint light of the new day. She walked back to her own flat through the crisp morning air, with just her quinque for company.

For Akira, everything seemed to have finally made sense, and yet at the same times things had never felt more complicated. So much had changed in the space of one night, and Akira had a strange feeling that the revelations had only just begun.

* * *

Kaneki was out like a light, his chest rising and falling steadily under the blanket. From what Amon could see, the gash on his leg already looked one hundred times better. Amon had decided that he would wait until the morning, when Kaneki had had a chance to heal himself.

Walking over quietly, and reaching out a hand, Amon traced his fingers in the air above Kaneki's white locks, still encrusted with dirt and splatters of blood.

He drew his hand back with a shake of his head, then walked back into the kitchen. After taking out the remaining contents of his rucksack he read the instructions from cover to cover, and did his best to make it ready for use. Then he placed the assembled piece in one of the kitchen draws, so it was easily accessible.

It hadn't been easy swiping it, but it was essential, and Amon had to be ready for when Kaneki woke up.

* * *

 _I know I've been away for ages… so I thought I'd make this come back chapter nice and long. Thank you for being patient with me!_

 _I've tried to give all the characters a slightly different narrative voice, which is hopefully in keeping with their personalities. E.g. Akira being cold and blunt, Kaneki being the poetic literature student… hopefully this comes across!_

 _You'll find out what the bad smell was next chapter, unless you don't already know…_

 _Review and I'll love you forever. (And cause it's been a while, should I still keep writing this? Are people still interested?)_


	15. Just a ghoul?

Dawn was waking up the day, but the ghoul was still asleep. Granted, it had only been a few hours since Akira had left, and the ghoul would probably be able to sleep hours and hours more. Amon had wanted to wait until Eyepatch woke up of his own accord, but he wasn't sure that he could wait that long.

He stepped in closer to have a good look at Kaneki's leg. Through the shredded fabric and bloodied skin, he could see a fresh patch of skin where the wound had once been. The ghoul's body had obviously prioritised healing the open wound, and was now just focused on regaining strength.

But Amon couldn't let that happen.

Eyepatch looked so innocent, lying there, asleep on Amon's sofa. His eyes were lightly closed, and his chest was steadily rising and falling. It was unbelievable that such an immense amount of power could be held in just this one person.

And Eyepatch was powerful, that Amon couldn't deny. But he was also charming and gentle and humble, and there was a part of him that was raw and unprotected; the part of him that talked about centipedes and counted manically backwards.

Amon knew that there had to be a reason for why Kaneki behaved like that. For this reason, as well as others, Amon knew he wanted to talk to Kaneki. He wanted to get to know him better, but it was just so difficult to get over… everything; what he was. Or maybe Amon just couldn't get over himself.

He had always been so cool, so collected. Perhaps he had been even a little _too_ unfeeling. Work and reports and raids had been his life, and he had never had a relationship with anyone past being friends.

Amon scrunched up his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Even his own thoughts insinuated a relationship between him and Eyepatch that was more than it should be.

But he had to admit that he had never felt this way before, so drawn to one person. It felt like magnets were pulling them together, and just to have Eyepatch in sight felt like a weight off Amon's chest. Was this what _attraction_ felt like? Not a silly crush or anything; Amon had never felt remotely bothered by any of that. This felt more like a deep-seated infatuation, one that he couldn't escape.

Amon, still standing by Kaneki as he lay there on the sofa, put his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. 'Lovers' is what Akira had said. Was what Eyepatch and he had really a romantic interest? He was so inexperienced in that arena that he couldn't even say. When he pictured romance he thought of flowers and flirtatious smiles, restaurant dining and holding hands in the park.

What he and Kaneki had done in the park had been quite different. For how long had Kaneki lain there, with the tree branches swaying above his head, and the echo of Amon's kicks against his chest?

Amon clutched at his hair in utter frustration. He was exhausted and confused. After a good nights sleep he would surely stop thinking these thoughts. These dishonourable, treasonous thoughts. Because he shouldn't feel anything towards a ghoul apart from hatred and disgust. Indeed, he was behaving dishonourably to the highest degree. Amon should want to stamp out Kankei's life, rather than want to nurse him back to health.

But when he had seen him bleeding in the alley… the thought of Kaneki dying had filled him with a deep-seated dread, and he had just wanted to…

Oh! He… Amon didn't know what he wanted.

But romance? Romance suggested love, and he could not love a ghoul. Eyepatch may have been intriguing, but he was also dangerous.

Amon nodded to himself, then reached forward and shook Eyepatch by the shoulder.

Kaneki twitched, and with half a stretch opened his eyes. He looked blearily up at Amon with a slight frown on his face.

'Feeling better?' Amon said in a monotone voice.

'Yes… a lot.'

The eyepatchless Eyepatch took a deep breath and tried to pull himself up off the sofa.

'Stay where you are,' Amon said. He could almost taste the harshness of his tone. Kaneki was still frowning, but he did as he was told and leant back against the sofa.

'Ah,' he said, after a moments pause.

'What?' Amon spat.

'So I'm your prisoner, is that it?'

Amon put on a matching frown. He didn't like that word, but maybe it was accurate?

'Well…' Amon said, formulating his words in his head. 'You're still very weak, aren't you? You can't just go wandering off into Tokyo, and your house has been raided…'

'I have friends I could get in contact with…' Kaneki said, but Amon cut him off.

'…and I'm still an Investigator and you are _still_ a ghoul. You should be thankful that I helped you at all.'

Kaneki just looked at him, and with all sincerity said, 'Why did you help me?'

Because I didn't want you to die.

'Because… well, I…'

Eyepatch was just looking at him.

'Forget about that!' Amon said, folding his arms tightly across his chest, as Kaneki swung his legs slowly off the sofa and sat up straight. 'You're happy I _did_ help, right? You could have died.'

Kaneki ran a hand over the healed flesh where his wound had been, then abruptly stood up off the sofa.

'I know, and I suppose I…' he began, but at the fast movement Amon snapped.

'I said stay where you are!' he yelled, and pushed Eyepatch back onto the sofa. Then he realised he had his hand around the ghoul's throat and he didn't even know how it had got there. He was gripping as tightly as he could, but still the damned ghoul's throat remained strong between his fingers. The freakish physiognomy of the ghoul meant that Amon couldn't really hurt him, and he _wanted to_. It was the honourable part of him that was still a loyal investigator, and the part of him that just hated how Kaneki refused to fit into one of the boxes that he had for so long compartmentalised his life with. That part of him wanted Kaneki to breathlessly cry out for help. Amon wanted to pull his hair, and punch in his eyes. And his lips, Amon wanted to…

Amon shook himself, and looked into the eyes of the ghoul sitting beneath him. He could have thrown Amon across the room by now, but he hadn't. Why didn't he? Why did he have to be so different?

'Stay where you are!' Amon repeated harshly. 'You are a _ghoul_ that I've let into my _home_.'

'I know,' Kaneki said quietly. 'I know I must be… scary, but…'

'No! You don't!' Amon exclaimed, letting go of Kaneki and stepping away from him. 'You don't know anything, ghoul!' Amon turned abruptly punched his fist into the wall.

'I'm sorry,' Kaneki said from over Amon's shoulder. 'I know, just my very existence is causing you a lot of stress…'

Amon was trying to get his breathing under control, but he couldn't. What the hell was wrong with him? Kaneki was still talking, but Amon couldn't hear him because of the thick blood rushing through his ears. He moved sideways, his hand leaning on the wall. Then he was in the kitchen, and he was opening the kitchen draw. He took out the syringe, and then he was walking back into the living room, and Kaneki was still talking, faced towards the ground. The ghoul didn't have a moment to blink before the syringe had been impaled into his arm and Amon had injected the RC suppressants into his blood stream.

Eyepatch had gone as rigid as a board, and his large round eyes had become orbs of fear.

'No…' he muttered, then, realising he could move, he grabbed at Amon, and then Amon was lying sprawled across the floor where Kaneki had thrown him. He was so strong, but the suppressants were already flowing through his system, and soon he and Amon would both be on equal, human, footing.

'Amon, why…?' and pulling the syringe out of his arm Eyepatch threw it onto the ground, where it stuck into the carpet.

'Why?' Amon asked, then all the more loudly, 'WHY?'

He launched himself off the floor, and bringing his fist up he smacked it into the ghoul's eye.

'BECAUSE…'

He brought up his knee and smacked it into the smaller man's stomach.

'…YOU…'

He flung the ghoul to the ground.

'…ARE…'

He kicked him in his chest.

'…A…'

He bent down and grabbed him by his white hair, forcing Eyepatch's head upwards.

'…ghoul.'

The last word he said in barely a whisper, and for a long moment the two of them looked each other in the eye and said nothing.

Eyepatch tried to pull away, but Amon held him tightly.

'As long as you are here, and as long as you are a ghoul at loose in Tokyo that _I_ know about, you will take these shots, understood?'

Amon felt strange. This violence, this anger… Eyepatch seemed to bring it out in him, and it was like a boiling hot tsunami rushing through his veins, sending all reason in him to run and hide. He could feel a tingling through his whole body and deep inside his stomach as he forcefully held Eyepatch under him. Amon, this ghoul, and this strange and unbalanced relationship between them… he liked it. Amon liked it.

Eyepatch stared at him. 'I can't be weak…'

Amon shook the ghoul, sending the white locks flying over his hand, and a strange noise to escape from Eyepatch's mouth. 'It's your choice, Eyepatch. I can kill you… or you can live like this.'

And with that he violently pushed Eyepatch away from him and stood up.

Eyepatch collapsed onto the ground and put his head into his hands.

Amon left him lying on the floor.

* * *

 _You guys were right, of course! RC suppressors eeeeek._

 _I only proof read this chapter once, so sorry if it's a bit shoddy in places. Amon is… mean haha. (I'm trying to make it fit his character.) And I'm sorry that if this is all a bit heavy… I've been trying to fit in some more light-hearted bits, but this story really doesn't want me to!_

 _Anyway, as always, I would love to hear what you think. You guys are the people keeping this fic alive. :D_


	16. Cwtchy

The night had been and gone. Kaneki had fallen asleep in the same place that Amon had left him, curled up on the carpet. He was muttering incoherently, and had his hand outstretched before him, as though reaching for something that wasn't there.

Amon watched him for a long moment. He was so small, with his arms around his knees like that. His head was twisting to and fro. With no RC cells to heal it, the eye that had always been covered by Eyepatch's mask had become bruised and blackened. Amon had always been a fighter for justice, for goodness, and yet there was a young man lying on his living room floor, wearing the bruises Amon had given him. But Amon _liked_ seeing the results of their fight last night, worn like paint on Kaneki's face. He wandered if that meant he was sick.

Of course, this aggression was nothing new for Amon. Maybe he had always had it, but the ghouls had been there to let it out on. Now there was a ghoul in his house, who long ago should have become another one of Amon's defeated. Instead, he was someone Amon felt…

'Don't leave alone here…' Eyepatch cried out suddenly, and tried grasping for something that wasn't there.

Amon didn't know what he felt. Whenever Kaneki was around, the world was so much more chaotic and confusing. It was so far away from the black and white way he had always lived his life. And yet… whenever Kaneki was around, his whole body seemed to tingle pleasantly all over. He wanted to pluck Kaneki from the world, from all the confusion, and just make him his.

Kaneki was obviously having a bad dream. Amon bit his lip, and Akira's words from the night before flashed across his mind.

 _'_ _He calmed down when I offered him comfort… I thought it might work this time.'_

Could Amon do that? Could he comfort him?

Amon found his own hand reaching out, and squatting down on the floor, he laced Kaneki's fingers with his.

The ghoul was awake in an instant. His eyes flashed open and looked at Amon. His entire body went still, but the grasp on Amon's hand tightened.

'You were having a nightmare, I think.' Amon said softly.

Amon pulled Kaneki up by the shoulders, into a sitting position, and the ghoul winced, obviously expecting a blow, and Amon froze momentarily.

Amon felt shame grip at him. He was so immature, not being able to cope with his feelings. Behaving like a child with his favourite toy, throwing it across the room in a tantrum, or hugging it close when in need of a friend.

But this wasn't about Amon. Right now Kaneki was the one that needed a friend, and taking a deep breath Amon pulled Eyepatch into an all-encompassing hug.

It was like a glass barrier between them had been smashed, and Amon clutched Kaneki tighter as he revelled in the embrace.

The hug was not returned, nor was it ignored. Kaneki just clutched tightly at the fabric around Amon's shoulder, and tilted his head to fit against Amon's chest.

'I don't understand you,' Kaneki said in a muffled voice.

A note of humour echoed through Amon's mind. 'That's my line.'

Kaneki felt small and warm between Amon's arms.

'You hate me, don't you?' Kaneki asked quietly.

It was a strong question, one that sounded so accusative even if Kaneki didn't mean it to be, and an automatic denial began to form on Amon's lips, but then he stopped himself. The investigator was beginning to realise he was many things, but above all else he was not a liar.

'Yes,' Amon breathed into the ghoul's white hair.

Kaneki pulled his face away, but Amon held him close, and looked him in the eye as he said, 'But I… I don't want to be away from you.'

Kaneki was still looking at him, then he opened his mouth to say something, but Amon was too quick.

He leant in and caught Kaneki's mouth with his.

He couldn't believe he was doing this.

The air between them, all of time and space and thought, had suddenly vanished. Amon felt like he was in a vacuum, containing nothing but Kaneki and him, and all the passion he had felt for the ghoul, be it good or bad, seemed to erupt within him. Kaneki's lips were pressed against his own, and they were so soft. Amon was clutching his frame so tightly, and everything, for the first time in days, seemed to be making sense. Kaneki had his hands pressed firmly against Amon's ribs, but he didn't object as their tongues met and danced together.

This mouth had eaten human meat, but did it matter? The simple act of a kiss should have been so incredibly wrong, but instead it was so, _so_ right.

'Amon,' Kaneki said, against the investigator's mouth. The investigator held on for one last glorious moment, then they broke apart.

Kaneki's gaze was unwavering. 'Am I… am I just a toy to you? Is this all just a game you're playing?'

Amon tried not to be offended, and felt fierce in his resolve as words formed on his lips.

'Kaneki…' Amon said. 'If I'm honest, I… I don't know what we are to each other. Are we still enemies? I mean, we certainly behave that way…' He let a loose smile form on his lips, but on Kaneki's face there was anything but.

'You mean _you_ behave that way towards _me_.' Kaneki sounded almost stern when he said it, and Amon felt himself flinch.

'Ok, so our relationship is a little fucked up, but you have to know… I am a very serious person, and this is anything, _anything_ , but a game to me.'

Kaneki's expression was unreadable.

'I have to go to work now,' Amon said with a sigh, and he let his physical contact with Kaneki finally break. 'I have to pretend that everything is normal.'

* * *

 _Amon and Kaneki are getting cwtchyyyyyyyyy..._


	17. Aftermath

_Hello…_

 _God, it's been over a year. That just about sums up my levels of procrastination. Sorrrreeeee..._

 _Your comments are all so lovely and positive and I suppose I've felt a massive pressure to provide something good so I've been scared to start this story up again. But anyway, whatever the quality is like, better something than nothing I suppose._

 _Thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed so far. Honestly getting that feedback from you guys has just been a little injection of happiness every time._ _Anyway..._

 _Ai voie la._

 _(Also the new anime series was actually pretty good, wasn't it?)_

* * *

The rising sun was not yet high enough to touch the pavement. The building of the CCG cast a cold shadow over Amon as he trudged towards it. Several people greeted him as he made his way through the RC gates, and he waved back at them absentmindedly.

He felt off balance and light-headed, as if he were walking through a world of bustling investigators and grey hallways that didn't quite feel real. Had he really done everything that his memories were telling him he'd done? Had he saved a ghoul from the very people he worked for when he was supposed to smite any and every ghoul's existence from the face of the earth? Had he really taken that ghoul back to his flat and…

Amon didn't know if the zipping feeling in his stomach was excitement, or the need to be sick, but then he found his hand reaching its way up to touch his lips.

Amon could feel himself heating up in the face, and he ducked down a quieter corridor and leant against the wall.

It was not the first time he'd kissed somebody. As a teenager he'd fleetingly kissed girls at parties, but he'd always been anywhere from slightly to horrifically intoxicated. When he thought about it though, he'd never met anyone in his life that had inspired in him any kind of romantic interest. He'd even felt completely estranged from the whole social construct; dating and romance and sex. It had never interested him in the slightest.

Did he understand now? He didn't remember wanting to kiss Kaneki or deciding to kiss him. He still couldn't quite believe that it'd happened. He just remembered wanting more. Speaking to Kaneki and having him in his flat and even pushing him around hadn't been enough. And kissing him… the kiss they had shared had felt so perfect.

Amon turned around and punched the wall harshly. Pain shot up his arm, but he gritted his teeth and leant his head forward to rest against the grey paintwork. He was a terrible human being. He had a young man locked up in his flat who he'd been punching and hurting… and now he'd kissed him. It was almost sick, wasn't it? He'd definitely physically abused Kaneki… had he now sexually abused him too?

Kaneki hadn't pushed him away. He'd… Amon had _thought_ that Kaneki had kissed him back. Had he wanted it as much as Amon had?

When they'd kissed it'd been like fire was erupting in Amon's veins, and at the same time everything had become beautifully clear and calm. There was so much less confusion within him, but Amon still couldn't help feeling angry.

That damned ghoul. Everything had been much easier before he'd felt any of this. He was seething with hatred towards both the ghoul and himself. It made him want to rush back home and kick his thoughts out into the half-broken boy he'd left lying on his floor. Or kiss them out…

Kick or kiss?

Maybe they were the same thing, because each one was as deprived and disgusting as the other when it came to that damned ghoul.

'Boo!' shouted a voice to Amon's side, followed by a laugh. Amon didn't jump in the slightest but turned around and looked at the source of the voice with bleary eyes. Juuzou Suzuya laughed again, apparently even more entertained by Amon's reaction.

'Amon-san, ohayoooo.'

'Is it?' asked Amon with a flat voice. Suzuya was the last thing he wanted to deal with right now.

And he wasn't alone. Two more faces poked their heads out from round the corner, Shinohara's broad and smiling face, and Takizawa's slimmer one.

'Koutarou! What're you doing hiding down here? Day off to a bad start already?'

Amon nodded somewhat and straightened himself up.

Shinohara asked what was wrong with a concerned tone to his voice, and Amon paused for a moment. He was going to have to lie, something that he took no pride in, but the circumstance required it.

'The raid the other day, I… I blame myself, for the failure of it and Akira getting hurt. If I'd been there…'

'I wouldn't worry yourself, Amon,' said a female voice. Akira's head joined the other three at the end of the corridor. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him shrewdly. 'I can look after myself, even you've said that much. Are you really sure that's what's bothering you?'

Amon saw a smirk dance across her lips.

'Yes,' he said, through gritted teeth, catching her eye and trying to mentally glare at her without doing so much with his features.

'It was an unsuccessful raid. Everyone's sure to feel a bit disheartened,' Shinohara put in, obviously attempting to smooth over the situation.

Juuzou was looking between Akira and Amon, pulling at the stitching in his mouth with a look of apparent interest. Takizawa on the other hand looked like he couldn't be more bored.

'We all tried our best though, didn't we?' Takizawa said, without much conviction. 'I mean, it was an SS rank we were going up against.'

'Ah, but how would you know, Takizawa-kun?' Juuzou sang, focussing his attention on Seidou. 'You were at the back the whole time.' His eyes scrunched up in what could only be described as a patronising smile.

Takizawa flinched and glared at Juuzou, but Shinohara cut in before he could retort.

'I must say, Juuzou,' Shinohara said in his gruff, friendly voice. 'You weren't as fast as you usually are. Normally you'd have a ghoul like that under your thumb in no time.'

'Ahhh, but Shinohara-san,' Suzuya drawled, 'that ghoul's a slippery one, and I couldn't help thinking that his sad expressions suit his entire countenance so much. It'd be a shame to see his head and body separated by my Jason.'

Takizawa spluttered with indignation. 'He had a mask on! How could you possibly know what his expressions looked like?'

' _Your_ expression doesn't flatter you at all,' Juuzou laughed, looking Takizawa up and down and leaning in. 'I'd be happy to cut you up into a way that suits you better…'

'Get away from me, you freak,' Takizawa exclaimed, shuddering. 'I'd like to see _you_ cut up into pieces, just so I could see you attempt to sew yourself back together again.'

' _Anyway_ ,' Shinohara continued, as if his co-workers hadn't just threatened each other with mutilation. 'We're all obviously disappointed that the ghoul got away. But he did have help, after all… not that I blame you, Akira-san,' he added as an after-thought, clearly noticing that both Akira and Amon were even more tense than usual.

'That's alright, Shinohara. It could've been a lot worse. The ghoul that assisted with the escape only pushed me to the ground. He could've easily killed me.' Her gaze did not waver from staring at Amon, and he moved out into the main corridor in an attempt to throw her off.

'Well, all the more reason for us to put in all our efforts now into catching that ghoul, and others of course. Come on, Juuzou,' and with a nod and a wave, Shinohara and Juuzou left down the corridor that Amon had been hiding in.

Akira began tapping her foot, still staring at Amon. 'How long have you been hiding here?' She asked bluntly. 'Afraid to come to our shared office and face me?'

Amon shot daggers at Akira, but there was an interrupting cough from beside them.

'Er...' Takizawa said, glancing between Amon and Akira with apparent intrigue. 'What's up between you two?'

Akira didn't even bother looking at him as she replied. 'It's none of your business, Seidou. Perhaps you should run off and concern yourself with something that is.'

Takizawa clenched his fists, and turning quickly on his heels he walked as fast as he could away from them.

'You're always so mean to him,' Amon commented.

'Don't try and divert the conversation, Amon.'

'I wasn't trying to.'

'And speaking of being mean to others, have you decided what you're going to do with your pet yet?' she asked, as blunt as always.

'He is NOT my pet, Akira.'

'Diverting again.'

Amon let out a sound very close to a growl and punched the wall again. He really didn't want to have this conversation. He couldn't even organise his own thoughts, let alone try and explain them to his irritating subordinate, but it didn't look like she was going to let up any time soon.

* * *

Akira let her eyebrow raise, Amon stood there glaring at her. It was so dramatic she almost found it funny. He was so easy to wind up.

'Akira, he's not my...'

Akira didn't have time for his excuses, and she cut in quickly. 'You can't keep him locked up in your flat forever, Amon.'

Amon took a somewhat shaky breath that really didn't suit him. 'I know.'

'He's a ghoul. He is inherently as evil creature…'

'He is _not_ evil.'

Amon looked as surprised as Akira felt from the level of conviction he had in his voice.

'The nature and habits of ghouls are not up for debate, Amon. That young man is a ghoul, and therefore a threat to humankind.'

'Then why haven't you reported him yet?' Amon said with an edge of malice, leaning in towards her.

Akira paused and considered this. The memory of the private conversation she had had with Eyepatch still lingered in her mind. He had played a part in her father's death, but he had said sorry. He had looked so apologetic that it had cut into Akira's heart and left something there that she couldn't quite discern. Was it forgiveness? Understanding? Either way, she knew that this situation was not just black and white. Amon was misled, somewhat volatile, and clearly confused himself, and she didn't want to jump to any conclusions that she would regret.

'I'd like to speak to the ghoul again,' she said calmly.

'I don't think so…' Amon said, stepping backwards again and folding his arms.

'Oh, I most certainly do,' Akira said, and tapped her finger against her arm. 'I want to understand more about what's going on. It's a complicated situation, and I would assume his story is quite complicated too, given the trauma he's been through…'

'What trauma?' Amon cut in quickly.

'You've said yourself he's a bit unhinged. That kind of psychological state likely arises from one or several traumatic experiences. At least, if he were human then that would be the case. With some interrogation we might find out, but if you won't let me have access to any more information then I'll have no choice but to inform one of our superiors.'

Amon took a deep breath and exhaled angrily.

' _Fine,'_ he spat at her.

'We have a meeting in an hour, but later this afternoon I've signed us off as going out on investigation, and that isn't really a lie after all.'

* * *

 _(I probably should've said this a while ago, but just warning you there are a lot of potentially triggering themes floating around this fic. If any of you are going through anything like what I'm writing about then please talk to somebody about it. You are important, xxx._ _)_


	18. Undiscovered Layers

_Just a short one today. Omg sorry I didn't realise I'd left it so long again! I'll try to be a bit snappier with my updates now._

 _If you've left a review thank you one million times! You're all so lovely and, y'know, it just makes me smile :D. I thought it'd be pretty silent because of how long I'd left it with this story. I really want to finish it but I'm having some trouble with working out where the plot goes... hopefully I'll make it work._

* * *

Akira felt increasingly impatient as she stared at the rather broad back of Amon, who took approximately twenty-six seconds fumbling with the keys for his flat door.

As they entered the apartment block, Amon ushered her quickly into the small entrance hall, making Akira bang her quinque case against the door frame. He looked anxiously up and down the street outside before he closed the door quietly.

'I think you could act a bit more suspicious, Amon. It's not really coming across,' she said dryly, raising an eyebrow at him.

'I'm really not in the mood, Akira.'

They walked up the stairs to the first floor, stopping outside Amon's flat for approximately fifteen seconds whilst he fumbled again trying to locate the correct key.

Whilst he was wasting time doing this there was the sound of a latch, and the door to the opposite flat opened. A little old woman appeared, gazing up at the two investigators with warm, wrinkled eyes.

'Oh, Amon-kun, I hope you're well.' She smiled warmly at him, before turning to Akira. 'Oh! Is this your girlfriend? She is lovely, I must say. Pleased to meet you, young lady.'

Akira nodded with an awkward smile.

'She's a work colleague, Mrs Kai,' Amon said, in what was clearly an attempt at being pleasant.

'Oh lovely, a girlfriend who's also your work colleague.' Akira tried not to laugh as Mrs Kai smiled brilliantly at them. She was incredibly old, but her weathered hands clutched the doorframe with what appeared to be a reasonable amount of strength.

'Do you have guests staying, Amon-kun? I met a young man earlier coming out of your flat.'

Panic shot through Akira, and beside her Amon shouted 'WHAT?' apparently before he could stop himself.

Little Mrs Kai didn't react. She only lifted her hand and fumbled slowly with her hearing aid before continuing.

'He was a lovely young man, actually. I was a little wary at first… he looked almost scary with his bleached hair! But he was very kind. He helped me with my shopping.'

'What…?! Mrs Kai, where did he go?'

'I think he went back into your flat, Amon-kun. Why, there's not a problem, I hope?'

Akira shot a meaningful look at Amon and gestured towards the door, upon which he began quickly fumbling with the keys again. 'He's just a bit ill, Mrs Kai,' Akira said, putting on a smile. 'We told him he shouldn't be up and about for at least the next few days.'

Amon twisted the key in the latch, and before she knew it Akira was being yanked inside by her arm. 'I'm sure he'll be fine though… ow… thank you, Mrs Kai…' she managed to get out.

'Is everything alright?' said a soft male voice from behind them, and both Akira and Amon quickly span around.

Eyepatch was standing in the kitchen, looking between them both with a confused expression.

Amon recovered himself, and quickly ushered the doddery old Mrs Kai back into her own flat, whilst she attempted to wave hello at the ghoul.

'Did you go outside and speak to Amon's neighbour?' Akira asked, although she knew the answer already. Amon huffed angrily.

'Sorry,' Eyepatch said quickly. He looked down at the floor and Akira just caught the muttered words, '…not like I tried to _eat_ her or anything…'

Amon hadn't heard, as he was busy locking the flat door. Akira wasn't quite sure whether she should be affronted or amused at the ghoul's comment. Instead she clutched her briefcase tighter in her hand and tried to take a grasp of the situation.

The last time she'd seen the ghoul she'd thought that his physical condition was improving, but now he looked all the more worse for wear. He had shadows on his face that looked like bruises, as well as large dark circles under his eyes. But at least he was standing up this time. His gaze lifted, and meeting her eye he bowed politely.

'Mado-San, nice to see you again.'

Akira blinked. 'No one calls me Mado. Call me Akira.' The ghoul's politeness had caught her off-guard once again, but she quickly pulled herself together. 'And what am I to call you? Kaneki? Or do you prefer Eyepatch, or Centipede, or just plain old Ken? It seems you have a lot to choose from.'

The ghoul looked a little awkward, but then smiled. 'After the way you've seen me up to this point, you can call me whatever you like so long as it isn't 'crazy'.'

Akira laughed, and was instantly annoyed at herself for doing so. _You're not here to make friends_ , she thought to herself critically.

Amon came forward and Kaneki's eyes flicked towards him.

Akira looked between the two, and then did a complete double take as she saw the look on Amon's face. Did he look... _embarrassed_? He was looking anywhere but at the ghoul, and the room suddenly felt heavy with things hiding just below the surface. Even after everything she had uncovered, there were obviously still layers that were yet to be revealed.

She decided to settle for the most obvious theme of the situation. 'Amon has been trying to convince me not to hand you over to the CCG.'

Kaneki made no move to speak. His eyes were now flicking between both the humans in the room like a pinball machine.

Amon threw his briefcase down on the worktop and glared at a spot on the wall just left of the ghoul. 'You helped her with her shopping?'

Kaneki nodded.

'How did you get out?!'

'You had a spare key in the cutlery draw.'

'And why would a ghoul need to look through my cutlery draw!?' Amon asked loudly, stepping forward.

Akira thought that he was kind of missing the point. 'Why didn't you run if you could get out?'

Eyepatch paused.

'I did think about it.'

'But you still stayed.' Amon now contrastingly spoke in a complete whisper, and finally met the ghoul's eyes. As they looked at each other intently, Akira suddenly felt like she was a gate-crasher to a telepathic conversation they were having.

'I've actually hidden the key that I found, so I can use it again if I want to.'

Amon stepped forward, his anger obviously rising again. 'Well you won't be able to use your stolen key if I bloody tie you up!'

Eyepatch stared at Amon unflinchingly. 'You'd like that, would you?'

Akira would've poked endless amounts of fun at the blush that crept onto Amon's skin at that comment, had the situation not been so absurd already. Now she felt utterly perplexed, not to mention less like a gate-crasher and more like a third wheel. She had mostly been kidding before about her comments relating to the relationship between Amon and Eyepatch, but the more she gaged their behaviour the more she felt like there was some truth to her assertions after all.

'Forget that,' Amon spluttered. 'I could've easily brought the entire CCG back with me.'

'I don't think you'll do that,' Eyepatch said softly.

Their gazes were still locked, and Amon was leaning in closer and closer.

'And why not?' Amon hissed.

'Because they'd kill me.'

'And?'

'And you've already shown that you don't want that,' Eyepatch whispered.

The air between them felt like it was filled with waves of electricity. Akira cleared her throat, and Amon quickly stepped backwards.

'I wanted to stay to talk to you… both of you.' Eyepatch focused his attention on Akira. 'I want to convince you that I'm not inherently evil.'

The conversation Akira had had with the ghoul about her father echoed through her mind.

'Where did you go when you went out?' Amon asked.

Kaneki gestured at a bag of coffee granules on the counter.

And before Akira could blink she, her superior, and an SS rank ghoul, were sitting around a kitchen table in a one-bedroomed Tokyo flat, collectively sipping coffee.


	19. Humans & Ghouls

Akira didn't like wasted words at the best of times, but even she couldn't stand the prolonged and heavily awkward silence that had fallen over the three of them, as they sat around the small kitchen table avoiding each other's gaze.

'I didn't know that ghouls could drink coffee,' she commented, as Eyepatch took a sip from his own mug.

He was, in actual fact, no longer 'Eyepatch', because he was no longer wearing one. Akira still couldn't quite believe that the crazed half-kakuja that had been a worry to all the investigators at the CCG was now just a pleasant-looking young man sitting calmly beside her. He was wearing a set of fairly casual clothes that seemed to be a few sizes too big for him, which she presumed he'd borrowed from Amon; the shredded ghoul attire would obviously have been too conspicuous for him to venture outside in it.

Eyepatch smiled slightly and looked down at his own steaming brew. 'It's the only thing other than… you know… that doesn't taste sickening.' He took a long inhale through his nose and was obviously pleased by the aroma.

'Has your leg healed now?' Akira asked, changing the line of conversation.

Eyepatch looked surprised at the question, as if her showing an interest in his well-being was almost shocking to him. She was partly shocked herself, but that was irrelevant.

'Um, yes, thank you, Akira-san. Although I have to admit I still feel rather weak, which,' he said, interrupting himself with a laugh, 'is probably a relief to you, actually.'

Both Amon and Akira flashed glances at their quinque briefcases that were taking up the unoccupied chair.

'That reminds me, Kaneki. I have to give you another shot of the RC suppressants.' Amon was looking at Kaneki in a peculiar way. 'I'm sure you understand.'

'RC suppressants?' Akira asked, raising an eyebrow. 'And here I was thinking that at any moment his kagune could jump out and impale me in the chest.'

She hadn't meant it as a joke, but the ghoul tried his best to laugh anyway. He did, however, look very tense, and he was clutching hand to his stomach as Amon brought out the things he needed to give the shot.

'And you're alright with that?' she asked Kaneki, who's entire being suggested the complete opposite.

The ghoul nodded, but in a shaky, reluctant way. Then he was smacking his hand to his mouth and the blood was draining from his face.

'If it makes you both feel safer... but please,' he said through muffled fingers as he stuck out his arm, 'just do it quickly.'

And Amon did just that. Akira couldn't help being mildly surprised that the guy who'd spent over one third of a minute unlocking a door could so quickly prepare and administer an injection.

'Now, let's cut to the chase, shall we?' Amon muttered, sitting back down.

'You want to talk to us,' Akira stated, in an attempt at encouragement.

Kaneki nodded, holding his mug of coffee like it was keeping him alive.

'You're both investigators, and I'm a ghoul.'

Akira couldn't help but think that was only pointing out the painfully obvious, but she let him continue. He looked almost embarrassed, like he didn't know where to begin.

'There's always murder between humans and ghouls, but... what if it doesn't have to be like that. I know you've both lost people because of ghouls, and I know that ghouls are the problem. Ghouls exist, and if they didn't...'

''They'?' Akira put in, frowning.

'If _we_ didn't exist,' Kaneki continued, 'I know you wouldn't both have lost people close to you, or have to go on fighting every day for your own safety...'

He sighed, and looked up at the two of them. He was completely right. Akira had lost so much to ghouls, as had Amon. And yes, Kaneki has shown some measure of kindness and remorse, but it didn't mean she could jump so quickly to the belief that humans and ghouls could _co-exist._ She almost wanted to laugh.

'Listen.' The ghoul's shoulders had relaxed somewhat, and he leant forward meaningfully as he continued. 'I know two people who are boyfriend and girlfriend, despite the fact that she's a human and he's a ghoul. Even _I_ wouldn't have imagined it could work before I met them, but... it does.'

'And she knows?' Akira asked, who didn't want to take her eyes from Kaneki in case he showed any sign of lying. From her peripheral vision she could see that Amon was also staring just as intently.

'Yeah, she knows, and it seems like she loves him anyway. I've seen them together, and they'd do anything for each other. He nearly died once because he was protecting her from another ghoul. And a time before that she let him take a bite out of her because he got hurt.'

Akira couldn't believe it. Everything she knew refused to let her. If her dad had been sat there with them, he would've laughed and said that a person may love roast chicken, but they would never go to the lengths of marrying it. And how could a woman love someone who at any point could turn on her? Akira had of course heard rumours of half-ghouls in the past, born from a human and a ghoul, but it was all surely just myth. And even if it wasn't, love wasn't a requirement when it came to making a baby.

'I'm telling you this,' Kaneki continued, 'because it's proof. Humans and ghouls can live in harmony together, and... love each other.'

The ghoul had been looking at Akira, but he quickly flashed a look at Amon, who immediately coughed deeply and sat upright in his chair. Akira narrowed her eyes at him before turning back to Kaneki.

'So, basically what you're saying is that you want peace between humans and ghouls,' Akira confirmed.

Kaneki shrugged. 'In summary, yes.'

'Akira only does summaries,' Amon put in, his voice uncharacteristically light. 'She doesn't bother watching films or reading books either. She just reads the synopsises on the internet.'

The ghoul, who had still been clutching his coffee mug, let go of it and laughed. It was a pleasant and soft sound, now he and Amon were looking at each other and almost smiling, at her expense, no less.

'Well, you aren't wrong, Amon. Kaneki here seems to have a way of making a point by spinning it into a narrative, which I'm sure is very effective and charming, but I prefer to get straight to the point. And anyway, what you've just told us sounds very much like a ghoul simply grooming a human, getting close to them and gaining their confidence, so they have a back-up if food is scarce.'

Kaneki stopped smiling and sighed. 'I'll be honest with you, Akira. This particular ghoul that I know is very... well, he's an acquired taste.'

'Interesting turn of phrase for a half-kakuja,' Amon muttered, and, was - was the ghoul smiling again?

'I mean,' Kaneki continued, 'his personality isn't always particularly amicable. He can be quite hard and cold, and yes, his girlfriend for him was originally an emergency food source. But over time they've fallen in love, and honestly, when he's around her it's like he's a different person. He's happier, and kinder.'

'What are their names?' Akira asked quickly.

But Kaneki looked at her with something close to a smirk. 'Nice try, Akira-san.'

It was worth a shot, she thought, as she sat back in her chair. She had decided she didn't like this conversation in the slightest. It was inconsequential and incorrect. Ghouls and humans could never live together in harmony. And this 'couple' that Kaneki was telling them about...

Well, Kaneki wasn't lying, Akira was certain of that. Was this just a peculiar kind of ghoul sat before her, who saw love and happiness where there was none? Maybe he was lying to himself. She almost wanted to meet this boyfriend and girlfriend and see this so called 'love' for herself, but she knew that Kaneki would never agree to divulging their identities.

She _hated_ not knowing things, and she was just meditating on that fact when a question resurfaced in her mind.

'So, you aren't saving your 'friend' for a back-up then?' She raised an eyebrow and folded her arms. 'You gave me his name when you came to the CCG, 'Nagachika Hideyoshi'. He works at the CCG, but perhaps you didn't know that.'

Akira was watching the ghoul very closely, and she couldn't deny that he looked appalled. 'I would never… to Hide? How can you even suggest that?' He took a breath. 'He works at the CCG?'

'He's been putting up missing-persons posters of you for weeks,' Amon said in confirmation.

'I hope he's alright,' Kaneki mumbled. He looked very saddened as he continued. 'And I'm not _grooming_ him in the slightest. I can't even be friends with him anymore. I don't want him to get hurt, and the life I lead now is far from safe.'

'Why was it ok to be friends with him before then, but not now?'

Kaneki was looking at her in a way that was almost calculating, but he didn't answer.

There are still things he's not telling us, she decided.

'You were close then, were you?' Amon asked, who suddenly had a somewhat sullen note in his voice.

Kaneki nodded.

'How close?'

'He was my best friend.'

'How 'best'?'

'And can I confirm that Nagachika is in fact a human,' Akira put in, trying to take back a hold on the conversation. 'He's not just tricking us like you did when you walked through the RC scanners?'

'He's human.'

'And how _did_ you get through the scanners?'

Kaneki just looked away and shook his head.

Akira stood up and pressed her hands against the table. 'You're being deliberately deceptive, Mr Kaneki. Mr-I'm-a-nice-ghoul-please-like-and-trust-me.

Akira was surprised to see the ghoul look slightly saddened and say very quietly, 'You don't like me?'

'That's irrelevant. How am I supposed to believe any of this?

She was tired, and she needed to process all of this.

She _wanted_ to believe Kaneki. She really did. Believe him when he said that ghouls felt everything that humans do, and that everything she'd been taught... everything her father had taught her, was wrong. Yes, they weren't killing each other now, but that wasn't enough.

No, she wasn't about to about to throw away all her beliefs and understanding of the world - her entire livelihood, on the word of a ghoul.

And they were talking calmly now, but it didn't prove that all humans and ghouls could get along.

'I'm going to leave,' she said, before either of them could think of something to say. They were looking at her with complicated expressions, but she had neither the time nor the energy to decipher their current thoughts.

* * *

Kaneki and Amon hadn't stopped Akira when she'd grabbed her quinque and left like a leaf travelling on a 70 mile-an-hour wind. Kaneki had thought for a moment that he had been getting through to her. She had a more intelligent and logical head on her shoulders than Amon did, and behind her cool exterior he thought he could see a deep sense of empathy, but apparently she wasn't going to budge.

As the afternoon had turned to evening and a light drizzle of rain had started falling from the sky, Kaneki decided he had been too hopeful to expect complete understanding straight away anyway. He would just have to talk to her again and not give up. She just needed to leave and have here own space to think about things.

The flat was dark and shadowed now, and despite its cosy size felt very empty with just the two of them left in it.

Kaneki glanced at Amon, as the investigator leant against the kitchen counter, his back to the darkening clouds outside. It was strange, but he hadn't wanted Akira to leave. Was it because he was scared? Was he frightened of Amon?

Amon was half of the reason he wanted to stay. The idea of never seeing him again, and even worse the investigator thinking that Kaneki was just a good-for-nothing ghoul, made Kaneki even more terrified.

Maybe it wasn't fear he was feeling. Maybe there was just an awkward air between them because of what had happened the last time they'd been alone.

 _'Well, you're not alone NOW, so don't be getting any ideas.'_

Kaneki flinched, and turned around to look at the doorway to the living room. Rize stepped out of it, her long hair falling elegantly about her face whilst a playful smile decorated her lips.

When he'd gone out to get the coffee she'd been whispering the whole time about how he should eat the old woman, regain his strength, and run off whilst he still had the chance. Kaneki could sometimes convince himself that he liked Rize until she suggested stuff like that. Kaneki had ignored her. There wasn't one tiny part of his consciousness that would want to kill that old woman in cold blood and sacrifice everything he'd accomplished in convincing the two investigators that he wasn't an evil murderer.

Kaneki also chose to ignore the tiny voice in his head that told him Rize was a part of his consciousness too.

Amon had looked up quickly when Kaneki had, but Kaneki pretended the sudden movement was a stretch, and Amon only looked suspicious for a moment.

'How're you feeling?' said the tall investigator.

Kaneki blinked. It was too ordinary a question. 'Fine.'

 _'Kaneki. PLEASE. What in the name of all that is bloody, fleshy, and delectable have you turned into?'_ Rize threw her head back and let out a piercing laugh. ' _You look SO pitiful nowadays, I almost want to cry.'_

Kaneki sighed and looked at her with as much loathing as he could muster. When Amon wasn't looking he mouthed the words 'feel free'.

 _'Oh, there he is! My so-called little fighter.'_ She walked forwards, and bending down, reached out a hand and caressed his cheek. ' _Kaneki,'_ she asked, in a voice as soft as a kiss in the dark, 'w _hy are you even still here?'_

Kaneki looked her in the eye, and just as quickly looked away. Was he really just being weak? He was trying to do the right thing, trying to convince the investigators. He had a unique position, being both human and ghoul, and he wanted to do fix the wrong in the world, even though he knew that he needed a lot of fixing himself.

And yet, despite that, Amon wanted him. Kaneki knew that much for certain. Amon liked having him around, for better or worse, and Kaneki couldn't deny that he didn't like that. Being wanted by and having even the slightest brush of touch from another living thing felt so validating… like it was proof that he was in fact real, and not just some entity in the grey haze that was his life.

Amon had kissed him, and once Kaneki had let go of his fear and his defensiveness he had realised that he did indeed like it himself. When Amon had pulled him close and with his strong arms hugged Kaneki tightly against him, he had felt like a complete person, if it was only just for a moment. And when Amon had cried onto his shoulder and breathed into his hair, Kaneki had felt an electric tingle deep inside his stomach that wanted to set itself ablaze.

Kaneki had learnt how to show and exert strength, but with Amon he didn't need to be strong. Amon didn't need protecting. He had seen Kaneki at his weakest points, and yet he still wanted to hold him close.

Amon, of course, had his own faults, and Kaneki wondered if the investigator would ever be able to let go of his prejudices and judgements. If Kaneki had seen Amon treating anyone else the way he had treated Kaneki, he would have presumed Amon to be an inherently evil, malicious, and violent person. But, Amon cared about him, didn't he?

Amon stepped forward abruptly and stooped into a low bow. 'I have to apologise, Eyepatch. I'm ashamed of my actions towards you, and I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Last night, I let myself get carried away, and…'

'Amon, you don't have to…' Kaneki said with a sigh. 'You apologised like this when we were stuck under the rubble. You don't have to feel guilty…'

Kaneki snuck a glance at Rize. She had her arms folded and her eyebrows raised, but was otherwise silent.

'I'm so sorry, Eyepatch, for everything that's happened. I wish that I'd never chased after you in those tunnels and that everything could be back to how it was. It's my fault…'

'You wish we'd never met?' Kaneki asked quietly.

Amon tilted his head up to look Kaneki in the eye. 'Well, we'd already met before we got stuck there together. And I have to admit, ever since that moment, when I saw you crying, I've wanted to know more about you, Eyepatch.'

' _Please_ , call me Kaneki,' he said, hearing the desperation in his own voice.

Amon straightened up. 'I'm sorry, Kaneki.'

'I'm sorry too, for giving you all this trouble.'

'I…' Amon started, and then let out a breathy laugh. Kaneki had heard the investigator laugh so infrequently that he was partially stunned by the outburst. 'You are trouble. I couldn't stop thinking about you all morning when I was at work.'

'Me neither,' Kaneki said, before he'd even thought about it, and he had to admit that it was true.

' _Just spit it out,'_ Rize hissed. _'Don't skirt around the issue. Ask him why he kissed you.'_

Kaneki stopped and took a deep breath. 'The... kiss.' Kaneki uttered quietly. 'It was the first thing for a very long time that just felt… right.'

Amon's eyes were wide, and they were staring at Kaneki. 'That's exactly what I thought!' He looked at Kaneki with elated disbelief for a moment, before he suddenly became very serious again. 'I've been so confused. I know I've treated you like shit, ok? I know that. And you're a ghoul for christ's sake. I'm half surprised you haven't just slashed you kagune at me and had done with it.' He pinched the brow of his nose and scrunched his eyes up tightly. 'My thoughts and actions have been so messed up, but for that one moment with you everything seemed to stop and become calm. And... at the same time, I've never felt more alive.' Amon seemed to have realised how much he was going on and stopped talking with a look of embarrassment.

' _Ugh. What a drag,' Rize put in indignantly. 'He doesn't mean it, Kaneki. He's being all cute and meek now, but almost every other moment you've spent together he's treated you like crap. He just wants to have some fun with his little toy.'_

'So,' said Amon, frowning, 'Does this mean that you… liked it?'

Kaneki smiled, ever so slightly, and nodded.

' _Pfff.'_

Kaneki shot Rize a look, and all of a sudden felt a great surge of defiance against her. She was laughing at him crudely, raising her chin in that self-satisfied and arrogant way she had. She was clever, yes, but she wasn't always right.

Daring seized Kaneki by the throat, and before it could die inside him he stepped forward and reached up to press his lips against Amon's.

The investigator froze, and Kaneki pushed him up against the counter as out of the corner of his eye he saw the look of fury on Rize's face.

Again, everything in the world seemed to stop, and it was just Kaneki and the thing he was kissing. Amon, with his tall frame and firm chest, and the taste of him that was so sweet and so _human_ filling Kaneki's mouth and almost making it water. Kaneki wanted to consume him in any way possible, and Amon seemed to want the same too. He was kissing Kaneki back, and reaching his hand around to rub the small of Kaneki's back beneath the baggy t-shirt.

But then Kaneki felt a soft but firm hand on his shoulder, and he was pushed just enough so that their contact broke. Amon was breathing quickly, and his eyes were scanning every inch of Kaneki's face.

Then there was another interruption, not in the form of an angry, purple-haired, bespectacled ghoul, but in a reverberating rumble that emanated from Amon's stomach.

Kaneki let out a breath of laughter. 'I bet you're glad that's not my stomach.'

He felt delighted when Amon laughed too. _I made him laugh,_ he though happily.

'I bet your pathetic ghoul body wouldn't be able to stop itself. Either that or you'd be talking with the wall or something about whether or not you should eat me,' Amon said with humour in his voice. Kaneki laughed in response, although his smile now felt a little more strained.

'I haven't eaten all day,' Amon continued, gesturing to the cupboard behind him. 'D'you mind if I make some food?'

Kaneki shook his head, and retreated to the kitchen table to watch silently. Rize had vanished, and didn't appear again for the rest of the evening. Only when Kaneki was lying down to go to sleep on the sofa under a blanket did the words 'pathetic ghoul' echo at the back of his mind, although from whose voice the words came he couldn't be quite sure.

* * *

 _A nice long chapter this time. Thanks for the reviews guys, love youuuuuu. (No but seriously please review it gives me both inspiration and fuel for writing... and life!) (So dramatic.) (Btw where are people all from? Kind of curious.)_


	20. Calm Before the Storm

The sun had barely risen in the sky when Kaneki opened his eyes the next morning. He sighed and stretched, his feet hanging off the end of the sofa at an angle.

He could hear the faint rise and fall of Amon's chest as he slept soundly in the adjoining bedroom. Kaneki didn't want to get out from under the warm blanket, but he didn't want to just lie there not doing anything either. He pulled it over his shoulders like a shawl and swung his legs around to sit up.a

Amon's living room was, compared to the rest of the flat, reasonably spacious. It had a large window that looked out into the street beyond, where a large pile of the overheard wiring that decorated Tokyo was just about visible. Amon had a large screen TV sat neatly inside a dresser, on top of which were several photo frames.

Kaneki walked forward. The most prominent photo was one of Amon and his former partner, Akira's father. The older man looked just as crazed as ever and Kaneki shivered slightly as he remembered the manic glint in his eye. Behind stood a class photo, presumably from the CCG. Amon, one of the tallest in the group, looked determined and almost exactly like the Amon that Kaneki knew now. But then beside it there was a school photograph of a very young Amon, one who was smiling and looked more genuinely happy than Kaneki had ever seen him.

It was funny, really. Kaneki was always so painfully aware of his own cracked emotions, but he sometimes forgot that other people could be sad too. God, it made complete sense when he thought about it; Amon's behaviour was not that of a happy individual.

There was a fourth photo frame, but this one had been placed facing downwards on the dresser. Kaneki tentatively lifted the corner to be met by, yet again, another young and smiling Amon-face, although this time there was a man standing beside him. It was an older gentleman, and he had his hand around Amon's shoulder in a casual sign of affection.

Kaneki placed it back down carefully and turned his attention to the bookcase. Amon didn't have a lot of volumes, and the ones that he did have were mostly informative books about ghouls or instruction manuals. There were a couple of the classics, and Kaneki let his finger lightly trace the broken spine of one from top to bottom. He imagined Amon reading it, and it made him smile.

It was funny, because they didn't really know each other very well at all. They only ever talked about ghouls or investigating. Kaneki didn't know any of the inane facts about Amon that good friends always knew about each other, like his favourite number, or colour, or his favourite place to go holiday. Even things like where he was born were a mystery.

Kaneki turned and looked once again around the room. Other than some miscellaneous art on the walls there wasn't much else of any real interest. He walked into the kitchen, which he had already explored when he was looking for the spare key, and decided to brew himself a coffee. It was when he was taking a glance in the fridge that he noticed a suspicious looking package in the bottom draw.

His eyes widened when he smelt the oozing red liquid that was seeping out of one of the sides. He hadn't even noticed Amon bringing it in here. Clearly it was once again acquired from the CCG; it even had a stamp on the wrappings to prove it. Kaneki took it out with both hands and took a long and beautiful sniff. Then he peeled back one of the sides to see the shiny red flesh.

He didn't even think twice as he took a bite, then another, and another. Then, deciding that he'd prefer Amon to not see him eat it anyway, he finished every last tantalising morsel. A little voice in his head told him he was sick and twisted, but he didn't see any alternative at this point, and he at least _liked_ to think that the CCG didn't get their human meat supplies in any dubious ways.

The kettle boiled, and he made his coffee, disposing of the meat wrappings as he waited for it to brew. Kaneki had finished two cups, then pulled a book from the shelf and read until Amon stirred. He plodded into the kitchen in his baggy pyjamas with a scrunched-up expression and plonked himself down at the table.

'My dream was so weird,' he said casually. 'I was… kind of submerged in this massive vat of syrup, and Mrs Kai was there in a lab coat trying to force-feed it to me, whilst I was trying not to _drown_ in it. Then you poked your head over the edge and asked me why I wasn't in my CCG uniform, and I found it really funny.' Amon yawned and scratched his chest as he stretched. 'I think I was convinced that _you_ were the investigator and _I_ was the ghoul, for some reason. Yuck!' He shook his head and rubbed at one of his eyes. 'Did you dream anything?'

Kaneki had a vague recollection of thudding footsteps in the dark, with scuttling legs running over a tiled floor, but he just shook his head. He was, quite frankly, more than a little distracted anyway.

Amon just smelt amazing… like a more pungent version of himself, in a way that almost made Kaneki's mouth water. And his hair was all tousled and he looked almost adorable with his comfy-looking clothes and bleary-looking eyes. Normally Amon was this sharp and smart, tall and brooding muscle-man, with a jaw bone that could cut glass. Kaneki couldn't deny he didn't find him good-looking usually, but there was something about him now that just looked so much more… cuddly.

'Anyway, sorry. I should have said morning.' Amon gave Kaneki a long look. 'You know, I actually quite like having you here. Normally it's just the flat all to myself, and it can get a little lonel… boring, you know. I am half surprised that you're still here though.'

Kaneki shrugged, pulling the blanket closer about him and deciding not to comment. 'I was wondering… it's your day off today, right? D'you fancy maybe going out somewhere and getting out of this flat for a bit?'

The words had tumbled out of his mouth and instantly he half regretted them. Was that kind of thing allowed? Were they actually allowed to enjoy each other's company? And, well, it wasn't a _date._ Neither of them was normal enough for it to be anything as ordinary as a date. Although, thought Kaneki, with a kind of macabre mirth, the last date he'd been on had certainly been _far_ from ordinary.

Amon was clearly still too sleepy to go all tense and broody like he normally would have done, but he still looked more than a little doubtful at the impulse to venture outside. 'Is that really the best idea?'

Kaneki shrugged again, trying to play it cool. 'I was just thinking we could go somewhere and chat. Get some fresh air, you know.'

'I'm not sure…'

'I _promise_ that you can trust me not to hurt anyone. I've eaten what you left in the fridge too, so I'm not hungry or anything either.'

'Oh, you found it then. I was going to give that to you today.'

'Thanks for getting it for me.'

They fell into silence, which Amon broke when he asked if Kaneki would mind making him a coffee. 'You make it really well. In fact, I don't think I've ever had better.'

Kaneki could feel the pleased smile radiating from his face and the… _no,_ he was _not_ going to blush.

'It turns out that ghouls can actually have some skills, who knew!' Amon laughed loudly and got up to make himself some toast.

Kaneki busied himself with boiling the kettle, but something about Amon's words irked him slightly. 'Do you think that all ghouls are good at doing is killing people or something?'

'What? No, I mean, well obviously not when I think about it, 'cause you were a university student, weren't you? It's just, generally they're not the most accomplished of people.'

Kaneki sniffed, the rank scent of the singeing bread attacking his nostrils. He decided to change the direction of the conversation. 'So, do you want to go out then? Even just for a quick walk or something?'

Amon huffed and puffed a little bit more as he ate breakfast, but eventually he agreed. He showered and got dressed, then offered Kaneki a towel and a change of clothes for him to do the same. It all felt freakishly normal, until Kaneki emerged from the bathroom in a borrowed pair of trousers and a shirt that was far too big for him to find the so called 'eyepatch ghoul' standing in the living room.

Kaneki was so shocked that he yelled and stepped backwards into the bathroom, clutching the door frame with all his might. 'What the hell are you doing?'

Amon looked extremely embarrassed beneath the leering mask. He reached around desperately for the clip holding it on. 'How do you… without… seeing…'

'Here,' Kaneki said, walking forward and now actually wanting to laugh at Amon, who was so obviously flustered. He batted Amon's fumbling hand away, pulling the ghoul mask off to reveal an extremely red-faced human.

'I'm so sorry. I just… it was on the floor over there and it caught my eye. And I…'

'Did you want to see what you would look like as a ghoul?' Kaneki asked. He was trying with all his might not to laugh, but he could feel his eyes and cheeks bunching up regardless.

Amon didn't seem to find anything funny. 'No! That's absurd, I just…' He sighed.

Kaneki couldn't hold back his laughter now, despite covering his mouth with his hand. He desperately wanted Amon to join in, to laugh too. Even put the mask back on and be silly with it for a bit, but Amon was actually starting to look annoyed.

'It's just after that stupid dream I had where I was a shitty ghoul, I was curious. I was trying to see things from your perspective.'

'Er, then, did it help?'

'No.'

'Oh.'

There was a very long pause.

'Well,' Kaneki said, taking time over his words, still unable to hide the humour in his voice. ' _I_ think you looked _lovely_ …'

'Oh, just shut it,' Amon snapped, and Kaneki's smile fell from his face, shattering as it hit the chequered tile floor. He suddenly felt very small, and quickly hid the mask out of sight behind his back. Amon's mood towards him was like flicking a switch, and Kaneki more than anything wanted to leave the light on at this point. 'Sorry,' he whispered, and after a long moment Amon seemed to look mollified.

They turned away from each other quickly to put their shoes on. Within minutes they were heading out the door, with Kaneki's hair still wet from the shower. The rain the previous night had cleared the air, making it cool and crisp. Amon had leant Kaneki a warm coat, one that was far too big for him but did the job well enough, but he almost didn't need it. The autumn sunlight felt pleasant on his skin as they walked along in silence.

It was still early for a Saturday, and there were only a few other people wandering the streets. Amon lived within walking distance on the CCG, but they headed instead towards the nearest park. It wasn't until they were under the orange leaves of the trees that Kaneki plucked up the courage to ask Amon about the hidden photograph. Surprisingly Amon stayed relatively calm, and began actually talking about his childhood and the ghoul who he'd looked up to as a father figure.

Kaneki honestly found it altogether rather shocking.

'The CCG got him in the end. He's in Cochlea now. Actually, they've been organising a lot more empty cells lately. I think, since you got away that time, they really want to crack down on the ghouls in Tokyo.'

'What are they going to do?' Kaneki asked quickly, worry flaring in his belly.

Amon shook his head. 'I'm not sure they have any precise leads yet. I think they're just anticipating a big raid pretty soon.'

Logging that in the back of his mind for later, Kaneki continued asking all the questions he could think to ask, and they actually laughed as they walked along together.

It had just started to drizzle with rain when Kaneki had an ingenious idea. Gingerly he reached over and took Amon's hand in his.

Immediately the investigator snapped his head up and looked around incase anyone could see. It was unclear whether this was an insecurity about people seeing Amon holding hands with a man, people seeing Amon showing _any_ external affection _,_ or Amon holding hands with _Kaneki,_ but Kaneki squeezed it slightly and pulled Amon in the direction of the park exit.

'I know somewhere warm and dry we can go.'

'Where?'

'Trust me, it's really nice. We can stay there until the rain stops, and then go back to the flat.' Kaneki paused and felt he perhaps still shouldn't be presumptuous. 'If you want me to come back, that is.'

Amon did half a squeeze back, then cleared his throat and suddenly became very interested in his shoes. 'Yes, I want you to come back.'

Kaneki nodded, even though Amon wasn't looking at him to see it. The investigator let their hands fall away from each other as he followed Kaneki through the grey Tokyo streets to a little warmly-lit shop. Inside were rows and rows of hardback books. Colourful covers overflowed into uniform volumes of brown leather engraved with gold, and Kaneki was embraced by all of it as he pushed open the door. The smell was a mixture of knowledge and escape and adventure and people, perfectly blended with the aroma of the coffee from the shop's cafe.

He looked across at Amon who had followed him in there. The investigator was looking at him very strangely.

'What?' Kaneki whispered, immediately adopting his quiet 'library' voice.

'You look so…' and Amon smiled at him and laced his into Kaneki for the entire world to see. 'You just look so happy.'


	21. The Truth

_All Kaneki could see was a black and white checkered floor. His head was in his lap, and the squares that should have been a perfect black and white had a sickeningly pink tinge. It was quiet, and he was quiet. He couldn't move. He could barely bring himself to speak. He was stuck there and he was tired and lonely and cold and so, so weak._

 _Yamori had picked him because he was weak, because it was fun to watch him scream in pain and grow to hate himself._

 _'I didn't need you for that,' Kaneki spat onto the ground. 'I hated myself enough already.'_

 _But then there was a footstep on the tiled floor, and another and another. The sound of clippers filled his ears as something wriggled within the depths of his mind, and an acidic taste filled his mouth and spilled out onto the floor._

 _'Please... please... I'll do anything...'_

 _'Kaneki...'_

 _Amon was there. He sounded very far away, but he was there, and calling his name. There were hands on his shoulders now, and they were trying to pull him upright._

 _'Kaneki...'_

 _He didn't want to look up. He didn't want to see that leering smile staring down at him. He wanted to be free of everything. He wanted to sleep._

 _He was wet, was it blood? It was running down his neck and onto his trousers, and it stank._

 _'Wake up!'_

Kaneki opened his eyes. He was curled in a ball on the floor beside a sofa where he'd… yes, he'd gone to sleep there again the night before.

Amon was leaning over him.

'You've been sick, Kaneki. Let me pull you up.'

'Amon?'

'Get... up...'

Amon's voice sounded strained and impatient. The hands were firmly pulling at his shoulders, and he couldn't bear it.

'Don't touch me, please,' Kaneki muttered into the carpet that he could now feel beneath his cheek.

'Your lying in your own vomit, Kaneki. Please sit up so I can sort you out.'

Kaneki felt the hands pull at him again. He hated it. He couldn't do anything to pull the hands away because he didn't have any fingers, but he knew that Amon was telling him to get up for a good reason. He let the hands pull him into a sitting position, and then into a standing. He was shaking now, and he felt dizzy and dazed. The room around him was dark, with only the window letting in light from the city outside.

He clutched his arms around his middle, but now Amon's hands were pulling at them too.

'You're a state, Kaneki. Jesus. You need to get in the shower.'

'I can't move.'

'Don't be silly. Strip these clothes off and lets get you cleaned up.'

The hands were pulling and pulling and Kaneki felt himself close in more tightly towards himself. He just wanted to pass out and stop thinking. He didn't want to be here. He was embarrassed and lonely and cold. He just wanted to sleep.

No, he didn't want to sleep. Yamori wasn't here, but if Kaneki closed his eyes he could come striding into his thoughts once again. Into his consciousness.

'I haven't got any fingers.'

Rize was nowhere to be seen. She hadn't been there in the dream either. He wanted her to tell Amon to leave him alone.

'Kaneki... let... me... CHRIST. Let me take this off you, you damned ghoul.'

'Rize, tell him I can't move. I'm tied to a chair.' His own voice sounded very far away. Was he speaking at all? He wanted to sleep. 'No. No sleep. I have to stay awake. Count? He said I should count. That always made these things slow down. Backwards.'

'Don't you bloody dare start counting,' Amon huffed, grabbing hold of his wrists and trying to pull his top off.

'Don't! No!' He didn't want Amon to feel his hands. They weren't hands now, they were stumps, and he was embarrassed. Amon wouldn't want to hold his hand if they weren't there at all. He wouldn't want to kiss him if he was weak and mutilated.

Amon wanted to strip his clothes off. Yamori had wanted that too. Yamori had done that. He'd filled him with pain and left him to bleed in the room, strapped to a chair, as the centipedes ate his mind, all because he was _weak_.

'Why do you have to be so strange?' Amon cried, almost sounding sad. 'You're already a spot on my slate being a friggin ghoul, why do you have to be so crazy as well?'

'Just leave me alone,' Kaneki muttered, but Amon heard him.

'I can't, can I.'

The hands wouldn't let go off him. 'Leave me alone. Why not? Let go. Why can't you let go...'

'Exactly! EXACTLY!' Amon yelled his words across the room and kicked the sofa in utter rage. 'Why do _you_ have such a hold over me? I'm risking everything, _everything_ that I've built for myself because of you.'

Kaneki couldn't make sense of it. Amon was screaming at him. Did Amon hate him? He was in Amon's flat, but why?

As his eyes adjusted to the room around him he felt little bit of comprehension dawn on him, and he felt his mind wake up a little. Yamori's hold on him eased, and he looked about the room. He'd stayed here, in Amon's flat. He wanted to make the investigators see that ghouls weren't evil. He wanted to bring peace between everybody.

Someone was laughing. They were laughing so much it was almost annoying. Kaneki wanted to tell them to shut up. What was so unbelievably funny? He could feel tears in his eyes, and he couldn't tell if it was from sadness, or frustration, or just pure mirth.

Wait, _he_ was the one who was laughing. It was hilarious. He loved so much to play the hero, didn't he? He was so self-righteous in his actions, but deep down he knew his real motivations. Bring peace between humans and ghouls? It was a load of rubbish. Rize wasn't there to be straight with him, so he'd have to be straight with himself. He'd stayed with Amon, in the dove's apartment, because he...

He was crying now, and twisting his arms about like a child. And it was so pathetic, because he just wanted to be loved.

Everything he did, it was because he wanted to be loved. He didn't want to lose his friends, because to lose that love would mean an abyss of nothingness would stretch out before him. He let Amon do whatever the hell he wanted to him and he stayed with him because he just wanted to be loved. And it was pathetic. Pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic...

'...pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic. You _pathetic_ excuse for a person. _Pathetic_ excuse for a ghoul...'

'What are you talking about!?' Amon was shouting now, and suddenly Kaneki felt a violent slap against his face. He didn't fall over, because Amon was holding him by the scuff of the neck. Kaneki was sobbing and Amon was shouting as he pulled Kaneki into the middle of the room and ripped the clothes from his body.

Kaneki let him do it. He stopped fighting and shouting and tried not to think as the investigator ripped his sick-sodden trousers off with his bare hands and then pulled Kaneki's t-shirt over his head.

Then the pulling stopped. The touching stopped, and Kaneki was standing unsupported in the middle of the room. Amon was kneeling, he now realised, and he was transfixed on Kaneki's stomach.

Kaneki was shivering in nothing but his underwear, staring down at Amon who in turn was staring at Kaneki.

Amon let the ripped t-shirt he was holding fall to the floor. 'I don't understand.'

Kaneki looked down and tried to see what Amon was seeing. A naked man, who stank of vomit, and who was shivering almost uncontrollably.

'How... how have you got a scar?'

Kaneki's mind felt cold and clear, like he'd just been thrown into a lake of ice. Amon was looking at the scar on his stomach.

'Ghouls can get scars,' Kaneki said, as if that would quell the conversation entirely.

Amon was staring at the scar, leaning in slightly to see it in the dim light. 'Like that? Ghouls can get scars like that? It looks deep, and…' his hand reached up and lightly traced the raised skin tissue, 'there are lines from where there used to be stitches. Why would a ghoul need stitches?'

Kaneki felt strange, standing so still with Amon's fingers resting on his hip. He looked away and out of the window as Amon continued to talk.

'There are so many things about you that don't make sense, Kaneki. There are so many questions that I keep pushing to the back of my mind. Please.' Amon was being very placid now, almost as if he was talking to a puppy who had hurt its paw. 'Please, Kaneki. Just give me a straight answer.'

Amon's hand fell away, and almost as if it had been the last piece of Kaneki's energy holding him up, he sank down onto the floor. Now he and Amon were both level, both kneeing, and both silent. Confusion was hanging in the air between them, and when Kaneki spoke it seemed to cut through all the barriers between them both.

'I used to be human.'

Nothing moved. Anyone looking in on them would have thought they were looking at a photograph. There was nothing but silence and Kaneki felt like he had to say it again just in case he hadn't said anything at all.

'I'm not a ghoul, not a real one anyway. I was born a human, but now I'm something in-between.'

Kaneki was scared to look, scared to see the expression on Amon's face, but he did.

He had not expected what he saw. Instead of a furrowed brow like the waves of a violent sea, Amon face looked remarkably tranquil, and his mouth was turned up at the corners in a peculiar way, almost as if he was…

'Why are you smiling?'

Amon looked Kaneki in the eye, then back down at his scar.

'I don't know.'

'Do you think I'm joking?'

Amon blinked, and his face became neutral. 'That hadn't even crossed my mind.'

'Then why…?'

'I feel awkward, I suppose, I…'

Now it seemed like Amon's emotions were finally catching up with him. His eyes were looking down and moving quickly from side to side, like someone had shoved a very confusing document under his nose that he had to read as fast as he could.

'Wait, no. How can you be human? You're a ghoul. You _eat_ humans. I've seen you, I have my _own_ scar on my shoulder to prove it. People can't turn into ghouls. That's not how the world works.'

'I'm not lying Amon, and I'm not mistaken. My mother and father were both human, and so was I until very, very recently.'

There was one word forming on Amon's lips, and Kaneki knew it was coming long before he said it.

'How?'

Kaneki opened his mouth, and the words seemed to flow out of him like water. He slumped backwards to lean against the sofa, and as he spoke things seemed to flash across his head like headlines in a newspaper.

'Uni… date… Rize… Kanou... Transplant… Ghoul… Coffee… Yamori… Rize…'

Kaneki had noticed Amon tense up considerably as he mentioned Yamori; obviously the investigator was familiar with the so-called 'Jason'.

'Rize?'

'Rize, the ghoul whose organs are inside me.'

'Yes, I know,' Amon said in a whisper. 'But you said she died.'

'She did,' Kaneki said candidly.

' _Then_ ,' Amon said, sounding impatient, 'how did she help you escape from Yamori?'

Kaneki could just feel himself staring. Could he tell Amon about _his_ Rize too? At that moment she wasn't anywhere to be seen, so she couldn't object, but…

'Kaneki?'

'Rize is, well, she just appears and talks to me sometimes. When Yamori locked me up, she convinced me to become stronger.' He was unsure if he had said too much, almost wishing he could sink further against the sofa and disappear from view entirely. He hadn't told _anyone_ about her before.

Amon was pinching his brow, but the voice he spoke with was steady. 'That… makes a lot of sense.' There was more silence, and the stillness of the darkened room seemed to relax a little. 'So, when you go off on one, talking crazily, you're actually speaking to this 'Rize'?'

Kaneki nodded slowly, adding a quiet '...most of the time.'

'But, all that insane talk. I remember you counting backwards and screaming about centipedes...'

'Oh,' Kaneki said, pulling his knees up to his chest. 'That's more to do with Yamori.'

'What exactly did he do to you?' Amon asked, very quietly.

Kaneki found himself smiling and he didn't know why. It really, _really_ wasn't funny.

'He did a lot of things, but er… well, for example, he cut my fingers and toes off repeatedly, and put them in a bucket beside me until it was full.' Kaneki flexed a hand and looked at his blackened nails. 'He used to get centipedes and put them in my ear.'

He had never said it out loud before, never actually told anyone, and it felt like a door had suddenly opened, and the room in his mind that had been full of stagnant air was finally being replenished with a breeze that was fresh and clean. 'I suppose that's why I don't always make a lot of sense, Amon-san,' Kaneki said, laughing again in spite of himself. His eyes felt wide in their sockets, and a little manic as he said, 'I think they devoured by brain a little.'

Amon was deathly pale.

'But Rize helped to get me out,' Kaneki continued. 'She told me to be strong, and I fought Yamori. I won and I escaped.'

Amon was nodding with a sudden deep understanding. 'I remember seeing you a few stories below me that night. That was the first time I saw you with white hair.'

'It turned white in that room.' Kaneki glanced sideways at Amon, who looked slightly taken aback by everything. 'Do you believe me?'

Amon gulped. 'You haven't lied to me before, at least not that I know of.' And now Amon looked strange, almost like he was ashamed and almost… horrified. 'But then, if you're not a ghoul, then you're not really one of them. And I've treated you like…'

And this was what Kaneki had been worried about.

'Amon, you have to understand.' Kaneki sat up into a kneeling position and leant closer and closer forward, almost like if he closed the distance his words would have a better change of sinking into Amon's brain. 'Yes, I used to be human, so I suppose I'm not a _real_ ghoul, but I'm still the same as them. Since I was turned into this I've got to know them. They've become my friends and family, and they're not what we've always been told. They're not heartless demons with no emotions and remorse. They're exactly the same as us, except they have these bodies that dictate how they live their lives.'

A flicker of anger adorned Amon's features. 'There are ghouls who have committed atrocious acts. You can't deny that.'

Kaneki laughed humourlessly. 'Are all humans evil because some of them are locked up in prison for murder?'

Amon was frowning deeply, but then his face seemed to crumple. When he finally spoke, he was so quiet that Kaneki barely saw his lips move.

'I'm sorry.'

Then Amon was leaning forward and pulling Kaneki into his arms and resting his face in the crook of Kaneki's neck. Kaneki didn't move, and neither did Amon as he repeated the muffled words over and over and over.

Then, after they'd both been quiet for a short while, Amon lifted his head and spoke softly into Kaneki's ear.

'Do you hate me?'

The entirety of time seemed to stop for a moment before Kaneki replied.

'Yes.'

He whispered it, and his mouth made the words into a slight hiss, like there was an echo of Rize in his voice. But then he let his arms snake up to wrap themselves around Amon's torso, as he felt two people's tears fall down onto his neck.

* * *

 _What is this, two chapters in one go? Bit of a_ _disappointment_ _, sorry, I know you're used to waiting months/years between chapters. I'll try better next time hahaaaa._

 _Kaneki told him anyway... I hope it was anything close to what you expected. Thanks for your reviews on chapter 19 guys. It's nice seeing where people are from too I feel like I know a bit more about who's reading :)_


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